A Drunken Marriage of Thievery
by A Lovestruck A2
Summary: Life couldn't have gotten worse for Jaune. After getting kicked out of Beacon for his fake transcripts, he just wanted to drink to forget it. Too bad he couldn't remember anything afterwards and woke up in bed with that dark-skinned beauty he met at the bar. Rated M for obvious reasons
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: I've decided to be bold and try my hand at the 'Drunken Marriage' fics. Got blaiseingfire's blessing, and I can't believe no one has done one of these with Emerald yet…(author totally doesn't have a crush on her. Nope) Warnings include a more cynical Jaune like we see in Volume 4, and sort of AU in a sense.**_

 **A Drunken Marriage of Thievery**

 _Summary: Life couldn't have gotten worse for Jaune. After getting kicked out of Beacon for his fake transcripts, he just wanted to drink to forget it. Too bad he couldn't remember anything afterwards and woke up in bed with that dark-skinned beauty he met at the bar._

 ***Chapter 1***

Jaune Arc placed his hands in the pockets of his jeans, kicking a stone out of his way. All he wanted to do was become a huntsman, like his father and grandfather. He couldn't dream of letting his father down and becoming some little nancy boy, so he got his hands on some fake transcripts from this really shady guy named Junior to forge his way into the renowned huntsman academy of Beacon. Everything seemed to be going as he wanted.

Right up until the point where his arch-nemesis, Cardin Winchester, overheard what was supposed to be a private conversation between the blonde and his partner, Pyrrha.

Seeing an opportunity to have the boy around his thumb, Cardin blackmailed Jaune into doing whatever the leader of Team CRDL wanted. And if Jaune so much as even voiced a protest, then Cardin would tell Glynda about Jaune's fake transcripts.

For awhile, Jaune had no choice but to do as he was told; how could he be a successful huntsman if he was kicked out?

But when Cardin tried to manipulate the blonde into attacking his partner Pyrrha with sap as some sort of petty revenge for the redhead showing up Cardin earlier in the week during Oobleck's class, Jaune refused. Instead, he threw the jar at Cardin, suffered a rather serious beatdown by CRDL as a result, and was left in the Forever Fall forest alone with bruises all over his body.

It wasn't long before he was found by Professor Goodwitch, and at first he was relieved to see a face who didn't want to pound him into the dirt the first chance they got. After she helped him to his feet, however, she told him to report to the headmaster's office immediately, disapproval flashing in her gaze.

At that moment, Jaune knew he was royally screwed. No one was told to go to Professor Ozpin's office unless they were either facing severe punishments or had vital information about a mission. Since Team JNPR had yet to go on one, Jaune knew what it was.

If there was one thing to be grateful for, it was that the old headmaster didn't waste time with all sorts of ridiculously long words trying to pretty the situation up. Ozpin was blunt, honest, and told the blonde how it was going to happen. His place on Team JNPR would be taken by the top student at Signal, and Jaune was no longer a student of Beacon.

And this led him to start strolling through downtown Vale, a glum expression set on his features.

Most of his possessions were packed up and put on an airship on its way back home, but he kept his armor, weapon, and scroll on him. _'How did everything go so wrong?'_ He sighed inwardly, knowing the answer to his rhetorical mental question. _'Maybe I shouldn't have tried to do the impossible. Maybe being a huntsman isn't meant for me.'_

The pale Vale sunlight was starting to dip below the horizon, and yet the city still bustled. He could feel passerby staring at the bruises on his face. He could hear their whispers of, "Oh my Oum, what happened to him?"

It didn't matter. Not anymore.

The only dream he ever had, the one of being the great hero in the books, was vanquished. No academy would take him in now. Even his partner didn't want to speak to him afterwards. _'Good riddance. I didn't see her trying to help when I needed it.'_ Just thinking about Pyrrha made his blood boil. He had saved her from rapier wasps, was there to comfort her when things were going rough with her mother, and what did she do? Told him he was nothing but a burden to her.

Pyrrha ran him out of JNPR's dorm, calling him a pathetic disgrace to all who call themselves huntsmen and huntresses. His back still throbbed from where he was shot literally in the back from one of her dust rounds. He was lucky he knew how to activate his aura in preparation; otherwise he'd hate to think of what could've happened to him.

Even before his expulsion, Pyrrha didn't bother trying to help the blonde. In her eyes, anyone who lied their way to get to anything in life was seen as some of the lowest scum on Remnant. Their meeting in the forest during initiation didn't go well, either; she only saved him to prevent the headmaster from the inevitable amount of paperwork he would've had to face if a student died during initiation.

Ruby tried to help, in a way. Her cheerful attitude and infectious laugh did prevent him from jumping off the CCT more than once. _'I suppose I should be grateful for one thing, I guess. I could've had the entire school after me with pitchforks and torches.'_

His feet stopped outside of a club called 'The Lion's Den', and the blonde teen found himself staring at the entrance. Jaune never found the thought of hanging out in a place like this pleasing, as he didn't like parties. But he wasn't in the best of moods, and sometimes, all one needs to snap out of it and think about the situation a little more clearly is a drink. _'I wonder if I should go in and press my luck.'_

As he pondered going in and indulging himself, the door suddenly burst open. A rather intoxicated individual was being tossed outside by the bouncer, who brandished his fist with exasperation in his tired eyes. "Do us all a favor and piss off, you apocalyptic moron. You're no longer welcome here."

The man stopped when he saw Jaune, and he folded his arms. "Well? Are you going to come in or just mope around outside like an angsty teenager all day?"

' _Screw it. Might as well. Not like anything really disastrous can happen any longer.'_ "Sure." Jaune stepped into the club, and his senses were met with an endless barrage of bass-heavy music, cigar smoke, and the aroma of various alcoholic drinks. The lights were a dark red, giving it a cave-like atmosphere, and the teen brushed a hand through his messy hair before looking for a place to sit. _'Seems like a nice place. Much better than that place I got those fake papers from.'_

Jaune took a seat at the bar, his hand on the side of his face, and the bartender zeroed in on him like a missile. His large mustache twitched as he looked the blonde up and down, and his brown eyes were squinted. "Aren't you a little young to be in this club, kiddo? I don't need any minors getting wasted on my property."

Jaune rolled his eyes, reaching in jeans pocket for his scroll. "Is this proof enough? Or do I need to show my car keys?" He almost winced at his remark; he didn't use sarcasm or snarky remarks like the damn Ice Queen or Yang. It just wasn't natural to him.

"Aha! A would-be huntsman, I see," the bartender guffawed, wiping the inside of a glass with a white rag. "Well, I daresay you are quite welcome here, young man. Now, what can I get you? Sex on the Beach? Or perhaps a Screwdriver?"

"I, um…I've never been in one of these places before," Jaune admitted, scratching the back of his head awkwardly. "I have no idea what any of that means." _'And I'm not a huntsman-in-training. Not anymore.'_

"Ohoho! A first-timer then!" the man laughed, his mustache lifting to reveal his sparkly teeth. "Well then, allow me to educate you. Screwdriver is simple to make, refreshing, and consists of only two ingredients in its most basic form: vodka and orange juice. Sex on the Beach is perfect for a nice time outside on a cruise ship, and consists of vodka, peach schnapps, orange juice, and cranberry juice. It's rather sweet on tongue, though."

"Um…anything else?" Jaune asked warily. He had zero experience with alcohol, and the last thing he wanted to do was drink something potent that would wreak havoc on his young body and make him do something stupid. Like get married. Or steal diamond rings from a jewelry store.

"Well…there is a secret cocktail I've been working on myself for a little while," the man dropped his booming voice to a whisper. "I call it, the 'Redheaded Slut'."

"The WHAT!?"

"Keep it down, boy!" the bartender hissed, looking around nervously. "Do you want everyone in Vale to hear you? This thing is secret for a reason. This is some nasty stuff, kid. Really potent. Guaranteed to get one drunk within minutes of consumption. Even I've only had a couple of these cocktails myself."

"…I'll try it," Jaune breathed, mustering up the courage. It was most definitely a bad idea; heck, even his dad, a champion beer drinker in his day, would probably think twice before trying to one of these things.

But Jaune was kicked out of school, and had no real worries apart from possibly waking up handcuffed to a lamppost with his eyebrows shaved off and his underwear on his head. _'What's the worst that can happen? I've already been kicked out of Beacon. Life can't get too much worse now.'_

Plus, the name made him laugh bitterly. It reminded him of a certain redhead who just used him for her own gains, and wanted a chance to relish in the irony of him downing a drink with such a lewd name. _'I can't believe I was such an idiot to let her take advantage of me like that. I wouldn't be surprised if she's already moved onto the next guy.'_

"Alright, kid." The bartender started to mix the drink in front of him, spinning the bottles with the precision of a professional, and it wasn't long before the cocktail was ready. He slid it across the counter, his mustache quivering. "Well, here you go. Bottoms up."

Damn. It was good to not have to care about certain things anymore.

-0-

Emerald stumbled out of her apartment, holding a hand over the bruise on her cheek and trying to use her aura to ease the throbbing pain. _'No more. I'm done with him.'_ She had gotten into a nasty argument with her boyfriend Mercury after finding out he was cheating on her with some harlot who ran an ice cream shop, and the argument turned physical when she confronted him about it. Luckily, Emerald was able to raise her aura in defense to absorb one of Mercury's power kicks, but he still packed one hell of a kick; she was fortunate to not have to anything more than a lump to show for it.

After he hit her, Emerald used her semblance to create an illusion and distract him, buying her enough time to get out of the crappy situation before it became worse. Her weapons had been taken by her employer Cinder for some modifications a day ago, and the red-eyed thief felt vulnerable without them. Sure, she could still use her semblance to cause one hell of a distraction, and she had some skill in hand-to-hand combat, but her weapons allowed her to move freely in the steel jungle of a city and conserve her aura.

Emerald stopped in front of a bar she was familiar with, 'The Lion's Den', and she flashed her ID for the bouncer. "Here." _'I can't believe this is happening. How could he cheat on me? I mean, I'm the best thief in all of Remnant! I steal diamonds while the jeweler is smiling!'_

' _Ugh! I'm so through with that pompous ass.'_ Emerald pushed her way through the crowd of dancing people, pickpocketing the wallet from an unsuspecting man on her way to get to the bar as quickly as possible. She rapidly dug the lien out, tossing the empty wallet on the floor, and sat down next to a young blonde man. His blue gaze was glazed over, and it was obvious that he was drunk.

"Ah, Emerald!" The bartender, named Boomerang, zeroed in on her like one of Atlas's heat-seeking missiles, his mustache ruffling. "What can I get you today? Strawberry Sunrise?"

"No. Give me the special," came her reply. "Mercury and I broke up, and I need something for the headache."

"Coming right up." Boomerang mixed her cocktail, one of his unknown specialties unknown to her, and he sent it down to her. "Gave you the same stuff I gave this kid."

He jerked his thumb over the blonde boy, and Emerald gave him a look from head to toe. He was handsome, with that messy mop of hair and simple clothes under a set of white armor. _'A huntsman? But he looks too young; 17 at the oldest.'_ "Who are you and why are you here?"

"Jaune Arc. I got kicked out of Beacon," he answered dejectedly. "All I wanted was to be a huntsman like my father, and his father before him, and all that was taken from me." He took a swig from his drink, blinking; he clearly wasn't used to alcohol, and judging by the amused look on Boomerang's face and the three empty glasses beside him, he already had way too much. "What about you?"

"Emerald. Boyfriend cheated on me."

"Whoever he is seems to be an idiot," Jaune snorted. "Why would anyone cheat on someone like you? I mean…um…"

Emerald blushed, sipping her own cocktail. She noticed the hidden comment, even if he didn't; he thought the thief was attractive. His drunken awkward was kind of cute in a way; something told her the boy was usually kind of socially awkward and goofy. _'Cute? He's a stranger, and someone who was training to be a huntsman to boot.'_

At least the kid seemed respectable, unlike Mercury.

"Hey, do you want to dance?"

Emerald didn't remember anything after that question was popped.

-0-

 _The next day_

Jaune groaned as he blinked his eyes open, the light blinding him. "Ugh…what happened?" His head throbbed painfully, and as he yawned, he suddenly noticed a couple of serious problems.

One, he was naked.

Two, he didn't know where in the name of Oum he was.

Three, he wasn't alone in bed.

Four, the person next to him didn't look happy as she held a broken wine bottle in her hands. "What the hell are you doing in my bed!?"

"Uh oh…"

Just what the hell happened last night?

 _ **A/N: And that's chapter 1. Please, tell me what you think in the review section below, and follow and fav if you enjoyed.**_

 _ **P.S. Redheaded Slut is an actual drink :) it is very good…**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: Chapter 2 of this drunk marriage fic, and all I really have to say is…wow. 121 follows, 81 favorites, and that was just the first chapter? Holy fuck guys, thanks!**_

 **A Drunken Marriage of Thievery**

 _Summary: Life couldn't have gotten worse for Jaune. After getting kicked out of Beacon for his fake transcripts, he just wanted to drink to forget it. Too bad he couldn't remember anything afterwards and woke up in bed with that dark-skinned beauty he met at the bar._

 ***Chapter 2***

Jaune yelped as Emerald took a furious swipe at him with the broken bottle, his hands protecting his crotch. "H-hey, watch it! I don't remember anything!" _'Oh Oum, what have I done now? Did I just sleep with that girl I met at the club? And I thought life couldn't get worse after getting booted from Beacon.'_ He couldn't vaguely even recall what happened after he asked her to dance; everything was just a blackout.

"I think I have a damn good idea what we did, you blonde idiot!" Emerald growled, brandishing the makeshift weapon at the nervous teen. "We clearly got drunk, went back to my place, and had sex! Don't tell me you're dense enough to not see that!"

Jaune looked around the bedroom with wide eyes; furniture was scattered in rather peculiar positions, the mirror was crooked, and their clothes were scattered all over the dark green carpet. "Well…wow. Did we really do that much damage?" _'Geez. I didn't think my first experience getting tail would be as chaotic as this. Or while I was drunk.'_

Emerald threw the bottle at him, covering her naked body with the bedsheets with a scowl on her face and her red eyes slits. "Unbelievable. I can't believe we did this. All I wanted was to have a semi-decent time out at the club, not to have sex with a former huntsman who I barely even know!"

A small glint caught Jaune's eye, and he looked at her hand with a swallow. "Um…Emerald? You have something on your hand. It looks like a ring of some kind." _'Don't tell me that's a wedding ring. Anything but that. That's the last thing I need right now, apart from explaining to my family that I got expelled and lied my way into Beacon.'_

Emerald looked down at her hand, and with wide eyes, she looked at Jaune. "You have one too. Don't tell me this is what I think it is…"

The blonde boy looked at his hand, and sure enough, there was a matching ring on his finger. "What!? Oh, you've got to be kidding me. Please tell me this is some horrible prank that you've pulled?"

"Where's the certificate? We can't be married if there's no certificate…" Emerald stood up to search for the marriage certificate, completely disregarding the fact that she was completely naked, and Jaune felt all of the blood rush from his head and towards his crotch at the sight of her body.

It was really beautiful, with no blemishes on her dark skin, and Jaune blushed as he felt his eager manhood stiffen under his hands. _'Uh oh. This is the last thing I need right now. She already thinks I'm a pervert for sleeping with her; I don't need her opinion of me to go any lower than it has. If that's possible.'_ He tried to conceal his growing erection, but it was already too late; Emerald had spotted him fumbling around.

"Jeez, you're acting like you've never seen a naked woman before," she muttered, spinning around with a piece of crumpled paper in her hand. "Why don't you get a nice picture instead of standing there gawking like an idiot with his jaw on the floor? I'm sure you'll brag about it to your friends later."

Jaune's eyes started to roam her body, his blush deepening, only to stop as they reached her crotch. "What the…!?" _'No way. There's no way that's real. It has to be my eyes playing tricks on me!'_ He'd be the first to admit that he wasn't the most knowledgeable in the field of sex, but he knew basic human biology, and women definitely weren't supposed to have that!

Instead of traditional lady parts, Emerald had a very impressive erection, the head twitching, and the green-haired girl smirked at his dumbfounded reaction. "Impressed? It's my semblance."

"Your semblance allows you to create a penis?" he asked, his blue eyes wide in shock as he could do nothing but stare at the impressive length in front of him. The idea that he had sex with a woman who had a penis instead of a vagina was slowly going around and around in his head, and he was surprised that he wasn't mentally disturbed by the realization. Instead, he was just surprised; he didn't feel sore in any place apart from his head from the hangover, and the only taste in his mouth was a combination of alcohol and lime-flavored ice cream. _'Just what did I do with her last night?'_

"…yes, that's right. My semblance gives me a penis. What are you, braindead? It's an illusion," she snapped. Sure enough, in a second it was gone and replaced by her more natural parts, much to Jaune's relief. He let out a breather, and Emerald folded her arms with a grumble. "I was doing that to see if you'd be disgusted by it. But you didn't. You just looked surprised."

"Is that the marriage certificate?" Jaune asked, relieved that he didn't have a male organ inside of him last night. He doubted it would have made much of a difference, since they were both drunk and unable to recall a single memory about it, but still. It was more comforting. _'Huh. I wonder why I wasn't mentally scarred by her little stunt. I'm sure any other person would've run out the room screaming like a maniac.'_

"No, it's the paperwork for filing my taxes," her voice dripped with excessive sarcasm. "Yes, it's the damn certificate. And the person who married us is…who in Remnant goes by the name 'Dusty Winged Angel'? That has to be a joke."

Jaune went to walk over when his scroll went off, and he started to blush as the rap music went off. _"When the lights in the house crash down with the sound of respect to pride! The east side where the mother—"_

He quickly found it under his pillow and he answered it in a hurry, not bothering to check who was calling. "Hello?" _'Damn. I need to change that ringtone. Mom and Dad wouldn't like the language involved, and I can imagine_ her _laughing at me._ ' He glanced over, and saw he was right; Emerald was snickering as she fumbled around for her clothes.

" _Jaune, it's Ruby."_ Jaune stopped, blinking a few times. He wasn't expecting a phone call from the young redhead, or anyone apart from his parents for that matter. Especially since he was expelled; he figured none of his 'friends' would even want to look at him now, let alone talk.

"What's up?" he asked, feigning a positive attitude and trying his best to hide the resentment in his tone. Ruby didn't know about his expulsion until after everything had happened, so he didn't get to see her reaction or hear how she felt about it until now.

" _I have to make this quick; we're getting sent out on a mission to Mountain Glenn soon,"_ Ruby started off, her voice sad. _"But I just wanted to say I'm sorry about what happened to you, and I don't think any less of you. You were my first friend when I came to Beacon, and gave me a helping hand when I needed it; you'll always be a friend to me. I wish it didn't have to be like this, you know?"_

"Tell me about it," Jaune breathed, relieved that at least one of his friends still saw him as the same goofy kid when he first arrived at Beacon. It hurt him to fake the optimism as he continued on. "I did some crazy things last night, and now I'm sort of stuck with it. Still, things could be a lot worse. Cardin could've actually killed me if he wanted to." _'Beat up, expelled, got drunk, and then married a girl I barely know. Hard to believe I can go any lower. Definitely my worst 24 hours. At least I managed to score. Yay me.'_

" _Yeah, that's true."_ Ruby paused awkwardly for a moment before continuing. _"Did you watch the news? Apparently two thieves dressed up in Pumpkin Pete costumes broke into a jewelry store and took two diamond rings before covering the place in cereal. Remnant's just full of crazy people, right?"_

Jaune froze, his blue eyes wide. "Wait, what?" _'Oh no. This has to be a joke. It's just a coincidence, right? Surely that's it. I refuse to believe I drunkenly dressed up as a cereal mascot and stole my own wedding rings prior to getting married. I can accept being married to a beauty with a unique semblance, but this crosses a line, and I'm putting a foot down.'_

" _Ah! Sorry Jaune, I got to go! I'll call you later!"_

Ruby hung up, and shaking, Jaune turned to his new wife, swallowing. "Um, Emerald…can you check the closet for second? I have a really bad feeling about something." _'And here I was thinking things can't get worse. But, here it is. This takes the 'Your life sucks' cake.'_

"What was that all about?"

"My friend said two people dressed up as Pumpkin Pete, you know, from the cereal, stole two diamond rings from a jeweler's and vandalized it by dumping cereal everywhere inside. And seeing as we have two diamond rings and don't know what in the name of Remnant we did last night apart from get hitched, well…"

Rolling her red eyes with a huff, Emerald finished pulling on her white capris and walked over to the closet, her eyes traveling to inspect below the belt. "Fine. I hear it's going to be a chilly night tonight though, Commando, so you might want to consider covering your delicates. Or at least camouflage it; I could see that thing coming a mile away."

Jaune felt the heat rise to his face as he dove towards his clothes, pulling them on in a hurry to make the already unusual situation less awkward, and he stopped when he held his armor in his hands. He had no real reason to use it now, but as he debated adorning it regardless, Emerald let out a gasp. "Oh no…we are the thieves."

She pulled out a pair of Pumpkin Pete costumes, and Jaune fell to his knees in disbelief. "Great. This is just great. Now we're wanted criminals." _'You've got to be kidding me! What kind of sick twisted joke is this!?'_

As he grumbled about how fate really seemed to be out to get him now, a crow flew in through the open window and crashed into the wardrobe. It cawed in surprise, and the newlyweds looked in amazement as it transformed into a middle-aged man with messy black hair and pale red eyes. His grey dress jacket had a maroon cape attached, and he held a flask in his hand. "Hey, you're those two kids who got hitched last night, right?"

"...what's it to you?"

"Whoa, whoa, easy there Blondie. I'm just here to make sure you two lovebirds aren't going to get arrested for your little stunt and get you to your nice honeymoon location." The man took a swig from his flask, and he chuckled as he started to sway. "Whoa…that hit the spot, hehe."

"Wait, just who the hell are you? How do you know all of this?" Jaune demanded, sliding his chest armor on to cover the bunny face on his hoodie. "Are you…the one who married us!?" _'You can't be serious. This drunk old man is the one, isn't he?'_

"Indeed I am," the man bowed sarcastically. "I am the Dusty Winged Angel! Or you can just call me Qrow. Gotta say, you two are lucky I found you first; the entire Vale police force is out looking for you."

"You…you're going to pay for this!" Emerald growled, launching herself at him in anger. "You allowed two teenagers who barely know each other to get married, and now we're wanted criminals!"

Qrow stopped drinking, and he leaned back to let the young black woman soar past him. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on one's perspective of things), Emerald accidentally sent Jaune crashing to the ground with a tackle that would've made a Vale Rugby player jealous. Jaune's head hit the floor, and the boy groaned in pain as stars danced in front of his eyes. "Oww…my head." _'Dammit. I didn't get a chance to keep my aura up._

He blinked a few times to regain his focus, and when his sight cleared, he found himself in a position that he wouldn't object to under different circumstances. Emerald was straddling his waist, and he felt his face heat up as his new wife looked down at him. "Um…can we at least get to know each other before leaping into this? Like, really get to know each other?"

"Is that all you can say!?"

"What else do you want me to say? I'm really corny and cringe-worthy at best," Jaune admitted, rubbing his head; he was definitely going to have a lump the size of a baseball later on. "But I guess we're stuck between a boulder and a hard place now, so we might as well make the best of it." _'Ugh. That was cringy itself. Geez, I have to cut this crap out; it definitely doesn't roll off the tongue that good. Sometimes, I wonder why I bother opening my mouth.'_

Emerald sent a scowl towards the drunken huntsman, her red eyes gleaming with mischievous intentions. "Should we…get a little payback? It can be our first sober act as newlyweds." The hidden threat made Qrow choke on whatever he was consuming, and he gave a nervous grin as he backed slowly towards the window; they were quite far up, but then again the guy could transform into a damn bird. It wasn't like he couldn't just fly out if things got hectic.

Which they did.

"That sounds quite nice, Mrs. Arc," Jaune tried, hoping his new wife wouldn't attempt to backhand him for the statement. "And after we're done, I think someone needs to start explaining things before he ends up missing some fingers." _'Oh for Oum's sake, I can't even make a decent threat. Hopefully that'll change soon.'_

"You need to work on your threats, Mr. Arc," Emerald returned, getting off him and helping him to his feet. She tossed him his sword and shield before the two faced a nervous Qrow, cracking their knuckles. "Alright…what should we start off with first?"

"Hmm…tar and feathering? I think the lobby has a whole bunch of powdered sugar."

Qrow made the first move and transformed, cawing loudly in protest; he clearly did not want to get covered in powdered sugar and dumped in an icy bath. But, he wasn't fast enough.

Emerald grabbed him by his little bird legs, angling her wrist to prevent him from pecking at her with his beak, and carried him over to the sink triumphantly. "Jaune, can you be a dear and turn the water on for me?"

Poor Qrow.

Next time, he really shouldn't get two teenagers married while they were drunk.

 _ **A/N: Thanks to blaiseingfire for the suggestion of Emerald using her semblance to create a dick XD. I'm changing this to a more humorous fic, and I have a challenge for someone to take up: a drunk marriage fic between Qrow, Weiss, and Winter called 'A Marriage to Schneeze At' (so not sorry for the pun). If you're interested in taking this challenge up, please shoot me a PM. Peace out!**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N: Thank you all for voting, those who did. I took a few suggestions to heart, including a few very important ones: quit bashing (don't know what was up with me…I think I was just pissed off at a ginger. Sorry Pyrrha; still love you. Even in death, you're still all over Jaune. *hears boos* What, too soon?), it's okay to let the others be angry as long as they don't act petty about it, and why not make it a blend of both humor and darker themes? Seems like that was the best outcome. I apologize for the horrible typo as well; I meant to put 'pantry' instead of 'lobby'. I hate my brain sometimes.**_

 _ **Remember, this is an AU in some sense, but I think I have it sorted out (i.e. Cinder being like a mafia boss, which seems legit).**_

 _ **Also, thanks for getting this story to over 180 follows and 130 favorites**_

 **A Drunken Marriage of Thievery**

 _Summary: Life couldn't have gotten worse for Jaune. After getting kicked out of Beacon for his fake transcripts, he just wanted to drink to forget it. Too bad he couldn't remember anything afterwards and woke up in bed with that dark-skinned beauty he met at the bar._

 ***Chapter 3***

Emerald sighed as she searched her cupboard for powdered sugar to dump on Qrow, thankful that her new husband was preoccupied with beating the tar out of the huntsman and not telepathic. Though she put on a slightly sarcastic and mischievous mask, inside she was a rollercoaster of emotion. _'Just what am I supposed to talk to him about? I mean, when he finds out that I'm a career criminal, he's sure to hand me over to save his own skin, right? And what about Cinder?'_

Her employer was not going to be happy once the news reached her ears. There was simply no way that the fiery woman was going to let her best thief walk away from the scene unscathed; Cinder would be sure to tie up any loose ends and silence her to prevent word about her operation in Vale from attracting unwanted attention. _'No way out without putting myself in great personal danger.'_

The green-haired girl found the powdered sugar she was looking for, and she could hear Qrow and Jaune bickering; the blonde had already released him from his watery sentence and was awaiting the tarring with baited breath. _'What is he going to think? That I'm some sort of scum and deserve life looking at iron bars? Or just be disappointed?'_

It was strange for her to be worrying so much; Emerald had plenty of boyfriends before she met Jaune, including her ex Mercury. But they just seemed to be lame girl crushes at the time. Not him, though.

Something about Jaune was much different. He was kind, a little goofy, and seemed understanding. His smile was genuine, not like that smug little smirk that Mercury always wore; he had his head stuck so far up his own backside he could see his intestines. But Jaune wasn't. He was an honest person. Too good for a dirty little pickpocket like her.

Her attention was jerked back when she heard the sound of breaking glass; someone had broken the mirror in her bathroom, and she rolled her red eyes as she stalked back in. The scene was something to behold; Qrow was completely wet, Jaune was on the floor nursing a bloody nose, and shards of glass were everywhere. "What the hell happened in here? You better start explaining, fast." _'Don't have time for this crap. Especially if we're as wanted as this drunken idiot says we are.'_

"Slipped on the wet tile," Jaune groaned, using his aura to rapidly heal the injury. "Smashed face into mirror. Enough said." He wiped blood from his nose, plucked the bag of sugar from Emerald, and chucked it at Qrow to cover him completely in the substance. "That's for marrying us while we were completely wasted."

Qrow coughed, looking at his powdery outfit, and gave the two newlyweds a glare. "You two were the ones who came up to me, not the other way around. I don't expect a couple of lightweights like yourselves to remember the details."

"What the hell were you doing at a nightclub anyway?"

"Information. Someone's been running an underground crime syndicate for quite some time, and the Vale Council asked me to take care of it," Qrow grumbled, wiping a bit of sugar from his face and stubble. Emerald looked up, alarmed, as he continued on. "Naturally, places like nightclubs, seedy taverns, and other places of the sort are great places to pick up intelligence. A lesson for you two in the future."

"Um…I'm not a huntsman," Jaune mumbled, scratching the back of his head awkwardly. "I kinda got kicked out of Beacon. Or did I not tell you that in my drunken stupor?"

"Oh yeah…I forgot about that," Qrow replied, shaking his head to knock more sugar out of his hair. "Yeah, that's really tough. I should have a talk with Ozpin reminding him that not all students have legitimate transcripts. Like me, for example. I didn't go to a preliminary school for training and was raised outside the kingdoms. And if you can't fight, you can't survive."

"At least you had some sort of training," Jaune scoffed. "I didn't. I'm the only son out of eight, and my parents didn't want me to become a huntsman. But it was something I always wanted, you know? My father, my grandfather, and his father were all heroes like in the books. I wanted to become like them, but I wasn't good enough."

"Look kid, don't get all mushy on me now," Qrow grunted, placing a powdery hand on his shoulder. "That's what you have a wife for. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get cleaned up. In the meantime, you two need to discuss what you're doing next."

He pushed the two out, muttering under his breath as he closed the door, and Emerald looked at her husband. "So…what's your story?" _'I can't believe it. Qrow knows something. He's going to ask us for help investigating as compensation for keeping us from seeing the inside of a prison, and when he does, he'll see that I have connections to it, being Cinder's thief.'_

"Ladies first. I'm not that interesting," Jaune returned with an awkward laugh. Emerald looked away abruptly, and the blonde's brow furrowed in concern. "Did I say something wrong?"

"No, it's…it's just complicated. I'm fine," Emerald tried to reassure. _'Dammit. He's an observant one. He looks like a goofy kid, but he has some perception skills.'_

Jaune didn't take the bait, and he tapped his lip with squinted eyes. "I noticed your reaction when Qrow mentioned the crime syndicate in Vale. You looked alarmed, and your complexion paled a little."

"Keen powers of observation, I see."

"Comes with having seven older sisters."

' _Be honest with him. You're attracted to him for a reason, and it isn't just because he's handsome. He'll understand.'_ Emerald took a deep breath before meeting his blue gaze. "I happen to have connections to it. My employer is the headwoman herself, Cinder Fall."

She paused, expecting an angry outburst from him. But when no words left his mouth, Emerald took that as a sign to continue. "I didn't get to have a family, Jaune. I grew up on the streets, and the only way I was able to survive was by using my semblance to steal. I was caught picking someone's pocket by Cinder, and she took pity on me. She bought me this home, and everything in it. The only condition was that I had to work for her, and for the past few years, I've been forced to do something I resent just to keep from being forced out onto the streets again. I steal for her. Jewels, trinkets, gemstones; it doesn't matter. All that witch desires are power and control over others. And if I try to leave, well…she'll kill me." _'I told him the truth. Cinder is a manipulative person who preys on vulnerable people and threatens them with death if they try and protest.'_

When Jaune finally did speak, a good twenty seconds after she finished spilling her guts, his voice was calming and careful, as if he were still picking his words. "I expect now that you think I'm going to flip out on you, now that I know you are an expert thief. But I'm not. That's not who I am."

He continued on, not really paying attention as Qrow opened the bathroom door behind him; either he didn't know about being overheard, or didn't care. "We're both in the same boat, now. Qrow can help us get out of this issue, but you definitely have to tell him what you told me about Cinder. As a huntsman, it's his job to deal with criminal masterminds and thugs trying to get powerful as well as Grimm."

"No need for that. I heard everything," Qrow interrupted quietly, now clean from head to toe. He looked at Emerald with a curious look in his pale red eyes, arms folded across his chest. "So, you're the one the boss has been using to pull off all of the recent heists. Interesting. Now that I know who is the one pulling the strings, I think I can form up a plan for us to hit them where it hurts and take them down."

"Us? What the heck do you mean, us?" Jaune returned, jumping at the sudden intrusion. "We're still wanted by the Vale Police Department for burglary, vandalism, trespassing, and public indecency! We need to get out of the kingdom as soon as possible."

"Any ideas on how to get that crappy plan of yours started?"

"…I have an idea." Jaune had a small smile on his lips as he reached for his scroll, swiping on the screen. "I just hope he keeps to his word about it."

"His word?" Emerald queried. It sounded as though someone owed him a favor, though she couldn't see how. _'Did he save someone at Beacon, or maybe help them out big time?'_

Jaune nodded, and he pressed the button to dial the number.

-0-

Ren groaned as he mopped up the mess caused by Nora, his long hair trailing in the pancake batter. His partner had caused one heck of a riot after Jaune was unceremoniously booted from the school, protesting that he was on a path to getting better and deserved a spot here in spite of having false transcripts. Ren did agree with her on those points; his former leader showed tremendous courage for standing up for his team in spite of being mugged by Cardin and his cronies, and had a very high ceiling in terms of his potential as a huntsman.

But he didn't agree that blaming Pyrrha and attempting to beat her with a lightning hammer before rioting was the best course of action following the aftermath. The squabbling redheads caused more property damage than even Team RWBY did in a recent food-fight with Team CFVY, and the quiet teen was the one who had to take on the responsibility of preventing the girls from starting the next Great War.

No, he believed that it was best to try and get everyone together again to sort this out maturely. In-fighting wouldn't solve anything, and he wanted to get ALL of the facts, not just the summed up version given to him and the rest of Team JNPR. _'Jaune had potential. Still does. And I won't forget how he saved my most treasured item from Nora's waffle crisis.'_

In the beginning of the school year, Nora had raided all of the waffles from the cafeteria and ate them in one sitting. She slipped into a food coma, and didn't wake up for about two days. And when she did, it was not pretty. Nora went on a rampage that would make a Thunder God jealous, and it wasn't until Jaune successfully bashed her hammer out of her hands with his shield that she was stopped. He bound her to her bed, and managed to save Ren's knife from being accidentally destroyed.

Ren cherished the blade more than anything. Being the last thing given to him by his father before he perished during Kuroyuri's destruction at the hands of a special type of Grimm, it was irreplaceable, and would always serve as a reminder as to why he decided to be a huntsman.

He felt his scroll vibrate, and the quiet teen pulled it out of his pocket to see Jaune's name flash across the screen. "Jaune? What's going on?"

" _Ren, I need a favor. And keep it on the down-low; the last thing I need is for this to reach Professor Ozpin,"_ Jaune breathed.

"I'm listening."

" _I need you to look under my bed. There should be a suitcase."_

With the scroll up to his ear, Ren crouched underneath Jaune's bed and did find a suitcase, like the blonde said. "Found it."

" _Can you meet me just outside Beacon with it? I'll be there within ten minutes before I leave the kingdom,"_ Jaune replied.

Ren had a pretty good idea why he had to leave the kingdom; while the rest of his team was busy arguing throughout the night, he paid attention to the news report. A pair of thieves dressed as Pumpkin Pete stole a pair of diamond rings, and the quiet teen knew all too well of Jaune's love for the cereal. "Can do. Nice choice of costume, too."

" _I have no idea what you're talking about."_

"You are a horrible liar, my friend."

" _Yeah, yeah. And Ren? Thanks. I mean it."_ Jaune hung up, and Ren grabbed the suitcase, standing up and dusting the cobwebs from his shoulders. It wasn't heavy, and Ren smiled for the first time in the last 24 hours when he hefted it over his shoulder and strode out of the dorm.

"Bros to close, Jaune. Bros to the close."

 _ **A/N: That's my wrap…*literally passes out due to lack of sleep before raising my head* Feedback is always appreciated…*drunk!me hits sober!me* Go back to sleep! You're too sober!**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N: Chapter 4 of my drunken marriage fic, and I really am surprised as to how popular it got. Only three chapters and over 270 follows and 190 favs. Already my second most followed and favorited fic, only behind my great RvB/Halo crossover Agent Reach…wow.**_

 _ **Sorry for the relatively short chapters, too. But I'll try to get the ones in the future longer, especially with what I have planned out. This chapter contains a new villain apart from Cinder (one of my absolute favorite RT villains ever). But enough of my bullshitting.**_

 **A Drunken Marriage of Thievery**

 _Summary: Life couldn't have gotten worse for Jaune. After getting kicked out of Beacon for his fake transcripts, he just wanted to drink to forget it. Too bad he couldn't remember anything afterwards and woke up in bed with that dark-skinned beauty he met at the bar._

 ***Chapter 4***

Cinder growled in annoyance when Roman entered her room, a fireball lighting up in her hands. "What is the meaning of this intrusion!? I thought I made it explicitly clear that I have no desire to be disturbed!" _'Impertinent pawn. I should burn him alive for barging in without so much as a knock to dignify his presence.'_

Roman's green eyes lit up, and he put his hands up in mock surrender with a grit of his teeth. "Oh pardon me, Queen of the Criminal Underworld, I shall never intrude on you without permission again!" He searched in his white coat for a cigar and lit it, his feathered bowler drooping. "Please don't take my money as punishment! I barely make enough to get by!"

His snarky remark only infuriated the rave-haired woman, and her amber eyes glowed with anger. "Don't make me rip off your arms and use them to applaud your pitiful demise. You better start explaining why you entered my room when I told you that I don't want to be disturbed by your petty squabbles with the White Fang." _'I swear, if we didn't need those stupid animals to divert attention from our operation, I'd have Emerald steal every bit of lien and dust they have before wiping them out myself.'_

She was annoyed that her best thief didn't respond to her calls, and apparently Mercury hadn't seen her since they had their argument the previous evening. _'Stupid girl better not have gotten caught. If she decides to spill, then I'll send Neo to eliminate her with lethal justice.'_

"Well, I thought it would interest you to know that the Vale Council has sent out their favorite little blackbird to take us out," Roman answered coolly, puffing on his cigar. "Qrow Branwen. The same one who thwarted your predecessor's operations in Mistral."

His devilishly smug grin only grew when he saw Cinder start to boil with rage, and the stylish criminal pressed on, digging deeper. "And it seems as though your little green-haired friend got herself in quite the interesting predicament with some bumbling blonde idiot of a kid."

Roman pulled out a hardrive, and he swirled his cigar around to create a smoky serpent in front of his boss. "Maybe this will get all that sand out of your crotch. Oum knows you could use a laugh."

His laughter abruptly stopped when Cinder threw a fireball at him, and he ducked to avoid being hit by the intense flames. He got to his feet, grumbling as he dusted his jacket off. "Come on. I just got this damn thing cleaned. Don't go ruining it."

"Then don't open that floodgate you call a mouth," Cinder shot back, snatching the hardrive out of his hand. "Now, get out!" Roman looked like he wanted to throw a nasty retort, but the stylish gangster must have thought better of it once Cinder lit another ball of fire in her hand; the furious woman was not having it today, and the next snarky or sarcastic remark to leave Roman's lips would be the final straw for her.

"Fine, fine," Roman grumbled, backing out of her room. "I'll go make sure the White Fang are wrapping up the final stages of our plans. You don't happen to have any flea collars lying around, do you? Being around those animals makes me feel itchy."

"Get. Out."

"Okay! Sheesh…"

Roman shut the door behind him, still grumbling about having to deal with the White Fang. Cinder didn't care for his petty little squabbles with the terrorist group; she had much more important things to worry about. Like her best thief trying to leave the criminal underworld behind. _'Just who does that child think she is!? I'll rip her to pieces if she even thinks about trying to get out.'_

She furiously slammed the tiny hardrive into her scroll, brushing her hair back to see just what Roman meant. The video was hazy at first, but the scene eventually cleared up. And when she saw it, her amber eyes were livid.

Emerald was wearing a white gown and sloppily kissing some dorky blonde boy, both of them drunkenly laughing and wearing matching rings on their hands. Cinder's eyes twitched and bulged, and her fist tightened around her scroll, crushing it. "THAT LITTLE BITCH GOT MARRIED!?"

She threw the remnants of her scroll at the wall in fury, her breaths coming out fast. She was shocked at not only the realization that Emerald was trying to leave, but also at how furious it made her. Cinder knew that she had little patience and tolerance for failure, but not even Roman's snarky remarks or attempts to hit on her pushed her over the edge like this.

Cinder took a deep breath, her knuckles still white. _'I'm not going to be able to take care of this efficiently if I'm this angry. A cool head will allow me to deal with the problem methodically and smoothly.'_

A flicker of movement and sound of breaking glass caught her attention, and she smiled ruefully when she saw her favorite little assassin admiring the scene, sitting cross-legged on a small chair. "Hello, Neo. And how long have you been eavesdropping on me?" _'Should've known that she would be here.'_

 _Long enough_ the petite mute signed. She twirled her umbrella in her hand, clicking the button to extend the sword hidden inside. _Do you wish for me to eliminate her?_

' _Such loyalty. I should make sure she's richly rewarded for her efforts.'_ Cinder nodded, brushing out a wrinkle on her red dress. "Yes. Your target is only that little traitor, but I have no qualms about you killing the boy if you deem it necessary. Payment will be doubled if you do it without anyone seeing the act."

Neo licked her lips at the thought of extra lien for a stealthy murder, and she stood up, spinning her preferred weapon of choice in her hands elegantly. _As you wish, Mistress_

Neo vanished with a whisper of a noise, and Cinder stalked over to where the remains of her scroll lay. The hardrive itself was still in one piece, and she plucked it from the shards of material before grabbing her second device. In her line of work, it was always important to have a backup.

' _Don't throw this one at the wall,'_ she scolded herself, sliding the drive in. The screen loaded, and this time, she forced herself to watch Emerald kissing the blonde boy. _'Keep it under control. There may be something else in here.'_ And she was right.

For the person who married them was none other than the huntsman who took down her predecessor in Mistral, Qrow Branwen.

' _Dammit! I'm going to kill him!'_ She ignited flame in her hand again, and she stormed out of her room, startling a pair of armed guards on her way downstairs. Roman only left a few minutes ago and couldn't have gotten far.

Her amber eyes quickly found him arguing with a fox Faunus, and she stalked over, her heels clicking on the floor. "ROMAN!"

Roman whirled around, and for the first time, his green orbs flashed in fear as he laughed nervously. "Eh, hehe…I take it you aren't pleased with what you saw?"

Cinder shoved him against the wall, one hand squeezing him by the throat while her flame-cloaked hand was precariously close to a certain part of his anatomy. "Give me one damn good reason why I shouldn't have Neo dump your rotting carcass in a swamp and let a pack of Beowolves feast on your entrails. You neglected to mention that the person who held the wedding ceremony was the same damn one who is trying to take us down!" _'Treacherous little snake!'_

Roman coughed, squirming and trying to move his crotch as far away from the witch's fire as he could to no avail. He eventually managed to gasp out a reply, sweat dripping from his face. "Y-you would've reacted the same way regardless! And do you really think Branwen is going to let his one source of information walk around without backup? He's probably watching over them as security!"

Cinder hissed and released him, smacking him across the face with the back of her hand. "Well go out there and make sure Neo doesn't get caught. If you fail me…let's just say no one will be able to tell if the body is yours or not."

She stalked off, and pulled out her scroll to inform a fellow mobster, who went by the name 'Mad King'. "Mad King, it's Cinder. Things are not going particularly well in Vale and may need a little help." _'I hate dealing with him. But I cannot afford things to get out of hand and risk everything fall apart.'_

Cinder and the Mad King had a really rough history, being former partners in Mistral before Qrow brought everything down. The Mad King wasn't able to stay out of prison while Cinder was, and that led to him believing that she was the reason he had to sit in a glass box for two years.

" _Why hello there. To what do I owe this pleasure?"_ the Mad King asked silkily, adjusting his kilt and putting his crooked crown on his head.

"I said I need your help. Use your ears."

" _How completely desperate you must be to turn to me for assistance,"_ the Mad King smirked, folding his arms behind his back. His longsword hung on his waist, but the weapon was deceiving; the Mad King rarely ever raised his blade in battle.

No, he preferred to use his greatest weapon to sway people from even attempting to take up arms against him. His words. Cinder hated to admit it, but the man was very good when it came to the art of persuasion and speech; the Mad King had the power to both stop and start wars with a simple speech.

"I need your help in dealing with the one who brought down the Corpirate's operation in Mistral, and I don't have time for your little games," Cinder hissed irritably. Her patience was thinning again, and she really was starting to regret ever being associated with the Mad King.

" _Oh, but I do. I have all the time in the world,"_ the Mad King sneered. _"You think flexing your power like this is sending people running with their tails between their legs? You only make them think twice about your leadership. I make them obey."_

"You can choose to be helpful, or you can be a pain."

" _Don't try and play me. I saw the look in your eyes when you called. I am the last person you wanted to speak to, and for good reason. You're in way deeper than you ever believed possible."_

"Great observation. Can we just get down to the problem at hand?" Cinder growled, feeling frustrated. "Qrow Branwen is intent on hunting us down, and my best thief just got married to some idiotic blonde kid under Branwen's eye. I have good reason to believe that Emerald will spill all sorts of information, and I need your help to make sure they don't succeed in escaping. Even with Neo going to eliminate them."

" _Oh, dearest Cinder. You are being far too hasty with your decisions,"_ the Mad King smirked. _"Don't you know that you must indulge in the theatrics of tying up loose ends? After all…there is always a second act. You must make them suffer. Make them fall to their knees begging for you to make their demise painless and efficient. Sending out assassins can lead to many complications. No, you must finish this duty slowly, methodically."_

"..I hate you. But you know what? You're right. Killing them off so soon will not be good for business," Cinder sighed. "I'll play with them from a distance. Create the fantasy that they are safe, when in reality, death will always be a skip away." _'Dammit. I hate it when he's right about things like this. But he's been playing this game longer than anyone I know.'_

" _There's a good girl,"_ the Mad King cooed teasingly. _"Now if you'll excuse me, I need to murder my second guard in a two week span."_ He ended the call, and Cinder scrolled through her contacts to send a quick message to Neo, calling off the assassination for now; the ice cream-themed girl wouldn't like it, but it was for the best, as the Mad King said. _'Oh, Mad King…'_

' _Quite the manipulative devil indeed. You have turned out to be one damn good asset to our goddess.'_

-0-

Jaune noticed that Emerald was looking around nervously a lot as they walked from his spouse's home to the airfield, and he gave her a quizzical look. "Hey, are you okay? You seem a little jumpy." _'It's like she's expecting an attack at any moment. To make sure she can't talk?'_

"Don't you think it's a little…too quiet?" Emerald defended. "There's no way Cinder doesn't know about this. She has eyes and ears all over the city; nothing happens without her knowing."

"I know," Qrow grumbled from the front, reaching for his flask to take a swig. "That's why I'm going to get you two somewhere safe. Somewhere the likes of Cinder wouldn't think to look. And I have the perfect spot in mind. The founder of the place is a little fishy at best, but his two second-in-commands are both trustworthy and smart. Not to mention they owe me a few favors."

"Jeez, does everyone owe you favors?" Jaune muttered, not trying to be subtle. "What did you do, bang their teammates and babysit for them?"

"Woah, I've only slept with one person in recent memory, and that was an Atlesian Specialist. Don't go accusing me of stuff now."

"Recent memory? By recent, you mean since you were last in a state of intense intoxication? That was only what, a day ago?"

"Maybe. You can call me a dusty old bird if you want, but I still have moves and charm. Not to mention experience. Something you two are seriously lacking," Qrow retorted. He stopped at the airfields, squinting as he saw someone running towards them. "Hey, Blondie! Is that your friend who you said would be waiting for us?"

Jaune strained his eyes, and he nodded when they came into view. "Yep. That's him alright." _'He's on time. Well, Ren did have a thing for being punctual; I can't forget the time he dragged Nora across the school to make sure she didn't miss class.'_

Ren ran up to them with Jaune's suitcase in hand, his black hair disheveled from having sprinted the entire way. "Here. I got what you asked for."

He handed it over, doubling over with several wheezing gasps, and Jaune planted a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Thanks Ren. I owe you one." _'Always knew I could trust him. Normal friends fade away. But real ones like this remain forever.'_

Ren stood back up, his pink eyes calm. "I'd do anything for a friend, Jaune." His gaze glanced over Emerald briefly, and his lips curved upwards. "Nice choice, too. I hope you two keep strong through everything."

"Hey, kids!" Qrow had already flagged down an airship and was waving over to them. "This bird's not going to wait forever!"

Jaune rolled his eyes, and he gave Ren a fist-bump. "Do me one last favor, okay? Keep an eye on them. All of them." _'It's asking much, but I don't want them to tear themselves to pieces over this situation.'_

"You have my word. I'd better hurry back before Nora causes another food riot. I'll see you later, Jaune."

Ren turned and headed back to Beacon, and Emerald looked around again as if it seemed far too good to really be true. "I can't believe it. When you said he was a true friend and loyal to the end, I didn't think you were serious. But there it was. True friendship. Someone who you can always trust." She looked down, red gaze drooping. "I never knew what it was like."

"Well, hey," Jaune slowly gave her an embrace, a small smile on his lips. "You can always trust me. Now let's get on that ship before Qrow gets drunk with the pilot and tries to sleep with them. I still don't believe that crappy glory story of his." _'Nope. I refuse to believe his entire team did…that. That's taking team bonding to a whole new level.'_

"What, about his team having an orgy?"

"…yes."

Emerald laughed at his reaction, and the blonde couldn't blame her; he probably did look funny when he was embarrassed. And hearing Qrow's story made him grateful that he wasn't alone on this voyage to the mystery safe haven. _'At least someone is here to help me deal with the mental strain.'_ "Yeah, yeah. Feel free to jab at your husband for being embarrassed at the thought of group sex."

The two lovebirds hurried onto the airship, and Qrow was already sitting down with a glass of Scotch in hand. He swirled the glass around, the ice clinking, and he pushed his bangs back. "Took ya long enough. Let's get a move on; the sooner we get out of Vale, the better."

"Where exactly are we going?" Jaune dared to ask. "For the love of Oum, please don't let it be someplace where you claim to have slept with someone." _'I don't think I can deal with another one of his damn stories. Oh, the 'mastery of words' he possesses…'_

"It's a place that's tucked away. And perfect for you two to stay while I do my own work," Qrow smirked.

Jaune really didn't want to know where it was. He already had a feeling he knew the place the drunken birdman was talking about, too.

It was going to be a very…interesting honeymoon.

 _ **A/N: In case no one gets it, Mad King is from X-Ray and Vav, and the place Qrow mentioned? Oh, it gets even worse for our Green Knight couple. Do we have an actual name for this ship yet?**_

 _ **And don't worry; this won't be a pure humor fic. I have a couple of really fucked up ideas for the future, and they may make you want to burn me at the stake.**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N: Chapter 5 of my DM fic! Thank you so much for over 310 follows and 220 favorites, and I hope you enjoy what I have in store for you today! Fluff, humor, and an interesting family member!**_

 _ **Sorry for the delay! Accidentally hit a block wall _**_

 **A Drunken Marriage of Thievery**

 _Summary: Life couldn't have gotten worse for Jaune. After getting kicked out of Beacon for his fake transcripts, he just wanted to drink to forget it. Too bad he couldn't remember anything afterwards and woke up in bed with that dark-skinned beauty he met at the bar._

 ***Chapter 5***

Emerald blinked her eyes open, and she saw that she had fallen asleep against Jaune's shoulder while the airship sped towards their safe haven. The blonde teen was also asleep, his breath gently stirring strands of his hair, and for the first time in far too long, Emerald felt a genuine smile grow on her lips. _'He really is something else, isn't he?'_

He was cute while asleep, and Emerald found herself leaning over to gentle plant her lips on his cheek. Jaune stirred from the contact, and he lazily opened his weary eyes. "Wha…oh, hey Em." He stretched out, letting out a yawn, and he placed his lips on her forehead in return. "Where the heck are we?"

"Dunno," Emerald shrugged, looking out the window of the airship. Outside, she was rewarded with a spectacular view of a crystal clear lake surrounded by birch trees and mountains. "But wherever we are, it's beautiful."

Jaune looked out, covering his mouth with a muffled groan, and his face turned pale green. "Uergh…I hate motion sickness." An unpleasant rumble sounded from his stomach, and he walked over towards the nearest trash can, stumbling to his knees. "Sorry you have to see this…"

"Maybe I can help you out." Emerald walked over to him. _'I've heard of this working before. Now it is time to see if the rumors have any truth to them.'_ She rolled up his adorable Pumpkin Pete hoodie and T-shirt, allowed herself to marvel at the muscle tone on his back and shoulders for a moment, and went to work.

Jaune squirmed for a moment, trying to see what she was doing. "W-what the heck are you—"

Emerald silenced him by rubbing his back, and the blonde let out a gasp as she started to rub his back. Emerald's hands worked diligently, kneading the stiffest parts, and the nasty rumbling from Jaune's stomach slowly ceased. Her slender fingers slid down the sides, and Jaune's breath hitched; he was clearly enjoying his treatment, the rumblings being replaced by what could only be described as a human purr. "Mmmm…right there…"

Emerald pressed harder, rubbing out a few knots in Jaune's back, and the blonde groaned in content. The green-haired woman suppressed a giggle, amused by the reaction she was getting, and pressed her thumb in the spot right between his shoulder blades to see if he'd melt. _'Let's see if you pass this test. I'm betting you become putty in my hands.'_

And he did. Jaune let out a moan of happiness, her name leaving his tongue. "E-emerald…mmmm~."

The noise was loud enough for the door to the cabin to swing open, courtesy of Qrow. The huntsman looked down at the two, eyebrows twitching, and he rolled his red eyes before taking a swig from his flask. "For Oum's sake, you really aren't quiet about your activities, are you? Reminds me of another goofy blonde."

The two shared an embarrassed glance, and Jaune spoke up. "Sorry…I was feeling a little sick, and she tried to help out." The blonde stood, pulling his hoodie and shirt down before giving her a hug of appreciation. "Thanks, Em. I feel a lot better now."

"I think I might be ill," Qrow grumbled.

"You're a real romantic, aren't you?" Emerald sighed. "I bet you're a hit with the ladies, old man." _'Geez. It's like the old man never got laid at all since leaving school.'_

"Old man? Who on Remnant are you calling old?" Qrow retorted, aghast at the mere mention of him being old. "This dusty blackbird is still young and as full of energy and stamina as I was when I was your age. And all the fine ladies love me, for your information. They all want a piece of this action."

"Really? Because I'm a woman, and I don't find myself wanting any."

"I said fine ladies."

"And who is the one who's supposed to be one of the top huntsmen in the world?" Jaune interrupted with a sigh. "Because you don't act like it."

Qrow opened his mouth to retort back when the airship suddenly stopped, and it began to drop. The huntsman looked out the window, and he reached for his flask again. "Whelp, we're here." The ship landed, and Qrow tossed a few lien cards towards the cockpit. "Catch. Keep the tip."

Emerald followed Jaune down the walkway, and once their feet hit the grass below, Jaune groaned in despair. "Oh no…"

"What is it?" Emerald asked, confused. _'Why would he be unhappy to be here? Is he familiar with the place?'_

"Qrow, why are we here?" Jaune held his hands over his face, and Emerald looked up to see a wooden sign arching over them. _'Camp Campbell? Where in the name of Remnant is this?'_

"You need a hideaway, and I need to keep an eye on you to make sure you don't end up burning down half of Vale while I work," Qrow replied, walking over towards a wood cabin. "You see…"

He went to open the door, and he ended up flat on his back as it burst open, a tall and skinny brunette man smiling ear to ear. "I thought I heard voices!" He looked down, his eyes wide in surprise when he saw the three, and almost fell over. "Jaune! How great to see you here at Camp Campbell again! And Qrow! It has certainly been too long!"

"Hi, Uncle David," Jaune sighed. "And yeah…it's definitely great to be back." It was clear by the way he said it that it was sarcastic, and Emerald suppressed a laugh.

"I imagine this is why you didn't want to come?" she whispered. It was nice to see another friendly face, even if it belonged to someone who seemed far too cheerful for their own good. _'I bet Jaune has a long story that'll explain even more.'_

Jaune nodded back, and he helped Qrow onto his feet. "Yeah. And Qrow? How the hell do you know my damn uncle?"

Qrow scratched the back of his head, letting out an awkward laugh. "Well, you see…I work here, too."

"WHAT!?" Jaune yelled. "I thought you were supposed to be one of Vale's best huntsmen! What do you mean, you work here!? That smells like bull—"

"Who the fuck is yelling out there!? Keep it down! David, get in here before I kick Space Kid's ass!" a frustrated and very tired female voice sounded from inside. "Motherfucker!"

"Oh dear. Don't worry Gwen! I'm coming!" David ran back inside, with the others hot on his footsteps.

Inside, Emerald's jaw dropped at the sight in front of her. "What in the name of Remnant…?" _'What kind of camp is this!? How the hell did he even get up there?'_ An incredibly dorky kid with a fishbowl on his head and equally dorky outfit was tied to the large ceiling fan, and was squealing in delight as it spun him around in circles.

While he was spinning, a disgruntled teen wearing a blue hoodie pulled out a BB gun, firing it at him. "Stop moving so fucking fast and let me hit you, dammit!"

"Max! Language!" David reprimanded.

"Suck a dick," the teen returned snidely.

"Is it always this hectic?" Emerald asked Jaune, the two of them watching the chaos with looks hovering between amusement and nervousness. _"I've seen some incredible things, but this…this takes the cake.'_ It was quite a spectacle; a skater girl was leaning in the corner, rocking out to bass-heavy music, and a short black-haired kid was just painting, minding his own business. An outdoorsy-looking green-haired girl was chasing a nerdy kid around with a platypus, a magic kid was teasing a LARPer, a meathead kid was throwing rocks at Space Kid, and a young dark-skinned woman was trying her best to stop the mayhem.

"You have no idea," Jaune sighed. "It wasn't this bad the last time I was here, though. The most we ever did was try and steal my uncle's phone to set him up on dates with random women across Remnant as a prank. He wasn't too happy when he caught on. Ah well, it was funny while it lasted."

The chaos was stopped when Max turned around and saw them; he lowered his BB gun, surprised. "Jaune? Holy shit man, where the fuck have you been? Hey guys! Jaune's back!"

"Hey Max," Jaune grinned. "Yeah, it's been a long time. How have you guys been without me?" He was soon swarmed by the campers, and he looked at Emerald with a bit of pleading in his eyes, mouthing for help. 'Help me!'

'I'll try,' Emerald mouthed back. She closed her red eyes and began to concentrate. Her semblance of illusions worked incredibly well against singular targets, like when she created the image of a penis to mess with her blonde husband. But more than one person was a struggle; she'd be lucky to only have to deal with a nagging headache.

She created the illusion that Jaune was now outside, sweat beads trickling down her face. _'Come on, buy it. Buy it…'_ Her head began to pulse and throb, and she was thankful when the campers all ran outside; she was already starting to wobble.

Jaune sighed in relief when they all left, and he gave a thankful smile to her, squeezing her bare shoulder. "Thanks, Em. They can be a handful." His brow furrowed in concern, and he put his other hand around her waist. "Hey, you don't look so good…"

Emerald felt herself slip, and the ground rushed up to meet her.

-0-

Qrow watched as Jaune caught Emerald in his hands, the green-haired girl passing out due to the effort of using her semblance on so many people at once. "Nice catch, kid." _Damn, poor girl passed out. Looks like she can only use it on one person at time.'_

Jaune brushed a hand over her hair, picking her up. "I would be one crappy husband if I let her fall on the ground and get a concussion, wouldn't I? Is my room being used by anyone? I want to let her sleep for a bit."

"It's unoccupied," David answered. "And…it's nice to see how you've grown since last time we met, Jaune."

"Thanks, Uncle."

Jaune carried Emerald to his room bridal style, and once they were gone, David turned back to Qrow. "Now Qrow, what's going on? You didn't give us a call or anything for a few months since you said you were taking an extended vacation."

Qrow reached for his flask, taking a swig and loving the taste of the familiar whiskey. "It's a little more serious than normal. Cinder Fall is pulling the strings of the Vale operation, and she's not happy knowing that one of her best thieves is trying to leave that world behind and settle down. Naturally, she'll be scouring the city for them, and I need keep them somewhere safe while I wave my magic wand and get their criminal mischief charges dropped."

"What did they do to warrant that?" David asked, shocked that Jaune could do such a thing.

"…let's just say they were drinking their brains out and ended up married after stealing the wedding rings while dressed as a cereal rabbit," Qrow chuckled. "Don't worry about your nephew; he's a good kid. I'll make sure nothing bad happens to him." _'Not on my damn watch.'_

"Married? Aren't they…?"

"Underage? Technically, no. Remember; legal age is seventeen in Vale," Qrow reminded. "They are both adults in that respect."

"But doesn't it need to be under the eye of a priest?" David pointed out. His eyes narrowed, and he folded his skinny arms across his chest with a look of disapproval. "Qrow, don't tell me you were the one who oversaw my nephew's wedding."

"Ahahahaha…" Qrow let out an awkward laugh, and he slowly backed towards the window; David rarely got angry, but in case he did, the huntsman wasn't going to think twice about changing into a crow and flapping his little birdy wings to escape into a tree until the counselor calmed down. "Maybe I did…? To be fair, they seem happy with each other?" _'That was a terrible excuse. I am definitely not a priest; I have no business marrying a bunch of intoxicated teenagers while making my own liver commit seppuku.'_

David sighed and rubbed his temples. "You are a piece of work, you know that?"

"Yeah, I know."

"Well, you better get used to being a counselor again. We'll need all the help we can get."

Qrow groaned, and he put his flask away. _'Damn kids. Now I remember why I don't want any of my own.'_

Time to get back to work at Camp Campbell.

 _ **A/N: Am I totally going into Camp Camp territory? You're goddamn right! XD ever since I watched the first episode of RWBY Chibi Season 3, I thought David would totally be Jaune's uncle XD.**_

 _ **Next, more loving fluff (because I'm gay as fuck for that shit) with our Topaz couple.**_


	6. Chapter 6

_**A/N: The next chapter is here! As always, thank you so much for all the support! It really does help make me feel like this is appreciated :3**_

 _ **As promised, fluff (because like I said in the previous chapter's note, I'm gay as fuck for that shit XD), but to balance it, let's take a dive into the craziness that is called the Mad King!**_

 **A Drunken Marriage of Thievery**

 _Summary: Life couldn't have gotten worse for Jaune. After getting kicked out of Beacon for his fake transcripts, he just wanted to drink to forget it. Too bad he couldn't remember anything afterwards and woke up in bed with that dark-skinned beauty he met at the bar._

 ***Chapter 6***

The Mad King sat in his throne in his citadel, chuckling softly as he reread the news headline for the day. "Ahahaha…would you look at that? They even got my good side." _'What fools. They see me as the philanthropist of this city. Their ignorance will all cost them dearly when the time is right. Nothing more than helpless little lambs waiting to be slaughtered.'_

He stroked the stubble on his chin, and one of his henchmen timidly knocked on the door. "U-uh, Mad King? There's someone here to uh, visit you?"

' _How odd. I do not recall setting up an appointment of any sorts.'_ The Mad King stood up, hand ready to throw his crooked crown. "Who is it? I am not expecting anyone here today."

The doors swung open, and in stepped the Queen of Darkness herself. "How disappointing. And I thought you would be a bit more accommodating, Ryan."

Salem.

Her dress billowed behind her as she slowly crossed the room, and upon realizing the importance of his guest, the Mad King graciously removed the crown from his head and pulled out a comfortable chair lined with chestnut; it was a common courtesy for the one who had given him everything, and he gave her pale hand a gentlemanly kiss as he guided her towards her seat. "Forgive me, Your Grace. I had not received word that you would be so kind as to give me a visit."

"Do not fret, Ryan," Salem replied as she sat down, folding her hands in her lap. "I don't imagine word would have reached you, with you being so busy of late."

The Mad King poured them each a cup of tea from a beautifully crafted tea set, and he smiled. "It should please you to know that the construction of my Labyrinth is finally completed. All I am waiting for now is the beast of my own design."

"And it is here," Salem replied, taking a sip. "He possesses strength above an Ursa Major, and the mobility of a Beowolf. One of the finest creations I have ever produced; you should count yourself a very lucky man to gain such a valuable asset to your operation."

The Mad King smiled again; he was clever enough to realize that following her faithfully would guarantee the power he desired, and her plans aligned with his hobbies of delicious murder. "I do. Those wise enough to follow your command find themselves richly rewarded, while those that try their feeble attempts of resistance against you are put down methodically and slowly."

"Your loyalty will indeed bear great fruits," Salem promised, sipping her tea. "Perhaps you would love to see a demonstration of the creation's power?"

"Oh yes, please," the Mad King chuckled. He stood up, offering his arm to her. "Please, allow me to escort you to the Labyrinth myself."

Salem took his hand, and the Mad King escorted her out of his office and into an elevator. He pressed a button, and it slowly began to descend. Even though he barely felt a thing, the Mad King knew he had just descended a good kilometer into the surface, through solid layers of concrete and granite. The fortress was large enough and powerful enough to withstand an enemy onslaught for months at a time.

The elevator stopped, and the Mad King walked forward with his hands behind his back. They were now standing on top of a transparent floor overlooking a giant maze, and he put his a hand over his heart. "Welcome to the Labyrinth of Despair, a maze so vast that it would take hours to solve, perhaps even days. Provided they survive that long."

"My, quite impressive, for a man of business such as yourself," Salem nodded in approval. She looked at a prisoner with a sword being dumped into the maze, and she raised an eyebrow in curiosity. "You wish to see my creation fight against an armed opponent?"

"Of course," the Mad King replied. He pressed a finger onto a control panel that extended from the floor, keying the microphone. _"Send in the creature. The test shall begin."_

A large black monster was dropped into the maze, and the Mad King quivered with delight upon laying eyes upon it. It was bipedal, and stood a good ten feet high. The curved horns on its head were more than capable of penetrating human flesh, and bits of armor covered its chest, face, arms, and legs. The red eyes glowed with a burning hatred to destroy, and opened its mouth to let out a bellowing cry that shook one's very soul.

"What a magnificent specimen to test on the fool who dared to disobey me," the Mad King whispered, a sadistic smile creeping on his face. "Trapped him with a maze and a beast of my design."

"Its official name is the Grimmotaur," Salem said silkily. "As he will obey every command that _you_ give him, you are more than free to name him whatever your black heart desires, Ryan. He acknowledges you, and only you, as his master; every order will be obeyed without hesitation or thought of rebellion. A loyal pet that shares your deep and dark desires of indulging in the theatrics of revenge."

"Excellent," the Mad King rubbed his hands gleefully as they watched the poor soul wander around the maze, not knowing that the Grimmotaur was only a few dozen yards away from tearing him to pieces. "I can think of many delightful ways to rip my enemies apart." _'The beauty of its power knows no bounds. It's a pity these are so hard to create; I would love to have a multiple of the beasts at my disposal.'_

The swordsman below rounded a bend, and he let out a shrill scream of panic upon laying eyes on the Grimmotaur. He turned to flee through the maze, the monster hot on his heels. He inevitably ran into a dead end, and he raised his sword with trembling arms as he faced the beast.

He swung his sword as the Grimmotaur charged. The beast ducked the strike, lowering its massive head, and delivered a powerful headbutt, sending him crashing into the stony walls of the Labyrinth. The man's aura took the brunt of the attack, now depleted by fifty percent. He wobbly got to his feet, blade in hand, and was immediately thrown to the ground by one of the Grimmotaur's powerful arms.

The sword skittered away, dancing over the smooth floor, and the Mad King's lip curled in satisfaction when he saw the man's aura had been completely depleted by a mere two strikes from the monster. _'It's over, you pathetic little fool. The display of your agonizing demise should be more than sufficient to send a message to those who still harbor thoughts of rebelling against my power.'_

The Grimmotaur roared, holding its victim's struggling form above its head, and ripped him apart. The man let out a deathly scream that would chill a lesser man's bones, and the Mad King applauded the spectacle. "Wonderful! Absolutely wonderful!"

Blood spilled onto the floor, and the event continued as the Grimmotaur dropped down to feast on the remains, cracking bone to reach the marrow inside and engorging on the organs of its first kill. After it had its fill, it stood back up on its muscular legs and roared again, a tongue licking human blood from its snout. The beast seemed to enjoy the taste of human flesh, and it stalked deeper inside the Labyrinth before clawing a hole inside the floor, presumably to rest until its next victim was cast within with maze.

"An impressive display. I am more than satisfied with the raw power contained within the beast, and it seems to have acquired a taste for human flesh. For that, I thank you," the Mad King said as he graciously bowed to Salem. "It makes tidying up so much easier."

"You are quite welcome, Ryan," Salem smirked. "Do let me know if you require anything else."

She stepped into a portal, vanishing into whatever dark dimension she resided in, and the Mad King took his seat again, resting his head in his hand. His fingers drummed on the arm of the chair, and he watched as the Grimmotaur slept after the bloodshed it committed. "Servant Girl!" _'I have the perfect name for you, my beast.'_

He clapped his hands twice, and a nervous-looking Faunus maid approached him, her fox ears flat against the side of her head. "Y-yes my King?"

"Let it be known throughout the castle that I am to not be disturbed unless it is a matter of the utmost importance and requires my immediate attention," the Mad King requested smoothly, pulling the girl down to stroke the ears. "Report those who fail to comply, and they will be thrown into the Labyrinth to taste the might of my pet Edgar."

"E-edgar?" the Faunus stammered, trying hard to resist a loud noise of content from escaping her throat. "Why did you choose to name it? He could be replaced by another in the unlikelihood he falls in battle; surely it's not wise to become attached to it?"

"You don't understand, my dearest," the Mad King smirked, looking at his pet below.

"Edgar is the one in the hole."

-0-

When Emerald opened her eyes, she was aware of a few things. One; her head hurt.

Two; she was in a different bed than she was accustomed.

Three; the person who was the owner of the bed was holding her hand.

She sat up with a groan, using her free hand to rub her weary eyes. "Ugh…headaches suck…"

Emerald looked at who was by her side, and she was surprised to see it was Jaune. "Jaune?"

The blonde stirred, and he sat up with a tired yawn. "Wha…oh, you're finally up. Had me worried for a bit after you passed out. Thought you might be sick or something, so I carried you to bed."

"Y-you carried me?" Emerald blushed at the thought of him carrying her like an ancient hero would carry a beautiful maiden. "I must have been heavy…"

"Not at all," Jaune chuckled, rubbing his own eyes. "The only tricky part was opening the door to my room while my passed out wife is in my hands; I only have two legs and arms each."

"I'd make a joke, but you'd either boo or blush like a schoolgirl."

"…I think I know what you mean. You were going to make the 'third leg' joke to me, weren't you?"

"Maybe," Emerald stuck out her tongue to tease. "Nyaaaaa~!"

Jaune rolled his eyes and stretched. "Well, it's about two in the morning now, and everyone else is asleep. Do you want to go for a walk?"

He offered his hand, and Emerald took it, sitting up. "Sure. I could use the stretch."

The two crept past a sleeping Qrow, who was sprawled on the couch with a bottle of whiskey cradled in his arms and a newspaper on his face. Emerald sighed and put the bottle onto the nearest table; the huntsman wouldn't be happy if he managed to spill a single drop of his precious beverage in his sleep. _'Why he likes that crap is beyond me. It tastes like rubbing alcohol.'_

They walked outside, and Emerald sighed at the sight in front of her. "It's beautiful." The moon was overhead the large lake outside the camp, and its light more than enough to turn the forest into quite the romantic setting. The sounds of crickets chirped around them, and she leaned against Jaune's shoulder as they looked up at the stars above. "Quite the romantic, aren't you?"

"I always liked taking nighttime walks. Figured you'd enjoy it, too," Jaune admitted, sitting down on the ground. "And I admit I am a sucker for this kind of crap. Call me cheesy, but I just love having a view like this. Sharing it with someone else is even better."

"Well, I appreciate it." Emerald sat next to him, entwining her hand with his. "Thanks."

The two sat down for awhile silently, and Jaune let out a slow sigh. "You're the first girl I've ever been in a relationship with, you know that?"

Emerald looked at him in surprise; it hardly seemed believable. He was handsome, funny, and nice. How could she possibly be the first girl he's even dated? "You're pulling my leg, right?"

"No leg pulling here, Em. Unless you want me to," Jaune joked. "And I'm serious, too. All seven of my older sisters would be happy that I finally found someone. My dad would probably throw me the birds and the bees talk, and my mom…well, she'd be annoyed that I got married while drunk."

"You have seven older sisters?" Emerald was amazed at the size of his family.

"Yep. You have no idea how many times I had to fight them off from putting pigtails in my hair. Personally, I see myself as more of a 'warrior's wolf tail' kind of guy," Jaune replied, giving his hair a little flip.

"That's just a ponytail…"

"I stand by what I said."

Emerald laughed, and the former thief lay down on the ground with one hand behind her head. _'Too cute.'_ The two looked at each other for several tense seconds, and Emerald swallowed a lump in her throat. Those beautiful blue orbs and soft lips were only inches away from her looked so tempting, and her heart began to pound in her chest. It would be so easy to just lean in and kiss him.

She leaned forward, blushing, and Jaune's eyes widened as she planted her lips on his. _'Screw it.'_

The kiss was gentle, and lasted no more than two seconds at the most. But it was enough.

Once Emerald removed her lips, Jaune let out a nervous chuckled and scratched the back of his head. "Hehe…what's the occasion?"

"For being a good romantic," Emerald answered with a smile, pecking him on the lips again. "Now stop talking."

Jaune didn't reply; instead, he placed his hands on her waist, kissing back. This one was a little more romantic, and Emerald let a weak moan escape her mouth, muffled by Jaune's lips covering her own. She was about to put her hands under his shirt—

"The fuck are you two lovebirds doing?" an annoyed voice interrupted.

Max.

The two split apart, both red in the face, and Jaune tried to explain. "We were, uh, just talking!"

"You're terrible at bullshitting," Max replied dryly. "You might want to get inside; David's going crazy wondering where you snuck off to, and Nikki isn't helping by making lewd suggestions."

"Right!" Jaune got to his feet, helping Emerald up, and the former thief scowled at Max's back.

He was _so_ going to pay for interrupting their moment…

 _ **A/N: Hehehe…**_

 _ **What, did you seriously think you were getting some smut? Well, if it makes you feel any better, the original draft of this chapter did have Max walking in on them having sex…**_


	7. Chapter 7

_**A/N: Chapter 7 of my DM! I'm so stoked as to how much fun this fic is turning out to be! Enjoy this chapter :3**_

 _ **And I love how people called me a cockblock XDDDDDD. Don't worry, you'll get some smutty goodness soon~**_

 _ **P.S. Yesterday was me and my fiancée's four year anniversary!**_

 **A Drunken Marriage of Thievery**

 _Summary: Life couldn't have gotten worse for Jaune. After getting kicked out of Beacon for his fake transcripts, he just wanted to drink to forget it. Too bad he couldn't remember anything afterwards and woke up in bed with that dark-skinned beauty he met at the bar._

 ***Chapter 7***

The next day, Emerald was more annoyed than she had been in a while.

And her frustration was directed at the one who disrupted her and Jaune's romantic night, Max. She wanted to make him pay, but sadly, it was as if he expected some sort of retaliation; he kept his distance at all costs, and by the hour, Emerald's frustration was growing. It was only a matter of time before she snapped and beat him to death with his own skull. _'Why that little…he is so going to pay! But he's smarter than he looks! How the hell do I exact my revenge on him!?'_ "Damn you Max…"

It didn't help that the teen wore the smuggest expression on his face during every failed attempt, and his grin would grow bigger and bigger with each attempt of strangulation. Worse, seemingly everyone in camp heard about her and Jaune's little starlight make-out session. Max made sure of that, with his damn floodgate of a mouth.

But now, Emerald had to focus. For Qrow was in charge of camp while David and Gwen went out to town to grab some supplies for a massive event they were planning in the future.

Qrow looked hungover, and he groaned as the bright sunlight shone overhead. He shielded his eyes, and he looked at the campers in exhaustion. "Alright, I have a hangover. Can anyone care to tell the rest of ya what that means?"

"It means you're totally wasted, man," the skater girl Ered grinned.

"Wrong. It means I was drunk yesterday," Qrow corrected, rubbing his temples. "…but yes I am drunk. And sadly for you, I'm in charge. You might remember the stupid little sales that those flowery idiots and giant meatheads like to have every year to raise revenue. Well, Gwen is tired of being broke and hates losing even more than I do, so you'll be doing a sale of your own."

A chorus of annoyed groans echoed.

"What are we supposed to be selling?" Emerald asked in exasperation. "You sure we can't just sabotage the others?" _'Surely that's easier. Just plant a little salt in their soda or something. And with my semblance, I could pull it off.'_

Qrow gave her a hard stare. "No. The last thing I need is their stupid ditz of a Flower Mother marching up here trying to press charges."

"How about we just sell pictures of Emerald and Jaune making out?" Max smirked. "Hell, everyone these days is into that gay romance shit; we could sell dozens of those to magazines and make millions."

Emerald growled, and she was about to put her fist through his smug little face when Jaune put a hand on her shoulder, shaking his head. "Don't. I know it's tempting, but getting riled up only fuels him."

Emerald cooled herself down, shooting Max a look that said, 'Watch your back'.

Jaune tapped his lips, thinking about something. "What about a bake sale? I mean, I am a pretty good baker. You name it, I can make it. Cakes, pies, cookies, brownies; the whole lot."

"Not a bad idea," Max agreed. His friends Nikki and Neil rubbed their hands together, and Max looked over at the blonde knight. "So, you think you can pull this one out of your ass? How the fuck do you think you can best the Flower Scouts and the Wood Scouts at the same time?"

Jaune smiled, and he rolled the sleeves of his hoodie. "Just sit back and watch. Qrow, call my uncle and see if you can't 'convince' him to get a few extra things."

A group of loud growls echoed in the forest, and Emerald tensed when she recognized the sound. "Beowolves. At least twenty, by the sound of it." _'Dammit, even here there are Grimm. And I don't have a weapon.'_

Qrow reached for his sword, extending it into a giant scythe. "Kids, get back into the cafeteria. Jaune, Emerald and I can handle this."

Jaune had already gotten his sword and shield prepared, and he looked over to his wife. "Find the suitcase I brought, and open it."

Emerald sprinted back towards the cabin, and it while she ran, she could hear the sound of the Beowolves get closer. "Well, this is just fantastic. First real day here, and we're already being attacked by Grimm. Now I see why they need Qrow to work here." _'Him as a counselor at some weird summer camp. That old drunk is just full of surprises.'_

Inside, she found the suitcase, undid the buckles, and inside was not what she expected. "What the…?" _'Is that what I think it is? But these are really rare!'_

Inside Jaune's case was a weapon known as the Blazefire Saber, a gunblade-class weapon only used by the top soldiers of the Atlesian military. At first glance, it looked like a standard long sword. But upon closer inspection, one could see that the blade folded back to reveal a high-caliber rifle hidden inside, capable of firing a powerful shot that would down an Ursa with three shots. The weapons were incredibly rare, and yet, her husband happened to possess one of these unique Grimm-slaying blades.

Emerald picked it up, and the gunblade felt light in her hands. _'Feels nice.'_ Along with it were several clips of Lightning Dust-charged ammo, and the former thief grabbed them, having a good feeling she would need the extra firepower.

She sprinted back outside, and she saw her husband and Qrow fighting off the Beowolves to the best of their ability without wrecking the camp. Jaune was slicing his sword at any Grimm he could find, and Qrow was drinking from his flask while shooting at the monsters with the rifle hidden in his sword.

 _Why am I not surprised he's drinking?'_ Emerald joined the fray, folding the Blazefire Saber's blade back to use the rifle inside. "Sorry I'm late."

"Hey, I'm glad you made the party," Jaune grinned, blocking a dangerous swipe with his shield and bashing the Beowolf back. "It was getting a little boring without you. And nice to see you found what I was talking about." He spun, and his blade cutting through the Beowolf's chest.

"Yeah, about that. How did you manage to get your hands on this?" Emerald asked, firing the rifle. The Dust rounds met their target, and to her surprise, a bolt of lightning struck down, stunning every single Beowolf within range. "What the…?" _'It causes a lightning strike? Just how powerful is this damn thing?'_

"Long story short, a family friend gave it to me," Jaune answered, sliding his sword into its sheath now that all the invaders were dead. "She said I'd know who to give it to when the time is right."

"Wait, wait, wait," Qrow interrupted, taking several gulps from his flask and walking over to inspect the gunblade. "Are you saying what I think you are? Because only one person I know had one of those."

"And who would that be?"

"Claire Farron."

"Well, you're right," Jaune admitted. "We tend to know each other pretty well; she's saved my butt a few times when I thought I could take on Grimm in my underwear as a kid."

The image of an exasperated woman dragging a miniature Jaune in his undies back to his house planted itself firmly in Emerald's mind, and she tried hard to stifle a giggle. She failed. "Oh my Oum! That's hilarious! So cute, too." _'I bet he was cute as a little kid. It must have been hard to get angry at him.'_

"Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up," Jaune rolled his eyes mockingly. "I thought I could actually do it, too. Good thing Claire followed me; I'd shudder to think what would have happened if she didn't."

"How old were you?"

"Ten. Man, one dumb kid I was," the blonde sighed. "What the heck was I thinking? If I was going to fight Grimm, I should've borrowed some armor or something. Only an idiot would think of fighting monsters in their underwear."

Emerald noticed Qrow blushed with embarrassment, and she folded her arms. "Something to add onto that, old man?"

"Ehehe…" Qrow scratched the back of his head, whistling innocently. "I have no idea what you're talking about. The only monster I was slaying was the one in my bed that night. If you get what I mean."

"Qrow!" Jaune's face was red. "We don't want to hear your crappy glory stories anymore."

"Agreed," Emerald added. She was tempted to make him suffer using her semblance to annoy him, and had a few ideas already. One included being locked in a room with no alcohol in it.

Qrow smirked, only to yelp out not even ten seconds later as David and Gwen returned in their van, nearly running the huntsman over. "Hey! Watch it!"

The happy counselor's arms were full of grocery bags, and he nearly doubled over from the weight. "Can someone be a dear and lend a helping hand? These are heavier than they look."

"David, I swear to Oum," Gwen growled. "If you're just trying to dump these onto someone so you can play that stupid song, I'll give Max your credit card and bank account password."

"Too late," Max grinned, having joined them. "I already have that shit. Guess who just bought a small airplane? This guy!"

"I thought I told you to change your password!" Jaune face-palmed.

"I did!" David protested. "I thought it was a good one!"

"Uncle, 12345 is the dumbest password in existence!" Jaune grumbled. "That's the kind of thing an idiot would have on their luggage!"

"…I better go change the combination on my luggage then," David muttered, dumping his bags into Emerald's arms and sprinting as fast as his skinny legs could carry him.

Jaune sighed, and he looked over towards Max. "So…about this airplane you bought. How big is it and when is it getting here?"

"Dunno. Maybe a week or two, and can fit at least three people in it," Max shrugged. "Why, do you want to fly it to some beach resort to fuck your wife?"

"Watch your language, you little shit," Gwen growled, brandishing a fist at him. "Or so help me, I will lock you in a room and make David play that stupid song he won't shut up about. And I do mean it."

Max shut his mouth and ran inside faster than one could say, 'Crap'.

"How bad is this song?" Emerald asked, huffing and dragging the bags into the cafeteria cabin with Gwen and Jaune. "It can't be that much of a punishment, right?" _'Just how bad is it? Is it as torturous as nails on a chalkboard? Or does it simply suck?'_

David poked his head out of the cabin, grinning ear to ear and with an acoustic guitar in his hands. "Did I hear someone ask about the song? OHHHHH!"

Emerald watched as Jaune, Gwen, Qrow, and Max all tried to cover their ears as the counselor began to sing. And she understood why they resented it so much.

It was awful.

"There's a place I know that's tucked away! A place where you and I can stay! Where we can go to laugh and play, and have adventures everyday!" David sang happily, unaware that he was making everyone within earshot suffer.

Emerald saw how badly Max was reacting towards it, and she smirked. _'Hehehehe…now I have such a devious idea.'_

She knew how to get him back for ruining her and Jaune's moment the previous night.

She activated her semblance, focusing on Max as her target, and created the illusion of twenty Davids all singing the Oum-awful song. Instant results. And they were delicious.

Max's eyes twitched, and he screamed in the girliest voice imaginable before assuming the fetal position, hugging his knees. "NO! KEEP THEM AWAY FROM ME!"

Qrow, David, and Gwen looked at Max in surprise, concerned as to why he just started randomly screaming.

Jaune, meanwhile, caught the mischievous look in Emerald's red eyes, and he mouthed to her. 'You didn't!'

'I did', Emerald mouthed back, folding her arms triumphantly and picking up the remaining groceries while the adults tended to Max.

Once out of earshot, she shook with laughter. "Serves him right for interrupting us last night. Oh, doesn't petty payback taste sweet…" _'That ought to be traumatizing enough. If not, I have something else for him.'_

"Remind me to not annoy you," Jaune mumbled, opening one of his bags and pulling out a package of cake mix, frosting, and sprinkles. "Hm. Strawberry isn't my first pick, but I can make do. Can you pass me the cream?"

"Bow chicka bow wow."

"Dammit Em…"

 _ **A/N: I hope someone caught the 'not-so-well-hidden' joke of 12345. Bonus points if you get the reference, as well as if you know who Claire Farron is. (hint: she's from one of the most famous game franchises ever)**_

 _ **And because I have the humor of a goddamn thirteen year-old, prepare for a lot of lewd jokes in the future, and smutty goodness. Also, don't forget to check out the poll question!**_


	8. Chapter 8

_**A/N: Hey guys, I'm here with chapter 8 of mah DM! Good on some of you for getting the Spaceballs joke and knowing who Claire Farron is. She's totally my number one video game waifu XD. She'll make an actual appearance in this, and her weapon is something Final Fantasy fans should know…(hint: think Zack Fair). Also, sorry for the Skyrim joke in this chapter.**_

 _ **Notice: I won't be open to PMs for a few days. I just need to sort some things out in my life, but I'll be reopening my inbox on the 12th of this month**_

 **A Drunken Marriage of Thievery**

 _Summary: Life couldn't have gotten worse for Jaune. After getting kicked out of Beacon for his fake transcripts, he just wanted to drink to forget it. Too bad he couldn't remember anything afterwards and woke up in bed with that dark-skinned beauty he met at the bar._

 ***Chapter 8***

Jaune sniffed longingly as the delicious and irresistible scent of cakes baking filled the air, and his mouth watered. _'Damn. Too bad I can't eat any of these. I'd love to take a bite to get a taste of my handiwork.'_

Jaune had learned to bake from his eldest sister, Jade. She was adamant in making sure he knew how to take care of a lady properly, and being able to bake a good cake was one of those things she taught. Along with being polite and keeping an open ear to his significant other's problems. _'Thanks, Sis. Maybe I should make an extra for Em.'_

The thought of his family was a little bittersweet. One part of him would be happy to see all seven of his sisters and parents. But at the same time, he didn't want to. It was going to be hard explaining that he got booted out of Beacon and drunkenly married to a former thief in the span of twenty-four hours. _'Man, my mother's going to tear out my intestines through my rear end when she finds out. And that's going to be a sweet mercy compared to what Jade will do.'_

' _Maybe if I explain they won't kill me?'_ He pulled two cakes out of the oven when the timer went off, and he set the racks on the counter to cool down; he had found out the hard way that trying to apply icing immediately led to melted icing, and that was no good. Especially since Camp Campbell was now depending on his skills in the kitchen to bring in some extra revenue for more stuff. And so Qrow can make the annoying Flower Scouts shut up about how successful their cookie sales were.

' _Heck, my dad will probably boast about me being capable of carrying his legacy of being a champion beer drinker.'_ He chuckled at that.

Jaune looked over at the other two cakes that he had taken out over thirty minutes ago, and his eye twitched. He was also sure he grew facial hair to rival Professor Port.

The damn red velvet cake with vanilla icing was gone. _'Dammit. Who took it? Now isn't the time for games.'_ He glanced at the timer. The pale red numbers glowed back at him, reading 20 minutes. _'I still have time, but I shouldn't have to run all over the camp looking for a cake.'_

He had a pretty decent clue where to start looking. Nikki had a bad sweet tooth, as he could recall the adventurous girl raiding the kitchens for cakes, brownies, candy, and anything else sweet. _'I'll ask her first.'_

Jaune wiped his hands on a towel, and he passed by the ever-tired Gwen. "Hey, can you uh, do me a solid and keep an eye on those until I get back?"

"Sure," Gwen mumbled, drinking from her never-ending cup of coffee. Poor woman had rings around her eyes, and she let out a stifled yawn. "By the way, your wife wants to talk to you about something by the docks. Said it was important."

' _Em? I wonder what she wants.'_ Jaune was curious. Knowing Emerald, it was probably to a plan of hers to continue to get back at Max even though he now avoided her like the plague. "I'll see what it is. If I'm not back before the oven beeps, can you take them out and set them on the racks to cool?"

"Sure."

"Thanks Gwen."

Jaune ran out, and he groaned in pain as he collided with Neil and Max. The three fell in a heap, and Max felt his head. "Jesus fucking Christ man. Football season's over."

"Sorry about that," Jaune apologized, his aura healing the bump he was sure to have otherwise. He helped both onto their feet, with Neil dusting off his pants. "Hey, have either of you seen Nikki lately? One of the cakes for the sale has gone missing, and I'm willing to bet 50 lien that she stole it."

"Dunno," Neil shrugged. "I saw her going over to Qrow's tent earlier with something in her hands. Funny. I never knew the old man had a thing for sweets, or that Nikki had a bit of a crush on him."

"I'd rather not think about that," Jaune sighed. "Thanks for the tip. Gwen's keeping an eye on the cakes in the oven for me, so I'm off to get the missing one back." _'Dammit Nikki. We need that to beat the Wood Scouts.'_

Outside, he was greeted by warm sunshine and the gentle chirping of birds. David was chasing Nerf (who had a knife in his hands for a reason Jaune didn't want to know), and the blonde knight made his way over to Qrow's tent. It was easy to find it, since it was lined with bottles of whiskey and a sign that said, 'No kids allowed'. _'Why am I not surprised?'_

He could hear a voice coming from within, and he cleared his throat to announce his presence. "Hey, Qrow. It's Jaune. Do you know where the hell my damn cake is? Someone stole it." _'I wouldn't be surprised if he's stuffing his face with it.'_

"Yeah, Nikki gave it to me after she found it by itself." Qrow poked his head out, the cake in hand. "Take it; I'm on the phone with Claire right now."

"Really? What's she up to?" Jaune hadn't seen or heard from Claire in a few years, not since his fourteenth birthday. It was also the day she left him her trusted Blazefire Saber, now being used by his wife.

"Nothing much. She already knows about you getting wasted and married, though," Qrow answered, handing over the baked goodness. "And guess what that means?"

"She's coming up here to berate the both of us, isn't she?"

"Yep. Claire's got a week free starting tomorrow, so she'll make sure to visit." Qrow winced away as an angry shout sounded from his scroll. "And yell at the both of us. sorry kid, but there's no way out of this one."

Jaune shrugged; Claire gave off the vibe that she was terrifying to be around, but she was a big softy underneath the cool exterior. She treated Jaune like her adopted little brother, and she wouldn't be mad at him for too long. "Eh, we both deserve it. I shouldn't have been drinking, and you shouldn't have married two teenagers." _'She really is another big sis. I wonder who would win in a contest between her and Jade.'_ He almost laughed at the thought; he had seen Claire beat a Beowolf to death with her bare hands when she got disarmed, and Jade once beat a would-be rapist to death with his own severed arm. Both women were tougher than steel.

And yet, Jade retired from being a huntress at the age of 27, after taking an arrow to the knee. The endless jokes made by Jaune and their father lasted for more than three weeks.

She wasn't happy.

Jaune walked away, leaving Qrow to get yelled at some more, and he remembered that Gwen said Emerald was waiting for him near the docks on the lake. _'I do wonder what she wants.'_

When he arrived, Emerald was looking out towards the lake, watching the cool blue waves gently lap on the sandy beach. "Em? What's up?"

"Hmm? Oh, hey Jaune." Emerald blinked a few times. "I was just thinking about something."

"Want to talk about it?" Jaune asked, taking a seat next to her and holding her hand.

Emerald leaned on his shoulder, and she was silent for a few moments before she spoke again. "I wanted to know…what is your family like? You didn't really talk much about it."

"Where do I even start?" Jaune laughed. "Well, my dad is a former huntsman. Graduated near the top of his class at Beacon. My mother was, too. They were teammates, and eventually got together. When they settled down, my dad told me he drunkenly agreed to have as many kids as they could until Mom had a boy. I'm the youngest of eight. Seven sisters, all who are overly protective of their baby brother."

"Wow. Must have been crazy living in a house with seven girls," Emerald whistled.

"Tell me about it." Jaune missed them. Even if they wouldn't stop trying to braid his hair and make him look like a little schoolgirl. "They taught me how to dance, too."

"You're a dancer?"

"Yep. A pretty good one, I like to think."

Emerald smiled. She gave him a quick peck on the cheek, cupping his face. "Well, I hope they like your choice of bride."

"I'm sure they will," Jaune kissed back. "And if they don't, well too bad. I love you."

Emerald's eyes widened, and they began to water a little before she flung herself on top of him, making him yelp in surprise. "Oh, Jaune…I never had anyone say that to me. I love you too." She pulled him into a deep kiss, her tongue gently prodding at his lips to demand entry. "Open up."

Jaune complied, his hands settling on her waist, and his tongue battled against hers for thirty seconds before he reluctantly pulled apart. "Sorry Em, but I have to make sure the cakes are okay. Otherwise, I'd love to spend the rest of the day just kissing you." _'That was easily the best kiss of my life. Damn, it's a shame I can't stay here and do this for eternity.'_

"I know. And you're such a lovable puffball," Emerald smiled, kissing him again. "I'll come with you, Master Chef."

The two lovebirds headed back up to the camp, and Jaune entered the kitchen to find Gwen standing guard by the cakes with a bat in hand. "Thanks for the guard duty."

"No problem. If you need me, I'll be watching a soap opera for the next three and a half hours." Gwen walked on out, and Jaune rolled up his sleeves before he got back to work.

He picked up a container of frosting, offering it to Emerald. "You want to help out? I could always use an extra set of hands."

"I bet you could. For other purposes too, bow chicka bow wow," Emerald teased.

Jaune blushed at the thought, and he looked away with his cheeks red from the not-so-well hidden innuendo. "Dammit Em. Don't make me wipe icing on you." _'Oh Oum. I just set myself up. Why? Why did I say that!?'_

"Bow chicka bow wow wow~."

"Goddammit. That's it," Jaune playfully threatened. "Now you're going to get it." He wiped a small bit of vanilla icing onto his fingertip and gently booped her on the nose. "Boop!"

"Eek! Jaune!" Emerald tried to not giggle. "No fair! Boop!" She booped him with chocolate icing, and the two shared a mischievous look.

The Boop War of Camp Campbell had begun.

"Boop!" Jaune got her back immediately. Except he missed her nose, and it landed right on her cheek. He blushed as he slowly realized how wrong it looked, with cream now on her face. "Uh…" _'Oh Oum, no. That looks…like I just did something else entirely.'_ His collar became very hot all of a sudden, and the lewd thoughts traveled to a specific part of his anatomy.

Emerald wiped her cheek, licking it off her finger seductively. "Oh, you bad, bad boy Jaune…am I to take that as something you may or may not want to do later~?"

Jaune tried to speak, but no words came out.

It looked like he was in for it now.

At least this time around, he'd probably be conscious for the whole event.

 _ **A/N: Alright, that's it for this one. The only reason I didn't add a lemon was because I wasn't sure if it fit in this chapter.**_

 _ **So, what do you guys think? Add one for next chapter, or not at all? Leave your thoughts in a review.**_

 _ **Plus, if you haven't already, check out my JaunexEmerald one-shot compilation!**_


	9. Chapter 9

_**A/N: Well, after asking if you all wanted a lemon or naw, I really should've expected the answer lol. So, I'll ATTEMPT to do it justice. I'm not an expert smut man (yes, I am a dude. Why people think otherwise is beyond me), but again, I'm going to give it my best shot. I'll actually open up today's update with smut. If it's a little gushy, sorry XD. I'm a romantic at heart.**_

 _ **And we'll see more of the Mad King!**_

 **A Drunken Marriage of Thievery**

 _Summary: Life couldn't have gotten worse for Jaune. After getting kicked out of Beacon for his fake transcripts, he just wanted to drink to forget it. Too bad he couldn't remember anything afterwards and woke up in bed with that dark-skinned beauty he met at the bar._

 ***Chapter 9***

Emerald dragged Jaune into a random spare bedroom by the collar of his hoodie, a lusty look in her red eyes. "Damn, I want you. I want you so badly, I can't friggin' stand it." She pulled him in for another frenzied kiss, her hands sliding up his chest, and her body was pressing against his.

"Y-you do?" Jaune blushed, returning the kiss and settling his hands on her waist. He was inexperienced in this field unlike his father; he hadn't even really had the good old 'birds and the bees' talk yet, apart from what he learned from his sisters. He didn't know whether to laugh at the irony of him sleeping with someone beforehand or cry that no one thought he'd ever score.

"Yes. Now stop talking." Emerald shoved him onto the bed, and the blonde let out a surprised squawk as he fell on his back and the lime-haired girl straddled his waist. She kissed him fiercely, and she pulled his hoodie over his head to toss it into a corner of the room.

Her hands tugged on his shirt, and he reluctantly pulled his lips away to remove it, shaking his messy hair with a smile. "At least we'll be conscious this time around, eh?"

"Smooth," Emerald leaned down, kissing feverishly on his chest. "Lemme take charge to help you out, okay?"

Jaune nodded, but part of him couldn't let her do all the work. "I'll help." He reached up, and while enjoying his chest kisses, helped Emerald undo the belt around her pants. He blushed; he had never done this, and his inexperience showed in his slight awkwardness once the belt was undone and her tight jeans became noticeably looser. _'Dammit. Having the talk would really be useful about now.' '_ 'S-sorry!"

Emerald smiled, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. "You're fine baby. Keep going." She fumbled with his own belt, kissing him encouragingly. "Come on…I'm getting all hot here."

In one movement, she yanked Jaune's pants and boxers down, surprising the blonde knight. He instinctively covered his crotch, blushing furiously as he tried to conceal his proud manhood. "Eek!" He hadn't been completely naked in front of anyone like this before, and he felt himself twitch under his palms. "U-um…" _'Oops…I didn't want to be a weirdo.'_

"You are way too cute, you know that?" Emerald leaned down, pushing his hands away to get a look at her husband's jewels. "Nice looking set you got there, honey."

"I take it that's a good thing?"

"You really haven't had the talk, have you?"

"Not really," Jaune sheepishly admitted, scratching the back of his head. "Not sure if that means they thought I wouldn't get any or they just didn't think I was ready."

"Don't worry about it." Emerald wrapped her hand around him, slowly pumping up and down it.

Jaune opened his mouth, only to let out a soft moan of pleasure as Emerald's hand stroked him. "Ahhh…" He felt himself twitch, and he moaned into a sweet kiss, finally able to pull off Emerald's tight jeans and tossing them away to reveal the cute pair of dark green panties underneath. He really should've seen it coming; green was one of her favorite colors and she loved limes.

Emerald giggled once she was mostly undressed; her hips rocked back and forth on his lap, teasing him, and she smirked at his embarrassed reaction. "Geez Jaune. I think you need this more than I originally thought."

She bit her lip, looking at him longingly as she rubbed her covered center over him. "Dammit. Just take them off. I can't stand it anymore."

The blonde pulled her panties down, his lips trailing down her jaw and tracing his fingers down her smooth stomach. "Are you ready?"

"I am," Emerald whispered, rubbing her wet entrance against his proud manhood. "Please, make love to me."

Jaune pulled her in for a kiss, aligned himself, and entered her.

The sensation was nothing like he experienced. So many feelings coursed through him at once; wetness, warmth, and tightness. It was like he was a perfect fit. "E-em!"

The lime-haired girl gasped out, and she clutched at his shoulders, raking her nails down his chest. "Ah! Jaune~!" She shivered in excitement, and it looked like she was in a spot between ecstasy and pain. "Mmm…"

"Am I hurting you?" Jaune's eyes were wide in concern; the last thing he wanted to do was hurt the woman he loved.

Emerald shook her head, leaning down and kissing him. "No. I just wasn't expecting you to be…well, this big." She started to rock her hips up and down, squeezing one of her soft breasts and moaning as she got used to having him inside.

"Oh~!" Her chest bounced with each movement, and her voice sounded so beautiful; it was a gorgeous orchestra of love to Jaune's ears.

Jaune kissed her neck, gently suckling on the tender skin to leave a mark on it, and that seemed to drive Emerald to take more of him. Her tongue licked around his collarbone while her body moved so perfectly with him inside, and her red eyes were round with both happiness and love. "Yes! Right there!"

Jaune tilted his head back with a groan, his fingers tracing around her back and sides. "Ah! It feels so good!" _'So this is what lovemaking is like. Two partners, in perfect symphony with each other to give their lover the best sensation possible.'_

The emotions surging through him weren't those that could be put into words, or described by a mere statement. He felt happier than he had ever been, even with the recent thoughts of being chewed out by his parents still lingering in his mind. The warmth that surged through his chest, purring like a content lion, could only be one thing.

Love.

He was experiencing what it was like to really be in love with someone. Now, he knew what his father meant when he said only those who are truly in love will open up to their partner in the most intimate of ways; Jaune just wanted to let himself be encased by Emerald, and make her happy to the best of his abilities. _'Wow. I really am like my dad. Like father, like son.'_

His hips began moving upward into hers, their lips meeting in an act of intimacy. Her mouth was open, and her tongue gently prodded against her lips, begging for entry with a series of throaty moans. Jaune complied happily, allowing her tongue to slip into his mouth and explore his oral cavern.

Their tongues met, both vying for true control of the other. Jaune was able to resist for about two minutes, but eventually, he was pushed back by Emerald, who gently suckled on it with his tongue trapped between her soft lips. The taste of her lips was intoxicating; he wanted more.

And he received more.

The cute noises that left Emerald's mouth with each jerk of their hips was almost too much, and he worked his hands up her stomach until he reached her soft breasts. They weren't the biggest he had seen, but his father had insisted that anything bigger than a handful was useless.

Emerald's fit nicely in the palm of his hand.

Assuming they were just as sensitive as the rest of her at the present time, he undid the knot keeping her shirt/bra tied, and allowed the soft mounds of flesh to bounce free from their cloth prison. Now free from restraint, the blonde knight leaned up and took one in his mouth, suckling on it.

Emerald moaned louder, her fingers riding through his soft hair and making her bounce harder on him. "Oh Jaune~! Ahhhh~!"

Her hips jerked, and she trembled before burying Jaune deeper inside her. "O-ohhhh~!" She clenched around him, and Jaune felt himself began to throb inside her; his own release was rapidly drawing closer.

"Em, I'm…I'm…" Jaune couldn't finish his sentence; he was too overwhelmed by the feeling of his lover tightening around his length as if to keep him inside.

"Go on, my love," Emerald whispered huskily into his ear. "Ride it out."

Jaune trembled himself, and he gasped out as he experienced a pleasuring release that he had never had before. "Em! Ahhhh!" A warm and sticky liquid shot out of his manhood, and Emerald moaned happily as it spilled into her, shaking her hips.

"Mmm…it's so warm," she smiled down at him, kissing him and removing her body from his. "You're amazing, for someone who never really had the talk yet."

"Really?" Jaune kissed back, entwining his hand with hers and sliding up and down her back.

"Mmhm," Emerald snuggled her way into his chest, resting her head on him. "Now, don't move. I want to cuddle."

Her eyes closed, and the gentle rise and fall of his chest lulled her to sleep. The blonde knight kissed her head, and tired himself, joined her.

The bake sale could always wait a few hours anyway.

-0-

The Mad King sighed in boredom, tapping his fingers against the finely crafted wood of his armchair. He had told Cinder nothing in regards to the whereabouts of her little problem, and his only source of entertainment for a refined gentleman like himself was watching as helpless fools were devoured by his new pet Edgar. Sure, it was quite delightful watching their sinews get gnawed upon by the Grimm's gnashing teeth and hearing their agony-filled screams. But a man can only murder so many people in a week before they need to find other thrills to pursue.

He stood up, smoothed his finely stitched kilt, and walked away from his Labyrinth; Edgar had gotten bored as well, with the pitiful humans tossed inside barely able to provide a decent fight against a creature of such strength.

The Mad King pursed his lips. _'Perhaps I should grace the torture chamber with my radiant presence? After all, it has been far too long since I've had the delight of observing Hojo's experiments.'_

One of the men working under him, Dr. Hojo, was infamous in the scientific community for his attempts to biologically alter humans and Faunus alike to perform better in combat situations. He had samples of living Grimm tissue courtesy of Salem, and he was using the essence in his experiments to create a perfect killer. _'Yes. I think I will watch. Goodness knows I could use some sort of delight today.'_

The Mad King walked into the torture chamber, where the mad scientist was grinning while stabbing a young wolf Faunus with various needles and injecting Grimm essence into his body. The Faunus screamed out in agony, and he coughed up a sticky black liquid, his eyes turning a strange red color.

"Hahahaha!" Hojo clapped his hands gleefully, and he turned to see the Mad King standing behind him. "Oh, Mad King. Please, I apologize for not noticing you sooner."

"Apologies are not necessary, my friend," the Mad King waved his hand. "I am merely here to be entertained by your various experiments. Please, do not let my presence disrupt you."

Hojo turned back to the subject, only to pout like a small child. "Aw, what a pity. I thought this one would survive. Such a bummer." The wolf Faunus was dead, black liquid oozing from his graying lips. His eyes were a wild red, and the doctor sighed before releasing the clamps, letting the corpse fall onto the floor. "Dammit. All of our test subjects have died after being infused with Grimm essence. I can't understand it."

"Have you considered the dosage may require another ingredient?" the Mad King queried, tilting his crown. "I believe if you added a drop of blood from the surviving subject, the weaker ones may not die."

Hojo grinned, and he rubbed his hands in excitement. "What a fantastic idea, my King. Let me bring him up."

He walked over to a control panel, pressed a big red button, and the floor opened up to let a man-sized test tube slide up. Inside was a rather attractive looking man, with long silver hair that fell down his back and cat-like green eyes. He was the only surviving subject so far, and one that would be more powerful than any huntsman.

He would be the calamity that ravaged the world, and answer only to the Mad King.

"Perfect. Let us see if this is our answer."

 _ **A/N: Hmm…long silvery hair? Genetic experiment? Cat-like eyes? I wonder who it could possibly be…**_

 _ **I hope you liked the smut :D**_


	10. Chapter 10

_**A/N: Chapter 10! You know what this means? This is only the second Drunk Arc Marriage fic to reach ten chapters. *blasts fireworks in celebration* Seriously, why do so many just give up before chapter 5? Makes no fucking sense to me…**_

 _ **Also, Ms. 'I'm a broody-badass' Farron finally joins the show.**_

 **A Drunken Marriage of Thievery**

 _Summary: Life couldn't have gotten worse for Jaune. After getting kicked out of Beacon for his fake transcripts, he just wanted to drink to forget it. Too bad he couldn't remember anything afterwards and woke up in bed with that dark-skinned beauty he met at the bar._

 ***Chapter 10***

Jaune woke up first, and he smiled at the sight he was greeted with. His wife was passed out on his chest, clutching to it like a child clings to their teddy bear. Her soft strands of hair were scattered across her face, and she murmured something about wanting pancakes and syrup in her sleep.

Jaune kissed her head, stretching out and wiggling out from under her. A stickiness consisting of a combination of both of their bodily fluids pooled on his thighs, and the blonde knight searched in his bag for a crappy towel to wipe himself down. _'So that's what it's like to really make love to someone. It was the best thing I've ever experienced.'_

He debated on whether or not to wake her; they still had to finish getting everything ready for tomorrow, and Gwen was probably tearing up the camp looking for them. But, he remembered something his father had said when it came to having a girlfriend/wife. _"Son, no matter what, do not wake up your significant other after you've scored. Nothing is more exhausting than sex; not even fighting Grimm in ya skivvies. Let her sleep, and be the gentleman who is nice enough to make sure she has a warm meal waiting for her. Because let's be real; after you wake up, you're going to be hungry as hell."_

His stomach growled, and he felt a pang of hunger hit him. The blonde sighed as he found a towel to wipe himself down and clean up; the nearest spot to get food was no doubt the mess hall in the camp. However, the Quartermaster's cooking was…questionable, to say the least.

It wasn't much of a surprise when Max spent a solid two days in the infirmary for food poisoning after sampling the Quartermaster's mashed potatoes. And Jaune didn't want to end up with a chronic stomach ache right after having sex. _'I'll just have something delivered. Better to wait a little than end up bedridden.'_

A pepperoni pizza would do nicely.

Jaune finished cleaning himself off, and he got dressed in a hurry in a fresh set of clothes. Once clothed, he put his treasured Pumpkin Pete hoodie over Emerald's sleeping form; she had expressed interest in it because she thought it was cute, and he did like the idea of his wife in that hoodie. She'd look adorable in it. _'If anyone else is going to wear it, it should be her.'_

He bumped into Max and Nikki, who were gathered by a window and looking outside at something. Whatever it was, they were too fixated on it to really pay any attention to Jaune's arrival. Max's face was practically pressed up against the glass, and his eyes were wide. "Holy shit, she's really giving it to him!"

"And look at that thing on her back! It must weigh 80 pounds!" Nikki added in excitement.

"Hey guys." Jaune was now close enough to hear an enraged female voice, and he paused. It sounded familiar to him. _'Who is that? And why does it seem so familiar?'_ "What's going on out there?"

"Dunno, man. Some random chick just stormed up to Qrow and started yelling at him," Max answered with a shrug. "Shit, and I thought Bonquisha was scary when she was angry. This one looks like she could beat someone to death with their own severed arms."

Raising an eyebrow, Jaune joined them. "Move over. Let me see this." When he looked out the window, his heart sank and he groaned out loud upon seeing the owner of the voice. "Oh no. Now I'm really in for it." _'Well…shit.'_ If anytime was proper for him to swear, it was now.

There was no mistaking that mop of pink hair, even if they had ditched their old Atlesian uniform for a set of indigo pants, sleeveless shirt, brown gauntlets and boots, and a single pauldron on her left shoulder. It was Lightning, and judging by the way she was shaking, she was really angry.

But more noticeable was the giant hunk of sharpened metal too big to be called a sword now strapped to her back; the damn thing was at least six feet long and a foot wide with two slots for Dust spheres. _'Do I even want to know where the hell she got that thing? It looks ridiculously heavy!'_

"Well…I'm dead," Jaune sighed. "And I better go stop Light from murdering Qrow." _'I don't actually think she'd cut him down, but one can never be too careful. Especially with that thing she calls a weapon on her back.'_ The most she'd probably do is punch him in the face, but he didn't feel like having to explain to the doctors why one of the most renowned huntsmen in Remnant was hospitalized with a broken jaw and needed teeth replacements.

He went outside, praying to whatever gods were there that Light would be willing to listen to reason, and walked over to the two squabbling adults. _'Well, here it goes. Hope I can stop this mess.'_

Light was furiously yelling at Qrow, one of her fists tight. "You idiot! What the hell were you thinking!? You allowed two teenagers to get married while drunk!? And let them break into a goddamn jewelry store!?" Her hand flashed upward, and before Jaune could even blink, she had decked Qrow right in the jaw.

Qrow stumbled; a lesser man probably would've been unconscious, considering how much strong the pinkette was. He rubbed his jaw with a wince, his aura healing to prevent a bruise. "Damn…I forgot how hard you hit. Man, I definitely missed the fiery side of you, Claire."

Another punch.

"Don't _ever_ call me that," Light seethed. "Otherwise I will chop off your legs and make you crawl back to Vale."

"Woah, woah, chill out Sparky." Qrow put his hands up in mock surrender. He saw Jaune approaching, and he folded his hands behind his head. "How about you let the kid explain? I know you won't attempt to beat him to death with his own skull."

"That's not even physically possible," Light growled, turning her back on the huntsman to face Jaune. Her blue eyes were filled with annoyance, and she folded her arms across her chest. "Well? Do you care to explain to me why you decided to go out drinking when you're not even eighteen yet?"

"I don't know," Jaune sheepishly admitted, scratching the back of his head. "I was just depressed about getting kicked out of Beacon, and at the time was the only thing I could think of. I didn't mean to get ridiculously drunk; I only wanted to take my mind off of a few things."

Lightning's eyes softened, and she gave the blonde a hug before gently bonking him on the head with her fist. "You idiot. You better at least introduce me to the missus, now that I'm here. You owe me big time."

"Yeah, I know," Jaune chuckled nervously. "Let me be the one to tell my parents, okay?"

"Deal."

"Thanks Light."

The pinkette gave his hair a ruffle, a small smile on her lips. "No matter how old you get, you're still that same goofy little kid who thought he could beat up Grimm in his underwear to me. You've grown quite a bit."

"Don't bring that up…" Jaune's face heated up in embarrassment at the memory of Light dragging him back home, and he instead focused on the giant heap of molted metal molded into the shape of a sword now on her back. "Where the hell did you even get something that big?"

"Oh, this? Found it while on a mission in Vacuo," Light replied, hefting the behemoth blade in one hand like it was a damn flyswatter and spinning it. "Definitely an upgrade over the Blazefire Saber; this thing can slice through a Goliath no problem. Add both Lightning and Fire Dust to this, and it becomes ridiculous. Whoever made this thing must have had a lot of time on their hands; it weighs eighty pounds, for Oum's sake."

"Surely it's not that heavy, right?" Jaune asked skeptically. _'No way. That thing can't be weigh that much. that's just ridiculous.'_

Lightning raised an eyebrow, and she held out the handle to him. "Go ahead and try. Let us see how well it works out for you."

Jaune gripped the handle, and once Lightning let go, the giant blade sank into the ground with a thud. "Okay, I take it back!" He struggled to carry it with two hands, and eventually he rested it on his shoulder, panting hard. "Dear Oum. How do you use something this impractical one-handed!?"

"You do remember that I was a soldier, right?" Light pointed out dryly, taking it back from him and spinning it into its holster. "I have ten years of training over you. Once you start working out a little more, you'll be able to handle these kinds of weapons no problem."

Jaune's muscles groaned at the thought of going through the torture Light called training. "I think I'm just going to stick to Crocea Mors for now." His own shield and sword were more than enough for the time being; he knew perfectly well he'd be training until he was in his late twenties before he could even think of carrying something as big as that thing. There was difference between a sword and that giant blade.

"Good call. I don't need this one yelling at me for letting you break your damn back," Qrow interjected dryly. He took a few gulps from his flask, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "Where's Emerald at?"

"She's asleep," Jaune answered, his face heating up as he recalled his very recent sexual experience. "She…wore herself out. If you get my meaning." _'Please don't make me spell it out, please don't make me spell it out…'_ He really didn't want to mention him having sex in front of Light; she'd never let him hear the end of it and probably bring up more embarrassing stories. Like the one time he accidentally saw her naked when he was a kid.

Qrow was puzzled for a moment, but then understanding filled his hazy red orbs. "Ah…I see. Well, I don't see the need to wake her up then. Let her rest up. I don't know about you, but I could definitely use a bite to eat. What do you say to me ordering a few pizzas to save us all from food poisoning?"

' _Thank Oum he knew what I meant.'_ "Sounds good to me," Jaune agreed. "You need a hand with payment?" He reached for his wallet, only for the drunken huntsman to shake his head.

"Nah, don't worry about it." He waved his hand nonchalantly. "Besides, Sparky here would berate me for making you spend money willy-nilly."

Light glowered at him for the nickname, and she raised a hand as if to slap him. "Don't make me regret not hitting you from here to Vacuo and back."

Qrow merely chuckled, and he bumped his hand into her shoulder. "Heh. It's good to see you again, Farron. It certainly has been too long." Over Light's shoulder, Qrow mouthed over to Jaune with a smirk. 'Good job getting laid, kid. Now you know what it's like.'

'Thanks for not telling her,' Jaune mouthed back.

He walked back inside, feeling a little lighter now that the encounter was over and everything was mostly calm.

At least he didn't go and commit the crime of waking up his wife after sex.

 _ **A/N: If you didn't figure it out, Light is using the giant hunk of metal known as the Buster Sword and wears the SOLDIER First Class outfit. You can get both of those as DLC in Lightning Returns: Final Fantasy XIII, and goddamn does she look fine in it…**_

 _ **Ahem.**_

 _ **I'll try and get another chapter done before the month is over, but if I can't, I'll see you again in early May!**_

 _ **Peace out!**_


	11. Chapter 11

_**A/N: Chapter 11! In this one, we'll see some awesome shit for the Mad King's genetic experiment ;D , and we'll see the beginnings of a plan begin to take place.**_

 _ **I know you've probably been wondering, why the fuck does the Mad King speak like a pompous asshole? Well, figure that he does seem himself as royalty, and I want his speech to reflect that. So as a result, he speaks more eloquently than others.**_

 _ **Oh, and I highly recommend you listen to One Winged Angel (Advent Children version) while I kill off one of RWBY's most hated characters XD and it won't be pleasant, either. It'll be pretty graphic.**_

 **A Drunken Marriage of Thievery**

 _Summary: Life couldn't have gotten worse for Jaune. After getting kicked out of Beacon for his fake transcripts, he just wanted to drink to forget it. Too bad he couldn't remember anything afterwards and woke up in bed with that dark-skinned beauty he met at the bar._

 ***Chapter 11***

The Mad King smirked as he sat in his dark throne, a pair of servants having carried it to the fighting arena he had built in the city of Vacuo. To the general populace of the kingdom, he was nothing more than a philanthropist and powerful business owner; a man who truly gave for the wealth of the kingdom. Even the headmaster of Shade Academy believed it; the Mad King practically had the entire kingdom wrapped around his cruel fingers, and no one dared to believe what he really was. _'Such pathetic little insects. They will soon burn like the despicable parasites they are. And I will use the new tool to bring their mortal peril.'_

Hojo's experiment, now code-named 'Angel of Despair', was ready to begin its first real test for combat. Wanting to enjoy a good fight, the Mad King decided the test should take place in the gladiatorial arena he constructed for the sole purpose of duels to the death; it would be nothing short of a disgrace if he wasn't allowed to spectate on the wondrous festival of slaughter from his throne.

"My King," his favorite fox Faunus knelt down before him, happily growling as her ears were stroked by his callous-free hands. "The fight is ready to begin. Is there anything else you wish for before it begins?"

"No, my little sweet," the Mad King delicately ran a thumb over the velvety soft ears. "All I desire for at the moment is the pleasant company of yourself while we observe this wondrous spectacle together. After all, they say these things are far more thrilling to watch with the company of another as to being alone."

"As you wish, my King." She was going to kneel on the ground, and the Mad King shook his head; it would be disrespectful to allow such a fine specimen of the fairer sex act like one of the whores that used to occupy his chambers in the days before his imprisonment. No, he always made sure those who served him faithfully were richly rewarded.

"Please, do not kneel on the ground like a wench scooped off the street," he gently reprimanded. "I ask that you take a proper seat, as befitting of a woman such as yourself." He snapped his fingers, and another pair of his faithful servants brought over a comfortable chair for her, bowing before exiting.

"T-thank you, my King," she stammered, sitting down next to him. "I'm honored that you think so highly of a lowly Faunus as myself."

"Oh, my little sweet Alicia," the Mad King crooned, petting her head and letting her rest it in his lap. "You have permission to call me by my name. When it's just the two of us, of course. After all, we can't let every juicy little secret escape to the mindless drones of the masses, can we?" _'No one has caught onto our little affair. Who would ever suspect that the one I decide to share my throne with would be one of my own servants?'_

"As you wish, Ryan." She hesitated, as if the simple word was foreign to her; no one apart from Salem had ever been able to address him by his given name, not even Cinder or Hojo. She repositioned her head in his lap, her soft hands feeling the silky fabric of his kilt. "May I be so bold as to ask where in Remnant you find such finely stitched clothing as this? The seams are flawless and tailored to perfection."

"I'm afraid one cannot simply buy clothing like this," the Mad King answered with a smile. "Everything you see me adorn is handmade, by a master of the thread and needle out in the great deserts of Vacuo. I would have had him perform his duties in my service, but sadly, his talent would have been wasted by the petty squabbles of my own men wanting to dress themselves in attire far beyond their standing." _'I almost feel sorry wasting their repugnant lives. But, the next piece of carnage beckons for my attention.'_

He watched as a former member of the White Fang organization was thrown into the gladiatorial ring, and he smirked. "Ah, and here is the main course. A delicious piece of their benevolent resistance. Wouldn't you say?"

Alicia's amber eyes were livid upon seeing her own species, and she looked like she wanted to spit at the Faunus below. "Pitiful. He's a disgrace to our kind. He has no right to call himself a Faunus for the way he's treated his own kind. What's his name?"

The Mad King was practically dancing inside; he got to see a whole new side of his little mistress that no one else ever got to see, and it was beautiful. There truly was something attractive about seeing the way her ears flattened against the side of her head and watching her eyes blaze with anger. "I believe his name is Adam Taurus. Former White Fang commander, since gone rogue after attempting to mount a coup on High Leader Sienna Kahn. His punishment for his betrayal is a long and agonizing death at the hand of Hojo's new pet."

Adam Taurus was tall, perhaps about the same height as the Mad King, and he wore a coat now riddled with tears. His red eyes were glossy, possibly from his torture at the hands of Hojo, and he fumbled with his weapons as the scientist's creation took his first steps onto the battlefield.

He was dressed in a black coat with silver pauldrons, black trousers, and black boots. In his left hand was a seven-foot long katana, and his facial features were graced with what could only be described as calm sadism.

" _We are awaiting your approval,_ my King," Hojo's voice crackled over the arena's loudspeaker.

"You may proceed," the Mad King smirked, folding his hands in his lap.

It was certainly going to be a bloody spectacle.

-0-

Adam could only stare at his opponent, his limbs sluggish from that twisted scientist injecting him with various drugs. "Who the hell are you!?"

The silver-haired man blinked his cat-like eyes, his sword tight in his hands. "I…am your despair." He lunged forward with surprising speed, and Adam barely had enough time to block the strike aimed for his throat. Whoever this man was, he was going for the kill.

Adam countered, sending a series of slashes towards his adversary. The silver-haired swordsman blocked each strike almost effortlessly, a small smile creeping up on his face. The way he moved so gracefully was astonishing. Almost as if he weren't a human.

Like he was created, rather than birthed.

Adam wiped his eyes, trying to shake off the sluggishness, and he raised his rifle to fire at him. "Die, damn you!"

The man parried the bullets easily, sighing in disappointment as he closed the distance between them. His sword again flashed towards Adam's body, and the bull Faunus barely reacted in time, blocking it with his own red blade. Sparks flew from the metal colliding, and the man's twisted smirk only grew. "Oh, now you're finally showing me a fight?"

He slid his sword down, catching the handle and sending it flying out of Adam's grasp. The Faunus could only watch in horror as he was disarmed so easily, and the silver-haired swordsman slashed at him with blinding speed, breaking through his aura and sending him crashing into the arena walls.

Adam fell on all fours, blood dripping from his wounds, and he yelled out in agony as the man's long katana stabbed him in the shoulder. "AHHHHH!"

He gripped the blade, trying to yank it out, and the man lifted him into the air with his sword. As the Faunus struggled to free himself, the man's cat-like eyes seemed to glow. "Is this the pain you felt when she abandoned you?"

Adam's eyes widened. How the hell did he know about Blake!? He never told anyone how bad it hurt, and he sure as hell didn't remember telling the swordsman about it.

This person must have been able to read his very mind and see his darkest secrets. He wasn't human at all.

A single black wing grew from his right shoulder like he was an angel of death, and he grinned. "Let me remind you of what pain truly is." With a powerful downward motion, he threw Adam to the ground. The bull Faunus landed hard, and before he could recover, he screamed out in pain again as his legs were sliced off.

He clutched the bloody stumps with a whimper, blood coating his hands, and he crawled towards his rifle. The silver-haired man watched with a cruel smile; he was toying with him, and relished in watching him suffer.

Adam gripped his rifle, aimed it at the swordsman and fired. The bullet was again blocked, and this time, an arm went flying with his rifle. The bastard had cut off his arm, and it was over. Adam's pained screams were cut abruptly short by the man swinging his sword down through his skull to his chest. The body convulsed, and the man let out an unimpressed scoff before slicing his dead enemy in half vertically. Blood and guts showered his coat, and he shook the blood off of his sword before turning away.

"You were weak."

-0-

Qrow rubbed his eyes, yawning and shaking his flask to make sure he still had alcohol in it. No sound resonated from it, and he groaned in annoyance; he hated running out of his favorite whiskey. Especially when he had just finished his work for the day and wanted nothing more than a drink.

Using a combination of both his standing and lien, he was able to get the criminal mischief charges against Jaune and Emerald dropped. The kids didn't need to worry about being wanted before they made their move to take down Cinder.

He stretched, his back letting out a satisfying pop, and he heard an amused laugh behind him. "Shouldn't you be laying down with those noises your back is making, old man?"

He turned, and he saw Lightning leaning against his tent nonchalantly. "And shouldn't you be on the cover of 'Most Emo Huntresses', Pinky?" _'It's been too long. The last time we were alone together, it was a night we both enjoyed and regretted.'_

Lightning scoffed, blowing a strand of her pink hair out of her face. "Nice to see you haven't lost that witty tongue of yours."

"Hey, you got to experience the tongue first hand," Qrow chuckled, ducking as Light picked up the nearest object (in this case a case of Dust ammunition) and threw it at him. "What? You definitely enjoyed it."

Light sighed, walking over to him and placing her Buster Sword down next to Qrow's weapon. "I did, and I hated that you left. Why did you do it? Why did you leave Atlas to go back to Vale? Why did you leave…me?"

Qrow looked away guiltily, unable to meet those blue eyes. "You know why. If we stayed together, you would've suffered the same fate as Summer. I already lost one person I cared about thanks to my semblance. I wasn't going to lose another."

"So you decided to run away?" Light hissed. "Dammit Qrow, at that time, I needed you more than anyone. Do you have any idea what the hell that did to me?"

"I know I'd risk hurting you, if I left," Qrow replied slowly. "And it wasn't something I wanted to do. I wanted to stay. Settle down, even. Maybe have a second chance at having a family instead of being terrified of my semblance bringing harm to my child and running. But…I was scared. Losing you would hurt more than any physical pain. I'm sorry."

Light nestled her head into his lap, sighing. "Well…I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have been such an ass to you earlier."

"Apology accepted, Pinky," Qrow chuckled, wincing as the pinkette elbowed him playfully in the gut. "So, what's the plan here? We both know we can't storm in guns blazing without some kind of idea."

"I know. And as much as he's improved, Jaune's still not ready," Light admitted. "As for his wife, well, color me impressed. She has the poise of a huntress, and can even wield my old Blazefire Saber skillfully. I like what I see."

"Whoa, you're offering praise? I didn't know there was an eclipse today."

"But, I'm not so sure she's fully prepared, either," Light continued dryly. "Fighting people is different from fighting Grimm. And we both know that better than anyone, given our experience."

Qrow smirked, running his calloused hands through her soft locks. "So, it looks like it's up to us to whip them into shape?"

"You're damn right. We'll mold them into proper huntsmen to be reckoned with by the time we're done."

Things were definitely getting more interesting now. And Qrow liked it. But for now, it was time he and Light indulged in themselves. "Want me to help you out of that, Claire?"

Light gave him a look through blue slits, and she gave a low growl before shoving him onto his back, mounting him. "Oh shut up and love me dammit."

At least the beds were soft.

 _ **A/N: Okay, the reason I didn't include smut of these two is because I honestly wasn't sure if it would go well. I don't want the relationship of LightxQrow to shove the main pairing to the side, so we'll only see implied sex. If you want, I'll make a crossover fic for them.**_

 _ **The only reason I didn't call Adam's killer by name (even though it's totally who you think it is XD) is because I want to keep him nameless until the Mad King christens him with a name. It's just another way for him to show how he always has to be in control. Also, what did you think of Adam's death? Brutal enough for a dick like him? Or should I have drawn it out longer?**_

 _ **Discord: DPLxBeAsTxSnIpE #5371**_


	12. Chapter 12

_**A/N: Chapter 12. I know I said I would be on hiatus for awhile, and two-three weeks isn't much of a break. But, I'm taking this week-by-week, and the past few weeks have shown an overall improvement in my mood and health. I've discovered several new passions and went back to my roots a little by playing games that always made me smile, skateboarding, and getting reacquainted with making music. Even stopping drinking as much as I used to. Thank you to all those who provided messages of support; I read them whenever I had a chance.**_

 _ **Starting now, we will start to see some Final Fantasy moves (Meteorain, Army of One, Omnislash, Super Nova).**_

 **A Drunken Marriage of Thievery**

 _Summary: Life couldn't have gotten worse for Jaune. After getting kicked out of Beacon for his fake transcripts, he just wanted to drink to forget it. Too bad he couldn't remember anything afterwards and woke up in bed with that dark-skinned beauty he met at the bar._

 ***Chapter 12***

Jaune really wished he didn't go outside for two reasons.

One: Qrow and Light were both looking disheveled in the way one does after a frenzied round of sex, and the thought of those two going at it throughout the previous night was not particularly pleasant.

Two: both huntsmen were preparing something outside, and looking at the cargo nets suspended under muddy water, he could tell it was not going to be a fun day. _'What the hell is going on? Why would they need to create what looks to be the world's worst obstacle course? And why do they look like they had sex?'_ "Uh, guys? What the hell are you doing?"

"About time you got out of bed," Qrow muttered, taking a swig of his whiskey from his ever-present flask; Jaune was starting to wonder if he used some kind of magic to make it bottomless. The huntsman wiped a few spare drops from his chin with the back of his hand, and he slicked his bangs back. "We're going to start getting you and Emerald into fighting shape."

"…we're kinda already in fighting shape?" Jaune tried. _'Ah crap. This is going to suck, I bet. Man, these two are going to tear me and Em apart.'_

"Really now? Would you feel confident infiltrating and taking down one of the most powerful crime bosses in all of Remnant?" Qrow asked dryly. Silence answered him, and he continued on. "Because that's what we're doing. We're taking Cinder Fall down before she has time to make a move on you two. But, Light and I agree on one thing; neither of you are ready yet. You haven't unlocked your damn semblance yet, and Emerald needs to work on getting familiar with that Blazefire Saber. So, starting today, we're going to be training."

"...is it too late to pretend I didn't hear this and go back to sleep?"

"You know it, kid."

"Dammit," Jaune sighed. He reached for Crocea Mors, extending his shield. "So, we're doing sparring, endurance training, and something else I imagine?"

"You know it. Think of it as Beacon 2.0," Qrow answered. "Light's military training plus my own unique style of teaching. Can't go wrong with two proper huntsmen as your teachers who don't ramble on like Port and zoom around from coffee addiction like Oobleck."

"No, you just tell us crappy glory stories from your distant youth," Jaune muttered. "I imagine someone old like you has a hard time getting it up." _'Oh Oum why? Why do I do this to myself? I say I don't want to think about him getting any action, and then I go and say something like that not even two minutes later. Real smooth.'_

Light blushed, and she looked away with a murmur too low for Jaune to catch while also shooting Qrow a look that had, 'Stop talking,' all over it. It was unusual for Jaune to see her this embarrassed, and it was a look that really didn't suit her. Especially considering the blonde had seen the young woman slaughter Beowolves and Ursa alike without a blink. _'You've got to be kidding me. Qrow and Light really did have sex. Goddammit.'_

"…you actually did have sex, didn't you?" he sighed after a few silent moments. "I'm not sure whether to just roll over and go back to sleep or run inside and get my brain bleach. Hell, or even go back in time to shut myself up." _'I really need to learn how to keep my mouth shut sometimes. One day it's going to bite me in the ass.'_

"Sorry, but time travel doesn't exist, and you know damn well we're not letting you go back to sleep," Light answered dryly. "Go inside and grab a cup of coffee if you need it to wake up. But if I find your ass trying to go back to sleep, then you'll really get it."

Jaune knew her well enough to know that the pinkette wasn't bluffing, and the last thing he wanted to do was annoy her. That was what Qrow was for. "Okay. I'll get Em up too." _'I could use a coffee. I didn't really drink it back home or at Beacon. Man, I certainly was a naïve kid not too long ago. Now, I'm a married man and…wait a minute. When Em and I had sex, I didn't pull out of her. Does that mean I could be a dad, too?'_

He laughed at the idea of him being a dad already as he headed towards the counselor's lounge to get some coffee; David was insistent that youngsters didn't need to drink it and tried to keep them as far away from it as possible. _'Hah. You're really starting to take after Dad, aren't you? Can hold his liquor, got married at a young age, and going to be a dad nine months afterwards. Like father, like son.'_

Jaune missed his family. They were frantic with worry when he told them he was going to Beacon in an attempt to become a hero, saying it was dangerous and he wasn't ready. In a way, he supposed they were right; the only real combat training Jaune had prior to attempting to attend the prestigious academy was a little bit of sparring practice he had with his eldest sister Jade before she retired from the adventurous lifestyle. _'I suppose you all were right. I wasn't ready to attempt to join Beacon, and yet I went ahead anyway. I really was an idiot about it, huh?'_

He pulled out his scroll, going through his contacts until he reached the one marked 'Home'. The blonde hesitated, his finger hovering only mere centimeters above the screen. _'They deserve to know. They'll always care about you and want the best for you, even if you sometimes argue.'_

Truthfully, he was afraid of what his parents would say. He knew they wouldn't cause him any harm, but he didn't think for a second that informing them of his marriage would go down without causing some sort of drama. To expect that was foolish. _'Come on, Jaune. You've done harder things than this. You told the girl of your dreams how much you love her and fought mindless monsters. You can tell the truth to your parents.'_

But first, he needed a coffee; his eyelids still felt a little droopy, and he let out another yawn. The phone call home could wait a few moments until he was actually awake and didn't slur his words like a drunken idiot.

Jaune walked into the lounge and spotted the coffee pot, his nostrils being bombarded by the delicious scent of a full pot of hazelnut roast. He stopped for a moment to breathe in the heavenly air, a content smile on his face. "Ahhh…that smell is amazing." _'And now I'm catching a whiff of cherry blossoms. Wait a minute…cherry blossoms? Indoors?'_

A pair of hands covered his eyes and he tensed up as a pair of lips planted on the back of his neck, a teasing voice whispering huskily in his ear. "Aww, I see someone appreciates the smell of my new perfume." Emerald.

"Good morning, gorgeous," Jaune whispered back, turning around to share a kiss with her. His hands rested in the small of her back, and their kiss was a little more passionate than normal. Her hands clutched his hoodie, nails gently scratching his back through the soft cloth, and the blonde tightened his grip on her a little.

She let out a soft moan against his lips, a simple noise that produced an excited tingling in a specific part of Jaune's anatomy. _'What the…oh, right. Thanks, body.'_ He could feel the front of his pants become uncomfortable and he tried to push the tent in his pants down a little.

"Is that your sword, or are you just happy to see me?" Emerald whispered teasingly. Her hands dropped from his shoulders to the front of his pants, kneading that area to further tease him.

Jaune groaned out, and he gave her a pleading look. "Em, as much as I would love to continue on with this, our new Drunkle and Light want to talk to us immediately. I was going in to wake you and get some coffee."

"Aww," Emerald pouted mockingly. "Well, what do they want?"

"Training," Jaune answered glumly, pouring a large cup of steaming coffee into a styrofoam cup. "He and Light want to get us both in tip-top shape before we make a move to take down Cinder Fall." _'I hope I can unlock my semblance. I can't believe I still don't know what the heck it is. What was I thinking, attending Beacon? I know I wanted to be a hero. But it was a foolish idea. I didn't even have my aura unlocked until…_ her _.'_

He knew it was stupid to cling onto past grudges. But at the moment, it still hurt too much to utter her name. _'No. I won't allow myself to be controlled by anger when I face her. I'll confront her in a mature way, if we meet again.'_

Jaune then felt a pair of warm arms around his waist, and he smiled. _'It really is impossible being broody whenever Em's around. Just her mere presence makes me feel happier. Wow, doesn't that sound sappy. It's like something one would find in a crappy romance novel.'_ "How do you take your coffee?"

"Milk and two sugars, hun."

"Coming right up."

Jaune himself preferred his own coffee a little sweeter than most, yet he compensated by adding less milk. He handed Emerald's over first, who watched him make both cups with a coy smile. "You know, I just learned something else about you, Jaune."

"And what's that?"

"You like your coffee the same way you like your women. Sweet and dark."

"And I thought I was the cheesy one?" Jaune teased, giving her head a quick peck. _'Well…she's got a point.'_ He took a sip, wincing as he scalded his tongue from the hot yet delicious liquid. "Ow…"

He pressed a finger to his tongue, and it was immediately bombarded by Emerald gently sucking it with an utterly adorable expression on her face. She pulled away, giving it another lick. "Feel better~?"

"You know it." Jaune straightened out his jeans to hide his little 'problem'. Well…more like big problem.

The two headed outside, and Qrow spun his weapon into its scythe form. "Alright, you're both here. I'm sure Blondie already told you, but I'll say it again anyway. We're training you two before we make a move to take down Cinder Fall. We know that she hasn't sent after you two yet, and I have reason to believe it's to lure us into a false sense of security to catch us off-guard. One thing I'm not is a fool; we're making our move before her. But I know damn well that neither of you two are as heavily trained as me and Pinky. So, we're toughening you up. Any questions?"

"No," Jaune and Emerald answered in unison.

"Good. Sparky, if you want to do the honors," Qrow motioned.

Light rolled her eyes at the nickname, and she reached into her pockets to pull out two tubes of concentrated Dust, one black and one red. Jaune recognized the red as Fire, but he had no idea what the other was called. "Um, what kind of Dust is that? I've never seen it before." _'Black Dust? What kind is that? Cosmic? Shadow?'_

"Not surprised you've never seen this one before," Lightning replied, tossing it to him. "It's a newly discovered type of Dust called Meteor. Very rare, from what I understand; only a few small bits of it have been found so far."

"…do I want to know how the hell you got your hands on it?" Jaune sighed, looking at it apprehensively. "What does it even do?"

"To answer your first question, I was given it by General Ironwood to test it out and make sure it's actually usable," the pinkette answered. "As for the second, well…it's hard to explain. You know how summons work, right?"

"Yeah. The Schnee family has been known to do it for generations."

"Right. But this is a little bit different. With the right technique, it summons six meteors to rain down on an enemy, called Meteorain," Lightning explained. "Fuse both that and the Fire Dust to your sword. Class is in session."

Jaune did as he was told, his sword glowing, and Lightning frowned. "Hmmm…I think we'll need to rework Crocea Mors a little. Give it to me; I'll make the necessary modifications."

"Okay…" Jaune handed over his weapon, and Lightning marched back to Qrow's tent with it in hand.

She called back over her shoulder. "This'll be done by tomorrow. After I make the upgrades, you'll be able to use a very powerful attack. One that should be able to guarantee a victory."

"Yeah. Unless the person you're fighting is like an angel of death and can summon an exploding sun to kill you," Qrow muttered dryly.

"I heard that."

"Good. I wanted you to."

-0-

Hojo's experiment was going well. The man possessed incredible strength and inhuman speed, as he demonstrated in his brutal murder of Adam Taurus. However, the fact that he was capable of such sadistic acts like making his badly wounded enemy crawl towards his weapon did nothing but raise a serious question; how intelligent was he?

He managed to see into Adam's very mind with his power, but did he know what he was capable of?

Did he know he was capable of using perhaps the most devastating attack in history?

Well, the Mad King was soon going to find out.

Hojo had another successful experiment, this time managing to use the first specimen's cells to help fuse a human with a Nevermore. The transformation went smoothly, and the subject managed to grow black wings, long talons, and a skull-like mask over his face.

Now, the silver-haired man stood ready with his katana in hand, a dark smile on his face as he prepared for the onslaught of the freak's attacks, and the Mad King practically quivered with excitement as the fight began.

The Nevermore hybrid unleashed a volley of piercing feathers at him, and the silver-haired swordsman merely smirked and used one of his many spells to deflect them, Barrier. A magical shield blocked the attacks, and he launched himself at the hybrid after the attacks were nullified. His sword was a blur of motion, slashing left and right and colliding with his opponent's talons.

"Oh, where did you find this strength?" the man taunted with a smile. The Grimm hybrid screeched out, unable to answer now, and the two continued to exchange blows, neither willing to give up. Both were just blurs, the sounds of metal meeting talons reaching the Mad King's ears even from his seat.

The man's katana sliced off one of the talons, but he was beginning to bleed from a rather deep wound in his chest after his Aura finally gave out from the merciless barrage of claw swipes. Both were exhausted, falling to one knee, and the silver-haired swordsman got up first, ignoring the wound. "I suppose it can't be helped."

His black wing appeared, and while his opponent was trying to recover he used one of his spells to create illusions to distract it while he restored his aura and healed himself.

The Nevermore hybrid was suddenly surrounded by several copies of his opponent, and he screeched before he flew up and used another feather barrage. Several piercing feathers met their target, and the copy disappeared.

The creature looked around, screeched again, and slashed with his talons to tear another copy to shreds. His wings sliced another in half, and the copies vanished with the sound of a ringing bell. He landed on the ground, panting heavily from the sudden flurry of attacks he just unleashed.

The silver-haired swordsman reappeared behind the Grimm hybrid, chuckling sadistically. "Hehehe…behold the truth." The reality around him shattered like a plane of glass, and he smirked as a giant ball of fire appeared behind him. "Super Nova. You were able to make me bleed in our reality. So, I cast an illusion to disguise this. Witness oblivion."

The Grimm hybrid screamed in pain as it was burned alive by what appeared to be an exploding star, and with one great flash, it was over.

The star was gone, with the space not even remotely damaged by the devastating attack. The Nevermore hybrid was nothing more than a pile of ash, and the swordsman turned on his heel and slowly walked away, wing flapping gently behind him.

"Impressive," the Mad King smirked, folding his hands across his chest. "It appears he has the ability to draw an enemy into his own little dimension and attack with a summon. His power is indeed unmatched." _'There's no one alive who can hope to oppose me now, with this beautiful specimen of magical strength at my disposal.'_

Hojo stood next to him, grinning. "It was a shame I had to waste a valuable specimen such as the Nevermore, but I can easily recreate it now that I know what to do. Have you thought about giving him a name yet, My King?"

"I have," the Mad King replied silkily. After witnessing the angel of death kill an even more challenging opponent, there was truly only one name that could be given to such a powerful man.

"He will be feared as the calamity that ravages Remnant, and his name is Sephiroth, the one-winged angel of despair."

Everything was going exactly as he planned. All he needed to do now was end Cinder's pathetic little life as revenge for her actions against him in the past.

 _ **A/N: *plays One Winged Angel* So, who honestly can't wait to Jaune learn how to use Meteorain in battle? Or for Emerald to use Army of One? If you don't know either attack, I'm sure there are plenty of YouTube videos of them.**_

 _ **If you haven't already, please vote for the poll question on my bio.**_

 _ **Discord: DPLxBeAsTxSnIpE #5371**_


	13. Chapter 13

_**A/N: Chapter 13! This is getting to the fun parts now, and I'll be adding some more sexy times :) I think you'll enjoy it~**_

 _ **Brief lyrics from Richie Branson's 'Keeper of the Flame'**_

 **A Drunken Marriage of Thievery**

 _Summary: Life couldn't have gotten worse for Jaune. After getting kicked out of Beacon for his fake transcripts, he just wanted to drink to forget it. Too bad he couldn't remember anything afterwards and woke up in bed with that dark-skinned beauty he met at the bar._

 ***Chapter 13***

If Jaune thought the first day of training with Qrow and Light sucked, he was really going to hate today. _'Oh no. Do I even want to know why Qrow's standing in the middle of what appears to be a sparring ring?'_

' _Come on, Arc. Why do you think he's in it? You're probably going to be having a good old fashioned duel. Remember to not die.'_

' _I hate this.'_

' _Join the club.'_

Yesterday, the old birdman had put both Jaune and Emerald through the ringer, making them work out for a good portion of the day while Lightning worked on Crocea Mors. The sounds of metal being hammered went on through the night, only pausing to be replaced by lustful grunts and moans for about thirty minutes before being replaced by the pounding of metal.

"Well, well, well," Qrow chuckled, spinning Harbinger in one hand effortlessly; the weapon was in its sword form, and he took a gulp of whiskey. "It's about time you got out of bed, Lazy; I was wondering if you had forgotten that we were training today."

"How can I forget?" Jaune returned. "I haven't been this sore I woke up naked with Emerald that first night of our union." _'Though that was a good time. Not only did I meet the love of my life, I also scored.'_

"Damn, you must have had some kinky sex. Wake up tied up like a helpless little lamb at the rodeo, unsure whether to orgasm or scream for the police?"

"…that was oddly specific. Do you want to talk about it? Or is a night you forget because you were the bottom?"

"Alright, let's run some sprints." Qrow ignored Jaune's remark and rested his weapon on his shoulder. "I want six laps around the main campgrounds, and when you get back, one hundred squats. Get you some serious core body strength for when you start using your new toy."

"Funny. I don't recall going out to one of your horrible sex shops or stealing your credit card," Jaune continued to poke with a smirk of his own. _'Notice he didn't say no. And to think he'd be one into BDSM.'_ "Or are you finally letting me drive the car this weekend, Dad?"

"Keep it up, and you'll wish I was Miles Arc," Qrow returned dryly. "Now, get going."

Jaune nodded, pulling out a set of headphones and plugging them into his scroll. "You got it. Dirty old man." He rolled up the sleeves of his hoodie, selected one of his music playlists, and set off.

There was something soothing about being a good run, even with the sweat he'd inevitably work up. The rhythm of his feet hitting the ground in sync with every heartbeat and the beat of his music. Soon after he set off, he found himself really enjoying the tunes, even if it was a little sadder than he normally liked. "Somebody gotta keep the fire burnin'. Uploaded while these haters stuck in prior versions…"

Most of his music collection didn't exactly fit the current song's overall mood. This one was a little sadder than most songs he listened to, and the second verse really seemed to hit home when he thought about the death of his family pet, a small pitbull named Star who succumbed to cancer and hadn't lived to see her eight birthday. "That's for every life that was taken the wrong way, we're just trying to get by but we pray for you all day."

He really missed that dog. Every day he'd come home from school, she would come bounding up to meet him with her tongue out and tail wagging, happy to see him. And she was the ultimate mush dog. Whether one was sick, depressed, or just overall having a bad day, she'd jump up next to them and snuggle, making them instantly feel better. It hurt when she had passed, but Jaune took comfort in knowing that she was in a better place now, free of suffering and pain. _'I miss you, Star. But I know you're no longer in pain.'_

Jaune reached for his scroll once the song was done, and he passed by Qrow once. _'One lap done. After this, I'm going to need a shower.'_

He lost track of time rather quickly as he ran. He was only aware of the sweat trickling down his face and back, the burning sensation in his legs, the sun beating down on him constantly, and the thumping of his heart.

He only knew when to stop when he heard Qrow's whistle pierce through his headphones, and he blinked the salty beads of sweat out of his eyes. "Sorry. Lost track of time."

"I'll say," Qrow snorted, looking incredibly bored. "You've been running for nearly an hour now. Gotta say, I'm impressed with your endurance. I know my nieces couldn't run at that pace for that long."

"Really? Even Yang?"

"Especially her. She's good for a hundred meters, and then she burns out. Ruby is good for the longer distances, but her average speed is nowhere near as consistent."

"Wow. One thing I beat them at," Jaune snorted, bringing out a bark of laughter from the older man. _'How many times did Yang punch me out of the ring during Goodwitch's class? I know it's in the double digits.'_

"Hey, I'm sure you can beat them in fighting by the time Light and I are done with you," he grinned. "That is, if you survive."

"You have a way with words that immediately make me want to kill myself sometimes," Jaune muttered, rolling his eyes. "So, time to, as you put it, 'get some ass power'?" _'Why he insists on saying this is important, I'll never know. What kind of girl cares about the rear end of her male?'_

"That's right," Qrow confirmed, folding up his sword and placing it down. "Trust me, girls like a man with some serious rear action. And don't do the stuff idiots at the gym like to do; put on four hundred pounds and move three inches. Nice try, Clark Griswald, but that isn't impressive. If you want that butt power, you gotta get in there deep."

"Bow chicka bow wow."

"…shut up, kid."

"Oh come on," Jaune smirked. "You had to see that one coming. You set yourself up for it." _'Poor old man. He really doesn't get that now I've got one perverted mind thanks to Emerald.'_

"I'm not kidding; get to it," Qrow growled. "Or I _will_ use you make you test out a bulletproof cup in front of everyone."

"And I'm the overemotional one?"

"When you've seen the amount of death I have, kid, then you can talk. Until then, get squatting," the older huntsman ordered.

Jaune shrugged and did as he was told, counting off mentally as he did so with Qrow counting out loud. "1, 2, 3, 4…"

Jaune's stomach growled. He wondered what he was going to eat for dinner, with the sun's harsh rays finally starting to ease up a bit now that it was in the late afternoon.

"23, 24, 25, 26…"

He needed to give his family a call. It wasn't right, hiding his marriage from them as long as he did. They'd be upset, for sure. But that wasn't an excuse to hide behind.

"66, 67, 68, 69—"

"Hehe," Jaune smirked like a child at the number, and he was sure he heard an annoyed groan from inside the log cabin courtesy of Max.

"Jaune, stop laughing like an idiot at 69," Qrow sighed, rubbing his temples and frowning when he reached for his flask and found it empty. "It's just a damn number. 74, 75, 76, 77..."

"And a fun position to be in, from what I hear." Damn, Jaune's legs were really sore now; he was going to need one heck of a hot shower to cool himself down and relieve some of the stress built up in the muscles. _'Don't concentrate on the soreness. Pain is weakness leaving the body. Focus on completing this set.'_

"97, 98, 99, 100." Qrow finished counting, and Jaune slumped onto the ground, panting heavily and letting the sweat drip off of him like a heavy rain. He would've loved the rain, if only to cool him down. His cheeks huffed with every labored breath, and he sat up, feeling the throbbing of his muscles. _'And it's only going to get harder from here on. Don't bother complaining about it, Jaune. Just suck it up and deal with it.'_

"Not too shabby, kiddo," Qrow helped him to his feet, ruffling his messy mop of hair and offering him his flask. "Here, have a drink. Just don't tell your uncle or Light and keep it our secret, eh?"

"Aren't you gonna buy me dinner first?" Jaune chuckled, taking the flask and getting a whiff of the flask's contents. It wasn't whiskey, like he had assumed. Instead, a sweet coconut and cherry aroma wafted up his nose, and he felt his mouth water. "Rum and cherry juice?" _'I know it's alcohol, but damn this smells amazing.'_

"You know it," Qrow smirked. "Take a sip."

Jaune looked at it, shrugged his shoulders, and pressed the metal rim to his lips. "Bottoms up." The alcohol didn't burn as much as it did his first time drinking, and he quite enjoyed the taste. Exotic and sweet, just like his wife. _'Wow. That was just awful, hehe. I'll make sure to not ever say that to her.'_ Emerald would probably roll her eyes and boo if she heard him say that.

He passed it back once he swallowed, nodding appreciatively. "Thanks, Qrow. I needed that."

"You looked like you did, kid," Qrow slapped him on the back, slicking his bangs back. "Go take a shower while Light puts the finishing touches on your weapon; you smell like the rear end of a pig baking in the middle of Vacuo's desert."

"…again, that was oddly specific," Jaune snickered, heading towards the showers. "You have got to tell me the story behind that one." _'I bet that story is filled with juicy details and almost blackmail-worthy.'_

"Not happening."

"You're no fun at all. I'll never understand how you managed to hook up with Light."

"With age comes charm. And a whole lot of experience."

"…I'm just going to go inside and get my brain bleach," Jaune muttered, bolting inside and heading straight for his room. He closed the door, stripped off his hoodie and shirt, and stretched out. "That feels better…"

He started to undo the belt keeping his jeans on when he heard a series of whistles, and he turned to see Emerald waiting for him in the shower connected to their room, covered only by a soft white towel. Her red eyes were gleaming with desire when she saw his toned frame, and her small pink tongue circled her lips. "Hey there, lady killer. You interested in helping a girl out? It's a little hard for me to get all of those spots on my back~."

Jaune's mind was incapable of properly processing those words, but the part of his anatomy below the belt answered for him, standing eagerly at attention at the scenario laid before him. "Yes…yes I will." _'Shower sex? Now this is something that happens only in dreams.'_

He quickly discarded the rest of his clothes, followed her into the shower, and was immediately pushed against the tile wall for a steamy kiss. Emerald's soft breasts pressed into his chest, and she fumbled to turn the water on, dowsing them both in a warm and soothing spray. "Dammit Jaune, you drive me crazy in the best way. I was watching you work out while making the upgrades to the Blazefire Saber, and all I could think about was those strong arms of yours holding me while we made love."

"You drive me crazy too, my sweet." Jaune's mouth left hers rather reluctantly and started to leave a gentle trail of kisses up her jaw and to her ear, sucking on the lobe.

Emerald moaned at the feeling of his mouth on her and she reached for his erect manhood, pumping her hand up and down it. Her fingers traced over the head, gently squeezing out a few drops of precum, and she lined it up with her own glistening entrance. "I can't stand it. I want you so badly."

"You can have me," Jaune smiled, kissing her and easing himself into her wet womanhood.

Emerald moaned at the entry, rotating her hips to take it in further, and her loving gaze locked onto his. "I love you. I love you so much."

Their lips met again, both of them sharing steamy and wet moans as they moved their bodies in sync with each other. Jaune's member loved being inside of her, and the way her insides tightened around him with each thrust drove him mad; he craved more of it.

"Y-you're going so deep inside me," Emerald moaned out, the sensation of being filled up with his manhood too much for her to bear for any longer than ten minutes. "You're gonna get me pregnant, ohhhhh~!"

 _That_ snapped Jaune out of his brief pleasure-induced stupor; the thought of having kids with Emerald was heartwarming, and he smiled at the prospect of having a family of his own with the love of his life. "Is that what you want?"

"Yes~!"

"You want me to impregnate you?"

"By Oum, yes~! I want you to fill me up!"

Jaune began to slam her hips down onto his erection, both of them shaking in excitement and pleasure. He wanted the feeling running through his member to last forever, to never pull out of her tight sex until he finished deep inside and filled her with his loving essence.

But there was one thing he knew, and that was slightly inexperienced teenagers didn't last long when it came to having sex. It was usually over almost too soon.

And Jaune's exhaustion was creeping up on him, threatening to make himself spill into her early. But he bit his lip and fought it; he wasn't going to release until Emerald did.

He slid as much of himself in as he could, puffing a bit, and Emerald shook before spasming with a cry of bliss, her fluids coating his member. "Kyaaa~! Jaune~!"

Her body clenched down on him, and her red eyes were pleading as she rode out her orgasm and held onto him tightly. "Please, Jaune. Please, let me feel it."

Jaune's hips jerked a few times into hers, and his mind went blank as he finished, his seed rushing in eagerly to settle inside her. His lips were moving wordlessly, his chest heaving, and he could hear the happy moans from his wife.

He removed himself from her with a pant, and the two shared a loving kiss, holding each other close. "Oh Jaune…I really hope I can start a family with you."

"You'd make a gorgeous mom."

"Really?"

"Promise."

 _ **A/N: Next up, Jaune's new weapon is revealed. It took a few drawings to get it right (yawns)**_

 _ **Anyway, I hope you enjoyed, and I'll see you soon!**_

 _ **Discord: DPLxBeAsTxSnIpE #5371**_


	14. Chapter 14

_**A/N: Hello all, here is Chapter 14. For this, I plan showing the remodeled version of Crocea Mors and the call home (why I've waited this fucking long is beyond me). Hehe…gotta love parenting!**_

 **A Drunken Marriage of Thievery**

 _Summary: Life couldn't have gotten worse for Jaune. After getting kicked out of Beacon for his fake transcripts, he just wanted to drink to forget it. Too bad he couldn't remember anything afterwards and woke up in bed with that dark-skinned beauty he met at the bar._

 ***Chapter 14***

Jaune knew he couldn't put it off any longer. He had to call home, and do it now.

He had been dreading doing so, for he was painfully aware of the reaction wasn't going to be all sunshine and rainbows. _'An Arc always faces a problem with courage. You handle fighting hordes of monsters no problem; a simple call home should be easy compared to this.'_

He went through the contacts on his scroll and dialed the number of the Arc Residence in Nibelheim. _'Well, here goes nothing. I just hope they are in a listening mood.'_ It only rang for maybe three times, and he heard someone pick up the family phone. _"Hello? Jaune, is that you?"_

It was his renowned huntsman of a father, Miles.

"Yeah, Dad. It's me," Jaune answered sheepishly. "So…how's it going?"

" _Dear Oum, Jaune. It's been weeks since you last called, and the first thing you ask is 'how's it going'?"_ Miles sighed. _"You have some explaining to do, young an. Starting off with, where the hell have you been? We received word that you got kicked out of Beacon, but didn't hear anything else after that."_

"Yeah, about that…" Jaune chuckled nervously. "I, um…do you remember how you used to tell me that everyone in the Arc family can hold their liquor and drink for days on end?"

" _Of course I do. Wait…did you go out drinking?"_ Miles queried. Jaune could practically hear his brow furrowing. _"And you didn't wait until I took you out to a strip club?"_

"Dad!" Jaune's face was red at the thought of entering a place like that. "Well, I'll start. I got kicked out, like you heard. Then I decided to go and drown my sorrows the only way an Arc can without embarrassing himself by getting drunk. I met a girl named Emerald there, who was also having a bad night."

" _At first, I was a little mad. Now, I love where this story is going,"_ Miles grinned.

"Wait until you hear what happens next. So, me and Emerald are getting nice and drunk talking about how crappy our days were. I offer her to dance, and then I can't remember anything else from the night."

" _Oh really? Please, tell me more."_

Here was the part he was dreading. But he knew his dad wouldn't get too annoyed with him for telling the truth. _'Okay. I can do this.'_

"We woke up naked in the same bed together with rings on our hands," Jaune confessed. "Basically, I got kicked out of Beacon, got drunk, and then married in the span of one night."

He heard his father spit out his coffee on the other side, followed by high-pitched laughter. _"Bwahahahahaha! Like father, like son! Ahahahahaha! Do send the wedding pictures! So, where are you guys staying? Somewhere in Vale?"_

"No. We're currently at this damn camp of Uncle David's," Jaune replied, rubbing his head. "He's keeping us nice and safe." _'Safe…yeah. More like Qrow and Light took the reins for him so he can keep the camp running smoothly.'_

" _David's, eh? Well, it could be worse,"_ Miles breathed. _"You could have ended up with Uncle Felix in the special forces and fighting in the war. I'll be giving David a call later on. For now though, I want to talk to your missus. Let's switch this to a voice call, okay?"_

"You got it." Jaune went in search of his gorgeous wife, and instead bumped headfirst into Lightning. "Oh crap. Sorry about that, Light." _'Whoops. And Dad just heard that, didn't he?'_

Lightning was holding a large white greatsword with golden trim, and she held it out to him. "I was looking for you, Jaune. Here; Crocea Mors just underwent a massive upgrade. Time for you to get used to the big league weapons now."

Jaune looked over his reworked weapon with a curious eye, marveling at its new shiny glory. The handle was wrapped in golden crosses, and near the blade's base were two circular slots for Dust spheres. The ball on the end of the handle had a strange rune in it, and to Jaune's surprise the weapon was lighter than he suspected. "Huh…it's not as heavy as I thought." _'Wow. Light did one hell of a job on this thing.'_

"Nice to see that you appreciate my craftsmanship," Light answered. She reached into her pocket and pulled out two Dust spheres, one bright yellow and the other light gold. "Here; Time and Lightning Dust. The Time Dust will speed up your attack and movement speed. Lightning will add electric powers to your attacks. Just slide them in the two slots. Now if you excuse me, I'll be yelling at a certain drunken idiot of a birdbrain for attempting to sneak whiskey into the kids' mess hall."

" _Lightning's with you? Huh. I feel I can sleep easier at night knowing you have one of the best huntresses in Remnant watching over you,"_ Miles breathed. _"I'll give her a call later. But what's this I hear about Crocea Mors undergoing a remodel? Just what did you do to it?"_

Jaune rested the remodeled greatsword on his shoulder, sweating a little; he'd need to work on his upper body strength to make sure he could use it efficiently. "Light turned the shield and sword into a single greatsword with two slots for Dust spheres. I like the look of it."

" _Ah, going for the old 'big and heavy' look? You're definitely my son,"_ Miles chuckled. _"I did the same thing when I was your age."_ The simple phone call had switched into a video call, and Jaune could finally see his dad's face.

Miles Cloud Arc was a short man, standing at only five feet seven inches tall, with spiky blonde hair and several bangs falling into his crystal blue eyes. A single earring adorned his left ear, and across his back was his trusty Fusion Sword, built up of seven different smaller blades. He even though he was a father, he still remained an active huntsman and was one of the best swordsmen in all of Remnant. He could either use his weapon as a single claymore, or he could dual-wield the blades with the precision of a professional monster hunter.

"I'm bringing you to meet the missus now," Jaune said, walking to his room. He opened the door and found Emerald lying on their bed reading a book called 'Violet's Garden'. "Hey Em. My dad wants to meet you."

Emerald sat up, rubbing her eyes. "Really? Well, okay then. I suppose I should meet my new father-in-law."

Jaune took a seat next to her, and she placed a marker in her book before shutting it and waving to the screen. "Hey, Mr. Arc. I'm Jaune's wife, Emerald."

" _Please, call me Miles. Mr. Arc makes me feel like an old man,"_ Miles chuckled. _"It is a pleasure to meet the woman who has charmed my only son."_

He raked his eyes up and down the two, and gave a nod of approval. _"Gotta hand it to you, Jaune. You certainly managed to find yourself a keeper. I'm proud of you, son."_

"Thanks, Dad," Jaune grinned, giving Emerald a quick peck on the cheek. "See hun? Told you he'd like you for a daughter-in-law." _'I didn't think he'd really have an issue with it. But I still think he's going to tease me relentlessly.'_

" _Don't worry; I'm very happy someone managed to accept my son for the man he is,"_ Miles reassured. _"You have my full blessing. So, how has my boy been treating you, Emerald? Like a proper gentleman?"_

"He does," Emerald answered, resting her head on his shoulder. "Always there to provide emotional support, and is my favorite teddy bear. Handsome, and yet gentle and knows how to make a woman feel special."

" _Does he make sure you finish first in the bedroom?"_

"Dad!" Jaune blushed at the question. "Come on! C-can we not discuss our sex life?"

" _What? You're a married man now. You can handle a few playful jabs from your old man,"_ Miles smirked. There was a voice on his side of the call, and he groaned. _"Damn. That sounds like it's for me. I'll talk to you later, okay Jaune? And it was very nice to meet you, Emerald. Welcome to the Arc family."_

"Bye, Dad."

"See ya, Miles."

The video call ended, and Jaune gave Emerald a loving kiss. "So, happy to be officially welcomed into the Arc family?"

"You bet," Emerald murmured against his lips, giving his hand a light squeeze. "Your dad seems really cool, too."

"He is. He really is the cool dad," Jaune said with a smile. He rubbed Emerald's exposed stomach, trying to resist leaning down and nibbling it to tickle her; like any good husband, he knew where all of her ticklish spots were. "I just hope I can follow in his footsteps when it comes to parenting." _'That's actually what I'm afraid of. I'm worried I'll be a crappy dad to my kids.'_

"Mmm…" Emerald let out a purr of content at the tummy rubs, and she snuggled her head into his shoulder like an overgrown house cat. "Yes, give me the tummy rubs." Dammit, she really was too cute when she put on that act.

"You are the cutest thing ever, you know that?" Jaune asked rhetorically, his hand moving in slow lazy circles over her stomach. "I can't wait to see what you'll be like when you're a mom." _'We're definitely going to end up as parents. We had unprotected sex and I finished inside both times. Parenting, here we come.'_

Still. Could be worse.

-0-

Qrow gulped when he saw Lightning stalking over to him with her Buster Sword in hand. "Um, I'm sorry about getting you knocked up?" _'Don't tell me she's already pregnant…though knowing my luck, it will happen.'_

"Shut up, Qrow," Lightning growled, brandishing the giant hunk of metal at him. "Why the hell did you try and sneak whiskey into the food of underage children!?"

' _Oh, that. So that's where my whiskey ended up? Oh, son of a…'_ Qrow had been looking for it for over three hours to no success; he assumed that Jaune had stolen it to have sloppy drunk shower sex with his wife earlier after it didn't turn up. "Okay, for once that wasn't me. Someone stole it, and I didn't know where it ended up."

"Really now?" Lightning was more than skeptical, but she lowered her giant sword nonetheless.

"Come on, Pinky. I know I'm a drunk—"

"Who likes to bed women far younger than him."

"—but even I have morals," Qrow continued dryly. "If I had to place bets as to who stole it in the first place, I'd assume it was that little bastard Max." He'd love to give the kid a piece of his mind, but currently the little fucker was out with the airplane that he bought using David's credit card information. _'That kid is a piece of work. Even if he is a jackass, I feel bad for him. No family apart from two parents who don't even care about him.'_

He'd have a talk with David later about possibly adopting him. Even if they constantly butted heads, it was clear that the happy-go-lucky man genuinely cared about him; he'd make a much better parent to Max than the kid's current distant ones.

"That…does seem like something Max would do, from what you've told me about him," Light sighed. "When the hell are you going to settle down and have kids of your own, Qrow? I'm ready."

"Whenever we finally finish this damn fight. Oum knows it's dragged on for too long," the older huntsman answered. He spun Harbinger in his hands, cracking his neck. "Hey, are you still capable of using your Limit Break?"

"Gestalt? Of course," Lightning answered. "Wait…why?"

"Because," Qrow smirked, "we're going to put on one hell of a show for our little topaz couple later on. And I want to know if Blondie is capable of using his before we go after Cinder." _'That kid Ren insists that Jaune is a good learner. Well, it's time to put that to the test, now that Light's done with his weapon.'_

 _ **A/N: And things are heating up…**_

 _ **Why did I remodel Crocea Mors into a heavy greatsword? I don't know why, but to me a claymore-type weapon seems to suit Jaune really well, as does a new suit of badass armor (hides the rough drafts for this fic's replacement). Sorry, but no spoilers for that. And Jaune's dad is modeled after Cloud Strife during Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children.**_

 _ **Next up, things get a little more…bloody. Mainly because of the Mad King. See you!**_

 _ **Discord: DPLxBeAsTxSnIpE #5371**_


	15. Chapter 15

_**A/N: Chapter 15. We'll open up with a little sparring between Jaune and Qrow, and then we'll see some delicious murder :)**_

 _ **I do apologize for my delay. I'm a married man now, so I don't have as much time to write daily. Still, I hope you enjoy these last bunch of chapters :D**_

 **A Drunken Marriage of Thievery**

 _Summary: Life couldn't have gotten worse for Jaune. After getting kicked out of Beacon for his fake transcripts, he just wanted to drink to forget it. Too bad he couldn't remember anything afterwards and woke up in bed with that dark-skinned beauty he met at the bar._

 ***Chapter 15***

Jaune held Crocea Mors tight in his hand, and he charged towards Qrow with a loud battle cry. "You'll never beat me, old man!"

"Heh, you're nothing but talk, kid," Qrow chuckled, extending Harbinger into its sword form. "And prepare to get your ass handed to you."

Crocea Mors clashed with Harbinger, and Jaune gritted his teeth as he continued to press back against the older huntsman. Though he wasn't extremely muscular, Qrow was still incredibly strong, and he grunted as he still kept his balance. "Damn kid, I gotta hand it to you. You have gotten stronger the last week or so."

"Thanks," Jaune smirked, taking a few extra swings at him. "I have been training with you and Light nonstop for a week." The blonde knight's greatsword kept meeting Qrow's own blade, and he stumbled when Qrow pushed him in the chest with one hand. _'What the hell!?'_

"Sorry kid, but you're still off-balance," Qrow said with a grin. He tripped Jaune up, and stood over him with his sword pointed at his throat. "And you lose. Again. Looks like you're buying dinner tonight."

Jaune leapt back to his feet, resting Crocea Mors on his shoulder. The sun was blazing overhead, making him sweat buckets. His shirt lay discarded on the ground, and a few footprints were on it courtesy of Qrow. "Aw man. I was really hoping I'd be able to kick your ass for once instead of the other way around." _'Dammit. For an old man, he really is one difficult opponent. I don't envy someone who has to battle him seriously.'_

Several bruises and small cuts were on Jaune's arms and chest, and he touched one gingerly. "Damn. You really got me good earlier. Emerald's going to kill me." His wife had actually gone after the older huntsman to berate him for making her husband come back with minor injuries and aches.

"Ain't my problem, kid," Qrow scoffed. "You don't want to get hurt, then don't—"

He was cut off by Jaune casting a powerful thunderbolt courtesy of his Dust. Qrow stumbled, surprised by the sudden magic attack, and he wiped a bit of dirt from his cheek. "That's it, you little shit. Now you're really about to get your ass kicked."

"Oh, I'm so scared. I'm shaking in my armor," Jaune mocked, throwing another lightning bolt at him. Qrow leapt to the side, firing his shotgun at him in return. Jaune blocked the bullets with his greatsword, making them fall to the ground again. "See? I'm already better." _'I know I'm asking for it. But I owe him some shit talk after he cut me up.'_

"You talk too damn much," Qrow replied gruffly. He flipped the blade of Harbinger up, spinning it in his hands and smirking. "If you were as good as your trash talk, you'd be better than even your dad."

"Ha. As if." Jaune's father was ridiculously good; the man had never once lost a fight and won every single tournament he ever took part in. "My dad is probably the only person who beat your ass more than Light." _'And there's the second little jab.'_

A swing from Qrow's weapon was met with a counterstrike from Jaune, the two stubbornly refusing to let the other get an edge. The blonde knight narrowed his eyes, and he noticed that if he could get Qrow in a little closer, he could knock the dusty birdman over. _'Mmm. Maybe if I stepped back? I hope it works.'_

He took a few steps back, and Qrow stumbled forward with wide eyes. "What the!?"

Jaune seized his opportunity, and he grabbed the huntsman by the wrist and tossed him onto the ground. "I win."

Qrow sat up, spitting out a mouthful of dirt and wiping a smear from his cheek with a grin. "There you go, kid. I like it. I think you're finally ready to learn how to use your Limit Break."

"You mean Meteorain?"

"Yep."

"Finally." Jaune breathed a sigh of relief. His muscles ached, and he rested his greatsword on his shoulder. "But, can we at least get some food first? I'm famished." _'I feel like I haven't eaten in days. How does he manage this kind of hunger out in the field?'_

Qrow shook his head, sliding Harbinger across his back. "Dear Oum, you kids have no stamina these days. Makes me a little concerned about your marriage. Women like a man who can outlast them in the bedroom."

"So that's why you barely get laid?" Jaune asked cheekily. His smartass remark earned him a thump on the head, and the blonde winced while he rubbed the sore spot. "Worth it." _'Why does this geezer hit so damn hard? It's like he's the typical overpowered old man in every anime ever.'_

"Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up, smartass. One day, you'll be my age, and worrying about your stamina will be a real problem."

"Ah, that's about maybe fifty years from now, so I won't be worried for awhile."

 _THUMP!_

"Again, so fucking worth it…" Jaune rubbed his sore shoulder.

He heard a group of hisses and snarls in the distance, and his grip on Crocea Mors tightened. "Do you hear that?" _'That hissing sounds like a snake. And a really big one at that. Grimm?'_

Qrow paused, and after a few seconds he nodded. "Yeah, I do. It sounds like a Grimm attack. We better hurry back to camp before David has another damn panic attack."

The two ran back as fast as they could. Jaune's legs pumped, and he really hoped they would reach the Grimm before they attacked the camp again. For some reason, Camp Campbell had been suffering from more frequent Grimm attacks the past ten days. The attacks were always stopped by both Qrow and Light before anything could happen, but they seemed to be getting more and more frequent.

' _It doesn't make any sense. Why would the Grimm keep attacking? Is there something drawing them near?'_ Jaune didn't understand the motivations behind the attacks, but he did know one thing.

He was NOT going to let them succeed.

His blood began to pump once he laid eyes on the first of the creatures of Grimm. It was a Deathstalker, and he hefted Crocea Mors up. "Qrow, go on ahead! I got this one!"

"You got it, kid," Qrow replied, dodging to the left and avoiding an attack from the giant scorpion's stinger. "Take care of yourself!"

Jaune blocked a pincher attack, forcing it back, and winced as the second one hit him squarely in the chest. His aura took the brunt of it, and the blonde narrowed his eyes, spinning his greatsword and activating the Time and Lightning Dust. "Let's go."

Time slowed down, and Jaune leapt to the side, slashing at the Deathstalker's body. His sword crackled with energy, and he swung it down onto the Grimm's right pincher. The sharpened blade cut it off, and the beast screeched in pain. Its tail thrashed while it was electrocuted from the Lightning Dust, and it reared back before trying to stab the blonde again with its main weapon. _'Got it! This overgrown arachnid is finished.'_

Jaune jumped back, and he smirked triumphantly as the attack missed and the stinger got trapped in the ground. "Gotcha." He jumped up and swung, the sword cutting through the tough armor and slicing it in half. The Grimm vanished in a flurry of black particles, and Jaune rested Crocea Mors across his back with one hand on the handle. _'Okay, now time to get back to Qrow.'_

He ran back towards the camp, and he burst through the trees to find the swarm of Grimm barely being held back by Qrow, Emerald, and Lightning. Qrow and Emerald were trying to keep them at bay with ranged attacks, and Lightning was sweating furiously as she dashed between the Grimm to hack them to bits with her Buster Sword.

The pinkette swore angrily after a Beowolf fell in front of her, and she panted. "There's just no fucking end to them! Jaune! Use your Limit Break, now!"

"Got it!" Jaune drew his sword while the three backed up, and Crocea Mors glowed with its intense magic as he remembered the necessary incantation to use his Limit Break. "Stars, rain down!"

His swung his sword down, and he heard a high-pitched whistling from above. His blue eyes were wide when he saw six meteors falling from the sky, and he watched in amazement as the falling stars utterly destroyed the Grimm attackers. "Woah…was that really me? That's incredible!" _'The power of these Limit Breaks is astounding. No wonder Lightning and Qrow are some of the best of the best.'_

Lightning hobbled over to him, panting. Blood trickled down from a cut on her arm, and her face was caked with dirt and sweat. "Thank Oum you were able to use Meteorain. I'd hate to think what would have happened if you didn't use that."

The ground was littered with small fires and impact holes, and Jaune felt himself wobbling a little. "What the…?" _'Huh? Why am I suddenly wobbling? And why does my head hurt?'_

"Easy there, kiddo," Light warned. "Using it the first few times will be physically draining. It'll take you awhile to get used it."

"Don't worry, I got you," Emerald murmured in his ear, letting him lean on her shoulder for support. Her hands rubbed his back, and she whispered again to him. "Look at you being all hot and badass. But, you're still buying dinner tonight~."

"Fuck me…"

"Gladly. After dinner, of course."

* * *

The Mad King chuckled as strode into Cinder's very own facility. With Sephiroth now fully under his control, there was no need for him to lead Cinder on any further than he already had. The wannabe seductress had failed in her endeavors to actually succeed in locating either Branwen or the pesky children who slipped from her grasp, and failure was not tolerated by neither the Mad King nor their goddess Salem.

"At last, my friend, it is time for us to dispose of Cinder and her incompetent cronies," the Mad King said to Sephiroth. "Is your blade eager to once again taste the flesh and blood of humans who have crossed me?"

Sephiroth nodded quietly, his odachi Masamune in his hands. The sword was remarkably sharp, capable of slicing through buildings and aura with ease. Even the most powerful huntsmen and huntresses were no match for the sword, falling to its wielder's powerful magic. "I…am ready to do your bidding, Master."

"Excellent," the Mad King beamed. He reached into the silky pockets of his kilt, pulling out two spheres of pure Dust, Fire and Barrier, and sank them into his left arm. "Now, let's get this show started, my friend. The poetry of life and death will create a spectacle worthy of a goddess's attendance." _'Salem has her eyes on us. This day will go down in Remnant's history.'_

Cinder's base of operations was larger, though not as extravagantly decorated as the Mad King's own magnificent palace. No large paintings decorated polished oak walls; instead, it was very dark, with torches lighting the halls with their brilliant flickering flames.

Guarding the main entrance further inside were two grunts, each holding an Atlesian rifle. The men aimed their rifles at the Mad King and Sephiroth, their grey helmets covering their eyes. "Halt! Who are you, and why are you here!?"

The Mad King shook his head mockingly, his face soured with disappointment. "Gentlemen, is that any way for you to treat those of royal blood? I am Ryan, also known as the Mad King of Vacuo, and this is Sephiroth. You two ought to be ashamed of yourselves, treating guests such as myself in such an unwelcoming manner. I do not wish to harm more than is necessary, but if you choose to continue to bar our way, my associate and I will have no choice but to use lethal force."

The two men exchanged glances, and the Mad King could see the grip on their weapons begin to falter a little. _'So easy to manipulate. They have no brains at all.'_ "If you must know, we are here to dispose of your employer on orders from our goddess, Salem. I realize that you may harbor ill feelings towards us, now that you know why we're here. But, are those feelings justified? You two are capable individuals, and yet does Cinder take the time to reward those who are loyal to her?"

"N-no…" one of the guards murmured, lowering his rifle. "She doesn't. She's never pleased. She treats us like dirt. And one small mistake equals death. She's a damn tyrant!"

He spat in anger, and the Mad King's smirk grew. He had them, persuaded by the power of his words. "What would you two say to a new employer? One who makes sure those who serve well are richly rewarded, and has more power and wealth to spread? Work for me, and I'll personally make sure that your families are more than compensated for the rest of their lives. More lien than one could dream, a limitless supply of Dust, or weapons beyond your wildest imaginings. What do you say to this proposal?"

The two guards shared a look, and they took off their helmets simultaneously. One was a Faunus, his wolf ears twitching. The other was a man with a large thick beard, and they both knelt down in front of their new king. "We submit ourselves to your service, Mad King Ryan. Cinder is on the eighth floor, along with her most loyal guards and henchmen."

"A wise choice, indeed. Thank you, gentlemen," the Mad King said with a smile. "You will find a transport waiting outside. I believe you'll find it more than adequately equipped to suit your needs. Fine wine, succulent food, and pleasurable company."

The two men scurried outside, and the Mad King allowed himself to release the menacing cackle that had been building up inside him as he continued on his way. "Yes…everything is going exactly as we planned. And the next act will be even more pleasing to the eye."

"…" Sephiroth was quiet, following his master's footsteps. The artificially birthed swordsman rarely spoke outside of battle, but when he did, his voice was filled with malice and chilled a man's bones. His preferred method of fighting involved the mental and physical torment of his victims, often taunting them and causing severe pain with his magic and sword before he put an end to their misery. It was sadism at its finest, and something the Mad King took great pleasure in witnessing.

He stroked the fine golden handle of his longsword. It had been many years since the decorated blade last got to drink the succulent red river that flowed through the veins of mortals. And yet, he was slightly disappointed that the sword wasn't going to get to enjoy the taste of battle today, for that honor belonged to Sephiroth.

But, in case the Mad King did find himself with no other option but to engage in combat, he did have on his person a substantial amount of Dust. Spheres of Fire, Lightning, Ice, and Barrier Dust lined his pockets, and he knew how to use them masterfully.

His smile grew. Cinder didn't know what was coming to her.

The Mad King stood outside a heavy iron door, and he looked over to the silver-haired swordsman. "Are you ready?"

Sephiroth nodded, and the Mad King blasted the door off with a single strike of his Lightning Dust. "Hahaha! Let the second act of our grand play begin!"

Cinder's guards turned in surprise, and one of them fumbled with his scroll. "Intruders! Someone, sound the alarm!"

Their rifles started to release their fire, and the Mad King let out a disappointed sigh as he cast a magical barrier to deflect the attacks. "Gentlemen, please…do not waste my time with such petty displays of resistance." _'These men are fools to fight us. They simply do not understand that it is useless to try and fight me.'_

The gunfire eventually ceased after the men realized they couldn't break through the barrier, and the Mad King lowered his arm. "If you're quite through with this foolish attempt to fight me, please allow me to make you all a proposal. I understand that you are all unsatisfied with the way your boss has been treating you. So, why loose your venom on someone who shares your feelings? If you lower your weapons, no harm shall come to you, and if you take up my offer as two of your companions already have, you will find yourselves serving a man who does more than make sure you are fed and watered daily. Those who prove their worth and loyalty find themselves richly rewarded."

His words were being taken in, and one by one, the men lowered the weapons and the one with the scroll made a quick call. "All is clear. No, there are no intruders, Roman. Just a guest of Cinder's. Yes, I will make sure to greet them with proper courtesy next time, just leave my daughter alone."

He hung up, and spat angrily on the floor. "I hate that man." He raised his head, hand reaching into his pocket to pull out a fat stack of lien and holding it out to the Mad King. "Kill Roman as well as Cinder, please. I hope this enough money."

The Mad King shook his head, strutting over and putting his hand on his shoulder. "My friend, a man blessed with my extravagant wealth doesn't require monetary assets. As long as your heart continues to beat while serving me, all I require is obedience."

The men filed out, leaving the Mad King and Sephiroth alone, and the silver-haired swordsman let out a small hmph of laughter. "Easily swayed by your words. Do you plan on keeping the promises you've made me?"

"Of course," the Mad King replied with a smile. "You are the one who gets the honor of killing today. All I wish to do is marvel at your work."

They continued to stroll through the building, until they stopped outside a thick oak door with a brilliant flame emblem etched onto it. The Mad King could hear voices inside, and he raised his arm. "And now…for our grand finale."

He used his Fire Dust to blast the door off its hinges, surprising and hitting the occupants within. One of them was the nefarious criminal Roman Torchwick. The other was Cinder.

"Ryan!? What is the meaning of this!?" Cinder shrieked, her aura flaring from the surprise attack. "Roman, see to them at once!"

Roman reached for his cane and fired at the Mad King. However, he simply used his Barrier spell to block the attacks, shaking his head mockingly. "Tsk. What a pity that you decided to work for this pathetic wench instead of me, a man who ensures his associates are well cared for. Sephiroth, kindly dispose of him."

The silver-haired swordsman smiled, raised his odachi, and charged.

While the two of them had their fight, the Mad King strode over to Cinder, his Barrier blocking her fiery magic. He ignored the sounds of gunfire and metallic crashes. "Pitiful, isn't it? How you've been reduced to this?" To taunt her, he hit her again with his Fire attacks, the relentless flames burning through her weakened aura and scorching the flesh.

Cinder's eyes were burning with hatred and anger as she tried to stumble back to her feet, wounds smoldering from the attacks. "You…you traitorous bastard!"

The Mad King merely smirked, leaning forward and cupping her chin with a callous-free hand. "Please, spare my ears of your ignorant hate speech. Your minions knew that this fate would inevitably befall you. And yet, you dismissed them as preposterous rumors and mistreated them in the harshest of manners. Your insufferable arrogance is what has led to your disappointing demise here today."

He let his finger drop to the belt around his waist, where his beautiful longsword rested. "Salem has no further use for you, with me creating my one winged angel of despair. And as lovely as it would be to have this sword get a taste of the succulent river of life that runs throughout that gorgeous body, I have more important matters to attend to at the time."

The sounds of gunfire abruptly ended, and he tilted his head to see Sephiroth pulling his sword from Roman's chest. The criminal fell in a puddle of his own blood, and the Mad King snapped his fingers.

Sephiroth's eyes glowed with power, and the Mad King smiled when he saw the unfamiliar look of pure terror etch itself onto Cinder's face. _'So beautiful, cowering in your own fear. Pity I can't marvel at it for as long as I wish.'_

"Sephiroth, kill her," he requested silkily. "Her usefulness to our goddess is at an end."

Cinder didn't even have the time to open her mouth and scream.

Masamune was a lightning fast blur, and Cinder's body slumped to the ground. Her head rolled on the ground several feet away, and the Mad King patted Sephiroth's shoulder. "Excellent work. That's one loose end of ours taken care of."

He reached for his scroll and dialed Salem, smiling to himself. "Greetings, My Lady. It's me, Ryan."

"I'm elated to inform you that Cinder's fall was indeed fitting."

" _Excellent work, Ryan,"_ Salem crooned. _"The next phase is ready to begin. The Arc boy will be returning to Vale soon. When he does, ambush him and take him back to your castle."_

" _Everything is going exactly as we planned."_

 _ **A/N: That's it for this. I do hope you enjoyed it :)**_

 _ **I should warn you, in the near future there will be some very dark themes, including torture. I am a bit of a sadist at heart, and this fic admittedly will have that guilty pleasure of character torture.**_

 _ **By the way, thanks to everyone who's taken the time to review this story. It means a lot! See you soon!**_

 _ **Discord: DPLxBeAsTxSnIpE #5371**_


	16. Chapter 16

_**A/N: Hello all, and welcome to the latest chapter of this drunk marriage. We'll take a break from all the intense action and go back to some good old fashioned fluff :)**_

 _ **This chapter admittedly came to me when I had the munchies about three weeks ago.**_

 _ **I apologize for the massive delay. I hit a rather big brick wall with this chapter for some fucking reason.**_

 **A Drunken Marriage of Thievery**

 _Summary: Life couldn't have gotten worse for Jaune. After getting kicked out of Beacon for his fake transcripts, he just wanted to drink to forget it. Too bad he couldn't remember anything afterwards and woke up in bed with that dark-skinned beauty he met at the bar._

 ***Chapter 16***

Jaune had his eyebrow raised in skepticism. "So, let me get this straight. You want me to take Emerald into town for a date?"

"That's about right, kiddo," Light replied. The huntress had just gotten her wound tended to, and was rubbing her sore arm. The dressing was soaked red, and she grimaced whenever she moved it. "Look, you two need a good break, especially you. There's no reason why you can't just have a nice night out and enjoy each other's company. Don't worry too much about the camp's safety; I can still fight by way through a horde if I need to, and I trust Qrow's got my back."

"Wow, you really know him. Is that what happens after you sleep with him?" Jaune asked cheekily, knowing full well what would happen as a result.

 _THUMP!_

"Okay, I deserved that one," Jaune admitted, rubbing the spot where Light had punched him. She didn't even use full force, yet the blonde knew he would still have a bruise from it. "Damn, you punch even harder than the old man. I'm envious of that." _'Forgot how hard she punches, even when it's only for messing around. I don't envy Qrow when he makes her annoyed.'_

One surefire way to irritate the pinkette was to mention her sexual history with Qrow. Whether it was out of embarrassment or irritation, Jaune didn't know. But either way, she didn't take too kindly to little jabs of that nature, regardless of who it was from.

"He even cheats too, with those fucking rings on his hands."

"I think he wears them in case he gets his dusty ass in a bar fight or something," Jaune said with a laugh. The image of Qrow repeatedly punching someone in face while the person was yelling at him to stop was hilarious to him, and he scrunched his eyes to prevent from laughing like a lunatic and making Light worry about his mental state. _'Too funny. I want to see that now. The poor bastard would probably be trying to remember what to do in a situation like that, only to get punched again and asked if he was going to dodge any of the hits to really rub it in.'_

He quickly regained his composure, though not before the pinkette noticed his sudden change in facial expression. She let out a sigh, her eyes half-lidded with exasperation. "Were you thinking of that one abridged anime where the guy gets punched repeatedly in the face and is yelling at his assailant to stop?"

"How did…?"

"Because I watch half the crap you do, and a lot more."

"Your search history is probably an entertaining sight to behold." Jaune grinned. "I imagine it's quite a juicy little collection of all your dirty little secret desires. Maybe I should tell Qrow to give it a look?" _'This is begging for a beating, and I know Light's not afraid to whack me around a little bit. But at the same time, it's a lot of fun messing with someone when they have such a predictable reaction of annoyance.'_

He was _really_ spending too much time hanging out with Max at night. The two were starting to become as thick as thieves, whether it was Jaune helping Max sneak into the liquor cabinet at two in the morning or the other boy making sure no one walked in on Jaune and Emerald having sex in various places.

"You've spent way too much time with Max," Light said, sighing and rubbing her temples. She squinted her eyes shut and pinched her brow as if she had a headache from the constant evil shenanigans, shaking her head. "I'd love to know when the hell you decided to become such a smartass."

"Better than being a dumbass." Jaune kept digging away.

"Goddammit," Light groaned. "Did Qrow teach you how to talk shit? Because I sure as hell didn't; I'd remember it."

"Typically, in order for someone to teach something, they have to know how to do it first," Jaune replied with a trollish grin.

Lightning began to laugh, shaking. "Shots have been fired. Bang bang, motherfucker. I take back any angry remarks I might have made when you ate the last glazed doughnut two nights ago."

"Hey, you know I have a sweet tooth, especially when it comes to those," the blonde knight defended. "I'm addicted to their simple tastes. You just don't understand."

"Whatever. Come on, big guy; I need to make sure you look nice and sharp for your date tonight." Lightning beckoned for Jaune to follow her, and he sighed, falling in behind her.

"Light, can you do me a favor?"

"What?"

"Please don't do anything to my hair…"

* * *

Jaune whistled at the sight of Emerald as she stepped out of the bathroom. "Wow…you look gorgeous, hun." _'Damn…she looks fucking fantastic in that!'_

His wife was clad in a dark green dress and matching heels, shuffling her feet nervously. "Are you sure this is okay? I'm not one to wear these kinds of things."

Jaune gave her a reassuring smile, stepping forward and settling his hands on her hips. "I promise; you look absolutely beautiful tonight."

He gave her a gentle kiss, and Emerald locked her arms around his neck. "Aww, thank you, handsome. And don't you look sharp tonight, Mr. Wick."

Jaune himself was clad in a dark blue suit and black dress shoes, and he scratched his head awkwardly. "While I'm flattered that you would compare me to possibly the most badass assassin ever in a movie, I don't think I pull this off quite like him." _'Ha. Like I could ever hope to hold a torch to John Wick. The guy fights his way through armies and drops headshots like it's nothing; I summon goddamned meteors onto Grimm.'_

' _Okay, maybe we're not too different. But still, I'm nowhere as awesome as him.'_

"Well, you look quite handsome in it." Emerald leaned up to kiss him gently, winking and linking her arm through his. "Now be a gentleman and escort a girl to a nice dinner out, will you?"

"No problem." Jaune pulled out his wallet and wiggled it. "Go insane. I'll pay for anything you want to get."

"Wait, who's driving us there?" Emerald asked curiously.

"Good question…" Jaune frowned. "I don't know. Anyone apart from my uncle would be ideal, though."

* * *

Five minutes later, he wished David _was_ the one driving them into the city.

For their designated driver was none other than fucking Max, who had somehow managed to get his hands on a limousine.

"What? You act like you're surprised I have a driver's license or something." Max smirked.

"To be honest, it would be more believable to hear that you stole it," Jaune admitted with a snort. "I haven't forgotten the time you stole Gwen's car and attempted to sneak into a strip club three years ago."

"Woah, what do you mean, _attempted_?" Max's giant shit-eating grin grew. "Not only did Neil and I manage to get in that bitch, but we even got a few dances and drinks before they caught on that we were underage. I'd say that we were pretty fucking successful in our endeavors."

"Really? Are you purposely leaving out the part of the story when the bouncer literally threw you into a parked car?" Jaune asked dryly. "I didn't appreciate getting that phone call at two in the freaking morning."

"Man, did the married life turn your ass into a total fucking buzzkill?" Max sighed. "Farewell, the Jaune Arc I remember. He will surely be missed."

" _I'm_ the buzzkill?" Jaune scoffed. "I'm not the one who tries to be a cockblock for nothing more than shits and giggles." _'Once a jackass, always a jackass…'_

"Boys." Emerald let out a cough, and she opened the door to the limo when both males stopped and turned to face her. "I don't know about you, but I want to go out and have a nice dinner with my husband before everything decides to close."

She started to get into the car, and Jaune and Max looked at each other before shrugging. _'She does have a point. And I'm starving for some good food myself.'_

The blonde knight gave his friend a stern look. "Remember to please drive like a normal human and not someone playing Grand Theft Remnant 5."

"What's the matter? Afraid you'll get carsick?" Max smirked.

"Shut up Max."

* * *

"Alright, call me when you fuckers are done," Max said as he pulled up next to an old-fashioned Italian restaurant. "I promise I'll be mostly sober when you're done."

"That does not inspire confidence whatsoever," Jaune muttered. He got out and held the door open for Emerald like a proper gentleman, and his wife linked her arm through his as he waved back. "Call you later. And for the love of Oum, do not try and call us in the middle of sex, you damned cockblock."

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever, dude." Max grinned and drove away, and Jaune could only sigh.

"Well, shall we get going inside?" Jaune invited.

Emerald nodded, and the two walked inside.

Inside, it lavishly decorated; expensive paintings lined the walls, partially covered by Mistrali silk curtains. Jaune's wallet let out a sob; this place was pretty, but usually, great décor also came with the menu that would empty your bank account.

' _Screw that. I have more than enough in my account to cover whatever we get, provided we don't go insane and try everything on the menu.'_ Jaune shook his head, dismissing that brief mutinous thought when he looked at how happy Emerald was to be in a place like this.

His wife was looking around with wide eyes, her grip on his arm tightening. "I've never been in a place like this. It's amazing."

"Me neither," Jaune agreed.

A short deer Faunus girl came over to them with a smile. "Hello, and welcome. Can I help you?"

"Table for two, please," Jaune requested politely.

"Okay. Please, come this way." The waitress motioned for the couple to follow her, and she led them to a booth near the back of the restaurant. "I hope you enjoy your time. A server will be here to take your order shortly. Please have a look at our exclusive drinks menu, too."

"Thank you." Jaune and Emerald were each handed a menu, and the waitress left them alone to look through the menu.

He tapped it with a grin, looking at one of the menu options. "Garlic lobster tail, huh? Haven't had that in years. I think I know what I'm getting."

"Me too." Emerald closed her menu, entwining her hand with his. "Steak with roasted onions and peppers, and some mashed potatoes."

"Never knew you liked steak."

"It's the most delicious thing on the planet." Emerald looked like she was about to start drooling in about ten seconds if the topic continued. Which, rather predictably, it did.

"Rare or well-done?" Jaune asked. _'This info will come in handy for when I want to make her a proper homemade dinner.'_

"Rare!" Emerald's stomach growled in agreement. "I want that damn steak to still be mooing at me when I dig into it."

"…remind me to never let you near a live cow or a cow Grimm ever," Jaune muttered.

Emerald let out a laugh, and soon a server with light blonde hair and a friendly smile approached him. "Hey there. My name is Nathan, and I'll be your server for this evening. What can I get for you two?"

"I'll have the garlic lobster tail," said Jaune.

"Steak with roasted onions and peppers and mashed potatoes," Emerald said.

"How do you want that steak?" the server asked. He had already written the order down on his notepad and was now tapping it with his pen.

"Rare, if you don't mind."

"Okay. Anything to drink?"

Jaune and Emerald exchanged a glance, and the blonde gave her a wink as he handed the man the forged IDs Max got for them. "Two margaritas, please."

The man looked at them, but his eyes couldn't spot any signs of the forgery. "You got it, Mr. and Mrs. Arc. Your order will come out shortly."

He leaned his head back and hollered across the floor to the chef, who was a huge brute of a bald man with several scars on his face and even one on his fucking throat. "Oi, Maine! You get to finally make a steak the way you like to!"

Once the server walked out of earshot, Jaune grinned and kissed Emerald's hand. "What do you know? It looks like Max's mischief does come in handy sometimes."

"You sure you can handle margaritas? Last time we got drunk…" Emerald started to smile at the memory. "I recall you ending up in my bed."

"Hey, it was the best way to end a night as crappy as ours," Jaune defended. "Besides, you enjoyed it. I saw you checking out my ass."

"Nope~."

"Yep."

"Mmmm…nope~."

It was nice to recall the way both of their lives became intertwined, and when their drinks arrived, Jaune took a sip, thinking. "Hey, Em?"

"Yeah hun?"

"…do you remember what kind of dancing we did at that club the night we got hitched?"

"…sort of," Emerald answered with a blush. "It's a little fuzzy. You were grinding up on my ass, and I think you were drunkenly yelling something like 'Fuck that ginger bitch' at the top of your lungs."

"That seems more believable than I'd like," Jaune chuckled. "Anything else?"

"Yeah. You gave me a hickey." Emerald gave him a gentle pinch on his cheek. "And you're lucky it was in a place that's easy to cover up." She pointed to her right breast, and Jaune's face lit up.

"…would you kill me if I made a chocolate milk joke?" Jaune grinned.

"Do you want me to do that trick where I use my semblance to create a dick?" Emerald countered with the same mischievous glint in her eyes.

"…no."

"That's what I thought." Emerald stuck her tongue out, taking a sip from her own drink and nodding in approval.

"Still bang you though." Jaune winked. "You're hot."

"Flatterer."

"Only flattery if it isn't true."

Emerald put her hand on top of his, licking her soft lips slowly and seductively. "When we get back…you are going to be one lucky man."

"Already am, love. Already am."

It was nice, just enjoying her company.

 _ **A/N: And that's a wrap. Sadly, this story will be wrapping up relatively soon. I do hope I can get these final few chapters out sooner rather than later, but at the same time, it will be bittersweet. I love writing this story, and it really got me addicted to my favorite pairing, so I'm sad to see it end despite the feeling of accomplishment I'll have when I mark it complete.**_

 _ **See you soon!**_

 _ **Discord: DPL #5371**_


	17. Chapter 17

_**A/N: Hello all, and welcome to chapter 17. I'll warn you, this is when shit gets a little dark for our Topaz couple. Some trigger warnings apply.**_

 _ **Also, if you happen to be interested, I have done a RWBY/Final Fantasy VII crossover called The Calamity of Remnant now out.**_

 **A Drunken Marriage of Thievery**

 _Summary: Life couldn't have gotten worse for Jaune. After getting kicked out of Beacon for his fake transcripts, he just wanted to drink to forget it. Too bad he couldn't remember anything afterwards and woke up in bed with that dark-skinned beauty he met at the bar._

 ***Chapter 17***

Jaune helped Emerald walk out of the restaurant, both of their stomachs filled and content. And in Emerald's case, a little woozy from the margaritas they had. Being the good husband he was, Jaune was providing support for his slightly intoxicated wife, and he reached into his pocket to pull out his scroll and dial Max. "Hey, Max, are you there?"

" _Yeah, dude. What's up? You fuckers done already?"_ Max asked incredulously. _"Shit, I thought you'd be there for at least another hour stuffing your face with all the fucking appetizers they have."_

"Well, you thought wrong." Jaune rolled his eyes, adjusting his shoulder so Emerald didn't fall. "We're not in the best states right now, so if you could hurry, I'd really appreciate it. Get here in ten, and I'll give you the key to Qrow's liquor cabinet." The drunken huntsman had wised up to the previous break-in a little bit, placing a lock on the small cabinet that contained his whiskey. However, he was a little too careless with the keys, and Jaune (with encouragement from Lightning and Emerald) swiped it and replaced it with a fake.

" _Shit, really? Fuck that, I'll be there in five minutes. Later, man."_ Max hung up, and Jaune took the time to adjust himself again.

Emerald blinked her eyes open, still glazed over from the alcohol, and she lazily grinned at him. "Heeeey there handsome. Are you here to fly me home?"

"Dear Oum, you're wasted." Jaune shook his head, trying to look stern as he waggled a finger in front of her. "I don't think you're going anywhere near those again for awhile."

"Aww, you're no funnnnnn~." Emerald pouted, trying to lightly punch him. In her current state, however, she hit nothing but air, and she whined. "No fairrrrr! There are two of you now!"

' _She's drunk. And I actually get to witness it, too. Lucky me.'_ Jaune cracked a smile and ruffled her soft lime green locks, planting a kiss on her forehead. "That's right. I cloned myself to make sure you can't get into trouble."

"Nooooo! The party monster is here!" Emerald gasped, clutching onto his shoulder. She then started to laugh, nearly falling over. "You are sooo hot. You radiate sexy."

' _Aw man, I wish I could record this for us to laugh at later without her trying to beat me to death with my severed arm.'_ Jaune shook his head, booping her on her nose. "I'll take that compliment."

He heard the screeching of tires, and he turned his head to see Max pull in briskly. "And that is less unexpected than I'd like." _'Goddammit Max.'_

Jaune approached the passenger window with Emerald draped over his shoulder, and Max rolled the window down with his usual shit-eating smirk on his face. "Holy fuck, dude. She's fucking wasted. Good thing you told me to put your weapons in the trunk; hate to think what would happen with her both armed and drunk."

"Yeah, me too," Jaune replied through gritted teeth, helping Emerald into the limo's back seat. "You mind popping the trunk so I can grab mine? You can never be too careful."

"Shit, that we're agreed on." Max popped the trunk, and once Emerald was properly sat, Jaune went to grab Crocea Mors from the back.

"Okay, got it." He rested the claymore on his shoulder, slamming the trunk closed with his free hand, and climbed into the seat next to his inebriated wife. He put a hand on her shoulder, feeling her soft skin. "How do you feel?"

Emerald blinked, and it looked like her intoxication was slowly but surely beginning to wear off. "Like shit."

"Hmm…" Jaune grinned, giving her arm a gentle squeeze. "You don't really feel all that mushy to me."

"Ugh, you two being lovey-dovey is fucking unbearable." Max let out a groan of mock nausea from the front seat, driving them away. "I think _I'm_ going to get sick from this shit."

"Asshole," Jaune muttered, just loud enough for their underage (and probably illegal) driver to hear.

But, Max for once chose to ignore the remark, and he simply hooked his scroll up to the car's entertainment system to blast some hardcore rap. The bass thundered from the speakers, loud enough to make the windows shake, and Jaune groaned as the speakers pounded out the music.

"Goddammit Max." Jaune sighed and rubbed his head, Emerald leaning onto him. His wife was slowly drifting off to sleep, even with the ridiculously loud music, and Jaune leaned down to gently plant a kiss on her head when Max suddenly screeched to a halt. Jaune was flung forward, and he went to glare at the younger teen when he noticed the look of fear on his face; Max was _never_ afraid of anything. _'What the hell?'_

"Max, what's going on?" he asked.

Max pointed with a finger, swallowing. "Um, dude…those guys look ready to completely and utterly fuck our shit up."

Outside, blocking the road, were two SUVs. They were guarded by at least a dozen men wearing strange uniforms, each of them with a high end Atlesian rifle in their hands.

Jaune's eyes narrowed. "Max, you drive as fast as you can to the camp and get Qrow and Light. I'll stay here and cover your escape."

"Dude, are you fucking serious!?" Max exclaimed. "There's a dozen of those fuckers, and you don't have your armor!"

"Screw the damned armor." Jaune got out of the car, greatsword in hand. "And get going. See on the other side, Max."

Max nodded, and as he started to race away, Jaune ran forward with his sword ready. "Come and get it!"

The men opened fire, and Jaune dashed to the left, using his sword's wider blade to block some of the Dust rounds. He spun, swinging his sword at one of his opponents and cutting him in two. The act of violence surprised Jaune; he had been expecting them to have their auras unlocked. _'They aren't using their aura? But why?'_

He didn't have time to ponder on the matter, for another two rushed him. The muzzle of their rifles flashed, and Jaune's aura started to whittle away from the assault. With a growl of determination, Jaune swung again, this time removing limbs.

They fell with screams, and the blonde blocked them out with a wince; whoever these men were, they were aiming to kill him and Emerald, and he couldn't afford to show them any mercy.

He grunted with the exertion, and with another clean swing decapitated them.

He caught a flurry of shots in his back, and Jaune turned to block the next onslaught. "Dammit!" _'Whoever they are, they certainly are persistent.'_ Jaune rushed forward, using his sword to block the bullets, and killed his assailant with one clean slash through his chest.

He took a quick look around, and saw yet another truck come along to join the fight. "Oh, you've got to be kidding me." _'So much for this being simple. I hope Max gets there and back fast enough.'_

He would have to use his own Dust to get out of this one in one piece.

Jaune activated his Lightning Dust, spinning Crocea Mors in his hand and covering his body and weapon in the electrical energy. "Alright, let's go!"

He started throwing lightning bolt after lightning bolt at the men, hoping he could take them out quicker than just by using his sword. Their numbers started to dwell rapidly once he started using his magic, but his joy was short-lived, for a freaking airship carrying even more troops joined the fray. _'Seriously!? This is just ridiculous!'_

Jaune panted for breath. Using his Dust the way he had made him drop his guard, and it showed. His aura was barely a spot above critical levels from the constant attacks, and Jaune gripped Crocea Mors tightly. _'Dammit. This has to end, here and now. Max isn't going to make it in time!'_

He raised his sword high and swung. "Stars, rain down!"

The meteors began to fall down, causing massive destruction to everything they hit, including the airship. The aerial craft fell in a brilliant heap of flaming metal, and Jaune paused to catch his breath, using his sword for leverage. "Dear Oum…"

He wiped sweat from his face, panting, and he only just lifted his head up from the ground when a searing pain surged through his chest. His aura shattered, and he looked to see a long thin sword had pierced him from behind. "W-what!?"

He strained his neck to see who had stabbed him, and all he was able to see before being thrown on the ground were cat-like eyes filled with malice and long silvery hair. "W-who…!?"

Crocea Mors fell out of his hand and onto the ground with a loud clatter, and that's when the inky cloud of darkness took over, and he blacked out.

* * *

When Qrow saw Max run towards him with an unconscious Emerald and a look of panic on his face, he knew things had gone to absolute hell. "Calm down, kid. Tell me what happened."

"Some guys fucking ambushed us!" Max managed to get out, struggling to hold up Emerald. "Jaune told us to book it and get you and Pretty in Pink while he stayed back to hold off the assault!"

"Dammit, this ain't good." Qrow immediately had Harbinger in its scythe form, and he gave them a stern look. "You stay here and tell Light what happened; if they decided to attack the camp, we'll need her here to ward off any assaults and get you guys out of there. Tell David to keep an eye on Emerald until she wakes up, too. I'm going to get that punk and beat some damn sense into him." _'Dammit. Did Cinder make her move? No, this doesn't seem like her kind of style; she'd prefer to play with them for even longer from the shadows like the arrogant bitch she is.'_

He then stopped when he thought about it. "It can't be…"

There was only one other person in all of Remnant he could think of. One other person who was even more manipulative than Cinder, and who had a much more powerful brain. _'There's no one else it could be though. It's him.'_

Qrow transformed into his bird form and flapped his wings as fast as he could. "Hang in there, kid. I'm coming."

He just hoped he wouldn't be too late.

* * *

When Jaune finally came to, he was aware of many, many things.

Firstly, his chest was in agonizing pain with each breath he took. Secondly, his hands and feet were keeping him bound to some kind of lab table.

And thirdly, he had just been kidnapped.

Jaune struggled to break free of his bonds, and he looked over when a man wearing a kilt and a crooked crown entered the room. The man grinned at him, rubbing his hands together slowly. "Ah, how nice to see you have finally come to. I was afraid that my associates might have accidentally killed you; they have a slight tendency to get a little carried away."

Jaune glared at him, his eyes burning. "Who the hell are you!? Get me out of this!"

The man shook his head, waggling a finger. "Tsk tsk. I expected someone like you to have manners. Looks like I'll have to install them." He pulled on a lever next to him, and Jaune let out a pained scream as a powerful surge of energy coursed through him.

By the gods, it fucking _hurt_ , and Jaune gasped for breath when the man stopped electrocuting him. "You…you bastard…" _'How did he do that!? My aura should've stopped it!'_

"My, oh, my. You have quite the foul mouth on you, my boy." The man chuckled. "How heartbreaking to see that you have not learned your lesson. And in case you were wondering, your aura is currently being suppressed thanks to my magnificent technology binding your limbs."

"What do you want?" Jaune spat out.

"What do I want? My boy, if there's anything I want, I take it. Royalty does have its perks." The man smiled. "Oh, how rude of me to not properly introduce myself. My name is Ryan, but you may call me the Mad King."

The Mad King stood up, a deadly sharp longsword coming into Jaune's view. It was beautifully made; whoever crafted it was likely a master blacksmith. "I'm sure you've noticed I am a man of extreme wealth and with refined tastes. As such…I've made some recent acquisitions I think you'll find more than appropriate for a man of my standing, including a Grimmotaur."

"W-what?" Jaune couldn't believe his ears.

"That's right." The Mad King smiled at him again. "A Grimm that is half man, and half bull. His name is Edgar, and you'll meet him soon enough." He started to walk out of the lab, and a pair of scientists took his place. Their coats were lined with countless needles, and Jaune struggled all the more to break free.

"Doctors, the patient is ready for the testing." The Mad King smirked, and looked back at him. "If you have to scream…please don't be too loud, okay? Edgar's ears are rather sensitive."

He shut the door, and Jaune started to scream as the doctors descended on him with mad cackles of their own. He was alone, and cut off from everyone he cared about.

' _Emerald…'_

 _ **A/N: Told ya, this shit's starting to get dark. Next up, we get even darker with Hojo coming in to experiment on him.**_

 _ **See you!**_

 _ **Discord: DPL #5371**_


	18. Chapter 18

_**A/N: Chapter 18. Again, trigger warnings for this chapter do apply. I do like the idea of Jaune gaining some new power similar to that of Devil Trigger from DmC Devil May Cry, especially since it's just so fucking cool to use. So, thanks to the reviewer who suggested it.**_

 **A Drunken Marriage of Thievery**

 _Summary: Life couldn't have gotten worse for Jaune. After getting kicked out of Beacon for his fake transcripts, he just wanted to drink to forget it. Too bad he couldn't remember anything afterwards and woke up in bed with that dark-skinned beauty he met at the bar._

 ***Chapter 18***

Jaune struggled against his bonds, sweat pouring down his face. They cut and dug into the flesh on his wrists, and blood dripped from the cuts and onto the metal table he was bound to.

The blonde had to endure three long hours of pure agony at the hands of the Mad King's doctors. They injected him with countless different types of chemicals for their own amusement, torturing him for their pleasure to see if their experiments would work in breaking him down.

Jaune tried to resist each time, but in the end, he was always left a sobbing mess, and the doctors would cackle with sick delight.

He really needed to escape, before they tried to do something even worse, like kill him or go after Emerald next. _'Emerald…'_

A single tear trickled down his cheek, and he tried to blink it away. _'No. Don't give them the satisfaction of knowing that you're close to breaking.'_

His knuckles turned white, and once more he attempted to break his bonds.

"My, still trying to resist?" a sinister voice sneered. "I thought you would have been broken down into a weak whimpering mess, boy."

Jaune turned his head to see a different doctor enter. His hands were full with a vial of shadowy liquid, and it made very unpleasant splashing noises with each step the doctor took towards him. "Who are you?"

"Names are unimportant." The man smirked at him, though it more like a Beowolf baring its fangs. "I hope my associates haven't been too rough with you."

The bastard was mocking him. Jaune glared daggers, and he spat at him. He felt a twinge of satisfaction when the glob of spit hit the bastard's cheek, and the doctor sighed before wiping it off with a gloved hand. "How rude. I haven't done anything detrimental to your health…yet." There was that toothy grin again.

He tapped the vial of liquid, holding it up towards the lights in the ceiling. "Remarkable, isn't it? This is the essence of Grimm."

Jaune's face paled. _'Just what the hell is planning to do with that!?'_

The doctor saw Jaune's face, and he chuckled. "No need to be so afraid, my boy. This stuff will make you stronger. Much stronger. You'll be able to be the huntsman you always dreamed of becoming. A true slayer of demons. You could protect your pretty little thief of a wife with ease."

Jaune bristled at the mention of Emerald. "You leave her out of this, asshole."

"You misunderstand me. I have no quarrel at all with you or that little street rat," the doctor said harshly. "Can't you see? I'm helping you become stronger. This little experiment is called the JENOVA Project, and it'll turn you into a lion amongst sheep. Don't you want to be able to protect your friends? Your loved ones?"

Jaune hesitated. He knew the bastard was lying; he did mean him harm. But at the same time, he didn't want to risk Emerald suffering the same fate as him.

"It seems your mind has been made up." The doctor pulled out a syringe, pulling the liquid up from the vial. "Please, hold still and try not to scream too loudly.

He injected the needle, and everything changed in an instant.

The pain was so unadulterated, so raw, Jaune honestly wanted to die to let it end. Anything to escape the unimaginable pain as that liquid coursed through his veins, making his body spasm uncontrollably.

Jaune's world went white, and everything seemed to move far slower than normal. Somehow, he felt stronger and faster than he ever had before. Like he could cut through an entire army of Grimm without breaking a sweat. All of his senses had been heightened.

His aura began to reactivate, and it started to heal his wounds in no time at all. The pain diminished as quickly as it started.

But the sheer power he felt running through his body didn't stop. With an angry yell, Jaune heaved his body upwards, the bonds snapping off like they were made of paper. Everything seemed so slow to him now, including himself as he fell onto his hands and knees waiting for this new unfamiliar sensation to wear off.

"Ah, Doctor Hojo," the Mad King greeted, entering the room. "I take it the experiment was a success?"

"It was," Hojo replied with a cackle. "The boy can use his newfound powers whenever he taps into his inner demon now."

"What did you do to me!?" Jaune was gasping for air, and his vision slowly turned back to normal.

"I made you stronger, boy," Hojo replied. "Your powers allow you to tap into that Grimm essence that now flows through your veins. You become faster, stronger, and your aura regenerates much more quickly. You can become the hero you always wanted to be. No normal huntsman can stand a chance against you now. Feel free to thank me whenever you wish."

"Fuck you." Jaune's body was still spasming, unable to handle the vast new power he was just forcibly given.

"So be it." Hojo let out a sigh of mock disappointment, turning to the Mad King. "He's all yours, now."

"Excellent. Thank you very much, Doctor." The Mad King strode over to Jaune, kneeling down and cupping his face with a sinister smile. "Now, you are going to run a little test for me and my honored guests. How does that sound to you?"

"Fuck off," Jaune snarled, mustering the strength to give the sadistic asshole in front of him the middle finger. Even in his weakened state, it was still satisfying to him to show he wasn't going to break just yet.

"How rude," the Mad King said, letting a fake gasp and pretending to be hurt. "Is that how you treat those who give you more power than you could ever dream? I tremble to think what you'd do to a woman who gave herself to you, like that fetching young woman you married. Yes, I know all about your marriage to one of Cinder's little pawns. Don't look so surprised."

"How do you know Cinder?" Jaune asked with a growl, strength returning to his body.

"I used to be accomplices with her, so many years ago," the Mad King replied. He let out a sigh, as if recalling fond memories. "Very prosperous times. However, she had outlived her usefulness to our goddess, and earlier this week I disposed of her with ruthless efficiency. It was quite thrilling to see the fear permanently etch itself on her face before her head was removed from the rest of her body. I regret not taking a picture; it was truly a work of art."

"You're just as bad as all the other scumbag terrorists and mobsters," Jaune seethed.

"Me, a terrorist? Why, I feel offended by the very accusation," the Mad King replied, a hand over his chest. "I'm not like that rabble at all. I'm a businessman with standards, and take care of those who are obedient. My men live in luxury they only believed to be in their dreams."

He snapped his fingers, and the silver-haired swordsman who had stabbed the blond in the chest appeared by his side. "This is Sephiroth, another who has been given extraordinary powers exceeding those of normal huntsmen and huntresses. You two should start to get acquainted while you have the chance, Jaune." He grinned menacingly.

"After all…there's no guarantee you'll survive the test you're about to undergo now."

Sephiroth took a step forward, and Jaune hoped that soon he would be freed from this nightmare. _'Emerald...'_

' _I don't know if I can last much longer.'_

* * *

Emerald was absolutely livid when she woke up and was told the news of Jaune being kidnapped. "What the fuck do you mean, he's been kidnapped!?" _'Whoever did this is dead. He means too much.'_

Jaune meant the world to her. He had accepted her without question, even when he found out about her past. She slept with him, for Oum's sake, and most likely had a family of their own on the way now. It was still too early to tell if she was pregnant, but they did have unprotected sex, so it was probable.

Emerald wasn't raising a family without Jaune.

Qrow looked exhausted; he had only just gotten back from scouring everywhere he possibly could in search of her missing husband, and he scowled. "As in someone attacked you, and he stayed behind to make sure you and Max could get back safely. He did his duty as a husband. You ought to be proud of him, when we get his ass back."

Emerald growled angrily. Her head ached from the margaritas she had the previous night, but she stood without wobbling. "Then why are we standing around here waiting? Let's get him the hell out of there." _'The longer we wait, the more pain he suffers. I'm not going to sit around twiddling my thumbs while my husband is in some building being tortured.'_

"Think, Emerald," Qrow snapped back. "The one who kidnapped him is the Mad King of Vacuo. You really think Light, you, and me can walk into a fortress, break him out, and escape? No, we need some help for that. And thankfully, the kid was smart enough to leave a few contacts in case things went to hell."

"When did he do that?"

"Just before you left last night."

"So, who's on the list?" Emerald asked, grabbing her Blazefire Saber and some lightning Dust.

"Let's see…" Qrow pulled out a piece of crumpled paper from his pocket, and he chuckled despite the current situation. "Damn, he has a lot of faith in those kids. It's his old team from Beacon, JNPR."

"Would they come to help?" Emerald knew that Jaune didn't exactly leave on the best of terms with one of his old teammates.

"Trust me, they might be pissed off that he faked his way into Beacon, but that kid Ren ain't about to let Jaune get killed on his watch."

Qrow pulled out his scroll and dialed. "Hey, Oz. It's Qrow. I've got a little situation, and I'm coming to Beacon. No, I promise it doesn't involve a giant jar of peanut butter. Nor does it involve me trying to have sex with Winter. I'm a respectable man now." Emerald scoffed at that last bit.

"Look, Oz. That Arc kid you threw out for not having legitimate transcripts just got kidnapped by the most infamous crime boss in Remnant," Qrow said, giving Emerald a glare. "And his wife is already eager to spill some blood for her beloved. But, we can't pull it off alone. Are you willing to lend us a few students to help?"

"…to be honest, I was thinking about Team JNPR." Qrow's trademark shit-eating smirk appeared, and Emerald knew that somehow, he had just managed to bribe the headmaster into it.

"You got it, Oz. I'll meet you at the Beacon airstrip."

Qrow hung up his scroll, and he spun Harbinger in his hands. "Em, go get Light and tell her we're getting ready to move out in a few minutes. We're breaking Jaune the hell out of that shithole."

Emerald didn't need to be told twice and she ran as fast as her legs could carry her. _'We're on our way, Jaune. Just wait a little longer; we're getting you free.'_

' _I'm coming for you.'_

She wasn't about to fail the man who was her world now.

 _ **A/N: Next up, Team JNPR, Emerald, Qrow, and Light speed towards the Mad King's palace in an attempt to break Jaune out, and Jaune uses his Devil Trigger against the mighty beast in the hole known only as Edgar…**_

 _ **See you soon!**_

 _ **Discord: DPL #5371**_


	19. Chapter 19

_**A/N: So, the penultimate chapter here. I honestly am slacking a little bit with these last few updates, but that might be because I really love this fic and don't want it to end. But, all good things come to one, and this is no exception.**_

 **A Drunken Marriage of Thievery**

 _Summary: Life couldn't have gotten worse for Jaune. After getting kicked out of Beacon for his fake transcripts, he just wanted to drink to forget it. Too bad he couldn't remember anything afterwards and woke up in bed with that dark-skinned beauty he met at the bar._

 ***Chapter 19***

Jaune growled in anger as he was dragged forcibly into the chamber, giving his 'escort' a glare. "Get your dirty hands off of me."

His hands were currently bound together by thick metal cuffs, and if it weren't for them he'd have given the bastard a punch in the face. It would probably result in him getting brutally beaten for disobedience, but he'd at least have the satisfaction of knowing he wasn't going to just let them do whatever they pleased without one hell of a fight.

"Then get walking, you arrogant little shit," the man snarled back, giving him a jab in the back with a cattle prod. His aura absorbed the electricity, but his body still shook a little.

Jaune let out a bitter laugh, spitting on him. "Forget something about aura, did you?"

"That does it!" His attacker went to smash his fist into Jaune's face when a silent cough stopped him.

"I would most appreciate it if you could refrain from causing more harm than necessary to Mr. Arc," the Mad King said elegantly. He was sitting in a beautifully crafted throne with a fox Faunus by his side, and Jaune tensed. In the bastard's hands was his sword, Crocea Mors, and the Mad King was studying it with a glow of admiration in his eyes.

"My, oh my," he murmured. "This is quite the remarkable sword. It takes a fair bit of upper body strength to wield such a weapon." He ran a hand over its edge, smiling as he touched the golden emblem carved into it. "Ah, I see now why the craftsmanship is so spectacular. It's been fortunate enough to have been touched by some of the finest hands in the huntress business, hasn't it? This is the work of Lightning Farron, former leader of Team LOCS from Atlas. This lives up to her reputation as a skilled smith."

He lowered the weapon into his lap, motioning with a lazy gesture at the thick cuffs digging into Jaune's wrists. "You can get rid of them, guardsman. There is no need for them anymore."

"As you wish, my king." The man bowed his head, still giving the blond a hateful glare while he yanked the cuffs off of Jaune's hands.

Jaune rubbed his sore wrists, sighing mockingly. "Gee, am I in trouble again, _Dad_?" He had to find a way to get his damn sword back; the sooner he got his hands on it, the sooner he could get the hell out of this hellhole. _'I just need to wait for the right opportunity. When it comes, I'll take back Crocea Mors, kill this jackass, and get out.'_

"You, in trouble? Well, that all defines on your definition of the word." The Mad King smiled. The Faunus girl leaned forward to nuzzle his neck, purring as he scratched behind her ears, and he gave her a sultry grin. "Now, now, my dear. We still have company present at the time. When he is no longer in our presence, then I will indulge in whatever fantasy you wish."

The Faunus gave a bit of a pout, but she listened and took her seat next to him. Her brilliant piercing gaze never left his face, apart from giving a brief glare to Jaune as if he were somehow at fault for being brought before the Mad King and thus preventing her from getting any action.

' _On the plus side,'_ Jaune thought with a twinge of satisfaction. _'Neither is that asshole.'_ He could live with that.

"So, what's the occasion? Are you taking me out to dinner or something?" Jaune asked. "At least let me change out of these awful clothes."

He was currently wearing a grey tank top and blue jeans, and he looked down at himself with a shake of his head. "Seriously, man. What do you take me for? I look like some punk-ass kid who gives the finger to security cameras."

"Well, you are," the Faunus girl hissed in return. Her ears were drawn back as she snarled at him, and the Mad King put his hand up to stop the commotion.

"There is no need for that. Mr. Arc, your clothes were unfortunately covered in blood from your…acquisition," he replied. "If you still feel chilly, then by all means feel free to take that coat over there."

He pointed to a long red trench coat, and Jaune rubbed his exposed arms. The chilly atmosphere of the palace made the hairs on his arms stand on edge, and though he hated considering anything from the Mad King to be a gift, he took it nonetheless in a hurry.

"Now what?" he asked. "Do I get my 'Walk out of jail for free' card now? Or am I putting on a show for you? I'll tell you; I'm an awful model."

"My boy, you are putting on a much different show. One that will showcase your newfound power," the Mad King answered with a smile. "Take your sword; you'll need it if you are to survive my mighty Labyrinth."

The very second Jaune's hand closed around Crocea Mors handle, the Mad King pressed a button on the armrest of his throne with a grin. "Hope you have a landing strategy."

The floor beneath him opened up, and Jaune let out a yell as he fell. "Son of a bitch!"

The fall wasn't as big of one as he expected, and he hit the ground quite soon. His aura took the brunt of the blow, and he groaned out as he felt around on the floor for his sword. His hand bumped into it, and he let out a sigh of relief. "Oh thank Oum…"

He rested his sword on his shoulders, and swore when he saw what was in front of him. "Fuck me."

In front of him was a giant maze, like something out of an old coloring book. Except this one was very, very real. The walls towered over him, at least twelve feet high, and the brooding corridors were dark and gloomy. _'Well, shit. I don't even have a light to help myself see.'_

He looked at his sword and frowned. The two spheres of Dust he had fused with it were gone; he assumed they had been removed after his capture. _'Why? Why is he doing this?'_

Jaune shook his head. _'No time to think about it. There's a reason why he's called the Mad King of Vacuo, and it's not because he makes sense. Just focus on getting out of this maze before someone or something else finds me.'_

He saw that his ragged shirt was beginning to unravel, and he smiled to himself as a plan formed in his head. _'Maybe I don't need to worry about getting lost at all.'_ He grabbed a handful of string and started to pull.

He didn't stop until he had a decent size ball of string in his hand, and he set off, leaving a little trail behind him. "Looks like this shitty little shirt came in handy after all."

With Crocea Mors on his shoulder and the ball of string in his non-dominant hand, he sighed as he walked through the giant maze. "Man, I never thought I'd miss Qrow's smartass remarks as much as I do now."

He really wished they hurry the hell up and get him out of this shithole already. He was bored.

Wait, what the hell was wrong with him? He froze, and frowned, looking at his arms. They were littered with angry red marks from where the doctors stabbed him with needles, and he steadied himself.

He hadn't been the same since he was injected with that Grimm essence by Doctor Hojo. He felt much different.

More…troll-y than usual. Like he'd purposely fuck with his enemy by taunting and insulting them, now.

As unfamiliar as it was, he liked it.

Quite a bit.

Jaune grinned and spun Crocea Mors across his back. "Huh…maybe I should thank them, once I burn this place to the ground and give them the finger on my way out."

As he made his way through the Labyrinth, he soon lost track of time. Every wall looked exactly the same to him, and he honestly found himself getting frustrated every time he had to double back because of a dead end.

He kicked one of the walls in annoyance after the umpteenth dead end in a row, his boot leaving a sizable hole in it. "Son of a bitch! Where is the fucking exit!?"

He looked up to glare at the Mad King, who he knew was watching from above. The bastard was probably laughing at his attempts to get free, and for a moment Jaune was really tempted to throw a lightning bolt at him despite not having his Dust, even though it most likely wouldn't hit him at this distance either. _'This asshole built this for his own enjoyment. I can't wait to break his damn face in now.'_

He rounded a corner, and swore when he saw the beast. "Oh, fuck me…" _'THAT's Edgar!? The Mad King wasn't kidding around when he said he had a Grimmotaur!'_

The beast was tall, over three meters high and bipedal, like a human. The typical bony armor of a Grimm covered its chest, and bits of armor were on its arms and legs. A bull-like tail thrashed angrily, and it let out a loud roar.

Spittle dripped from its jaws, and Jaune narrowed his eyes, gripping Crocea Mors tightly. _'Using my Limit Break is out of the question; I'd kill myself as well as them, and I'm not about to force Emerald to raise a family by herself.'_

This would come down to swordplay.

Edgar lowered his horned head and charged at him, and Jaune chuckled. "So, you seem very eager to die now." _'Dammit, why do I want to troll this thing so bad? It's something my Uncle Felix would do.'_

He groaned. _'Great. I am becoming more like my uncle after all.'_

When Edgar was only a few feet from him, Jaune dodged to the right, sticking foot out to trip the beast. It crashed into the wall with a loud yell, and Jaune slashed at it with his sword. But even Crocea Mors heavy weight did little to the armor, and the beast was soon back on its feet.

Edgar's red eyes were bright with anger and hatred, and it charged again.

Jaune's sword met its powerful arm, and he grunted as he flew back. "Damn." _'This ugly piece of crap is stronger than it looks.'_ His aura stood, and he saw the weak spot. _'Its legs! They're more humanlike than Grimm. That's where I'll aim!'_

Jaune ducked under a furious swipe, and sliced.

Edgar's footsteps ceased, and the beast crashed onto the ground, howling in pain. Its legs were now several feet away from it, and Jaune raised his claymore to rest it on his shoulder, looking at the beast unsympathetically. "No hard feelings, okay? Just doing my job, you ugly sack of shit."

He swung downwards and cut its head clean off. The Grimm burst into black smoke, and Jaune spun Crocea Mors above his head. "Well…now I need to get the fuck out."

The glass room where the Mad King sat had now opened, and the blond heard an angry yell from the man. His crown was askew, and his eyes were livid with anger. "NO! EDGAR!"

A loud alarm started to blare, and Jaune let out a sigh. "Well…great."

The Mad King pointed at him with a shaking hand with an order for all his men to hear. "KILL HIM!"

"Oh, son of a bitch…"

It looked like Crocea Mors was going to taste more than just the blood of a Grimm today.

Jaune narrowed his eyes as the first group of men roped themselves down with guns at the ready. "You want a fight? Let's go."

* * *

Emerald stayed close to Qrow and Light as they walked towards Beacon. She had never been to the school before, having only seen it in a few of the pictures Jaune took during his brief stay, and the sheer size of it was definitely a little intimidating. _'Gods, this place is enormous. How did he even find the strength to come here?'_

"Nervous?" Qrow asked. He had taken point, and was bent over in a slouch as he led them to the Beacon airstrip where the headmaster and Jaune's old team were supposedly waiting.

"It's just the size of this place," she defended.

"It takes a little getting used to." Qrow shrugged and took a swig from his flask. "But hey, once you do, it's quite a fun place to mess around. As my glory stories will attest."

"Spare me the thought of you procreating," Emerald grumbled with a roll of her eyes.

"Hey kid, I can give you tips on how to really—"

"Qrow, you have five seconds to shut up before I do brutal things to your asshole tonight," Lightning growled, glaring at him. "Time and a place. And will you stop drinking from that damn thing? How are we going to successfully pull this off if you're too busy being intoxicated?"

"Eh, force of habit." Qrow shrugged, but he put it away in his pocket. He let out a yawn and stood up a little straighter, cracking his back in the process. "Look sharp. There's Oz."

The headmaster had a messy mop of gray hair, and Emerald wondered how many of those were caused by Qrow. Behind him was an airship, and a steaming cup of cocoa was in his hand. "Qrow. It's been awhile. Team JNPR is inside, waiting to be debriefed."

"You mean you haven't told them?" Qrow sighed. "Great. Mystery mission."

"Considering the topic at hand, I felt as though you were the best to explain the situation," Ozpin replied. He looked at Emerald curiously, his glasses sliding down his nose a little. "So, you are Mr. Arc's wife that I've heard so much about. I'm sorry we have to meet in this manner. Please, do bring him back. I have a great many things to apologize to him for."

"I will," Emerald vowed.

"Good. Well, I won't waste anymore of your time." Ozpin stepped past them, and Emerald caught the look he gave Qrow. _We'll talk later._

"Well, let's go." Qrow rubbed the back of his neck, and the three boarded the airship where Jaune's former team was. There was the guy who gave Jaune his things, a bubbly hammer wielder bouncing around the ship, a tall muscular young man sitting by his lonesome in the corner, and a redhead she recognized as Pyrrha Nikos.

' _So, that's who chased Jaune out.'_ Emerald's red eyes squinted. The temptation to give her a serious tongue lashing was there, but she remembered what Jaune said if they happened to meet. _'Don't say anything nasty. It's not what he would want.'_

"Alright kids, my name is Qrow Branwen, and this is Lightning Farron and Emerald Arc," Qrow announced, clapping his hands together. "We got a mission for you, and not a lot of time left." He motioned for the pilot to take off, and the ship rose into the air.

Emerald noticed the weird looks at the mention of her last name, apart from Ren, and the pink-eyed teen gave her a subtle nod. _'He kept his mouth shut after all.'_

Pyrrha she noticed squirmed uncomfortably, with a look of guilt on her face.

"Your ex-leader, Jaune Arc and husband to this fine young woman has been captured by the biggest crime boss in the world, called the Mad King," Qrow said. He paused, waiting for any outbursts. When none answered him, he continued. "He left a note regarding those he'd trust to have his back if shit happened to hit the fan. You."

Pyrrha stood up, swallowing as if in pain. "What's the plan?"

Qrow grinned. "I like your style, Red. First things first, we need to break into the Mad King's fortress. That will be you and Miss Thor's job. Cause enough of a scene, and we'll manage to get their attention.

"Next, Ninja and Broody McBrood Brood go in from the northwest side and do the same thing. Keep most of the bastards inside busy. Light, you and I will go after the Mad King. Emerald, once those four are in position, you'll go in and get Jaune the hell out of there before I set the charges to blow the place to bits. Any questions?"

Silence answered him, and Qrow nodded. "Good. Get your asses strapped in and ready for a combat drop. A fair warning; this will not be easy. Your enemy will be using lethal force against you, and will not hesitate to put a bullet in your skull. If you want to back out, now's your chance."

Four heads shook no.

"Alright. Now, let's get that pain in the ass; I want to knock some damn sense into his ass for this," Qrow growled.

Emerald took a seat across from Ren, and he looked at her in concern. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Just worried he might be dead already," Emerald confessed. The prospect of her husband being killed was something that terrified her, and Ren put a hand on her shoulder and gave her a reassuring smile.

"Don't worry," he said. "Jaune's a survivor. He has too much to live for to go out in this kind of way."

Emerald sighed and looked down at the city of Vale below as they sped towards the Mad King's palace in Vacuo.

"I hope you're right…"

She'd see him again, and when she did, he was s _o_ getting a serious scolding.

 _ **A/N: One more left. The battle against the Mad King, Sephiroth, and Salem all at once. This ought to be one fun fucking chapter.**_

 _ **Hopefully the completion of this one means a little more free time for me. See you soon!**_

 _ **Discord: DPL #5371**_


	20. Chapter 20

_**A/N: Well, here we are! The finale of my drunk marriage fic. It has been a ton of fun guys, and I hope you all enjoy this final installment.**_

 **A Drunken Marriage of Thievery**

 _Summary: Life couldn't have gotten worse for Jaune. After getting kicked out of Beacon for his fake transcripts, he just wanted to drink to forget it. Too bad he couldn't remember anything afterwards and woke up in bed with that dark-skinned beauty he met at the bar._

 ***Chapter 20 (Finale)***

"Alright, this is where the plane ride ends," Qrow announced. The Bullhead was currently hovering a solid hundred meters above the Mad King's palace, and the older huntsman pointed to both Pyrrha and Nora Valkyrie. "You two, you're out here. Have fun."

"Bombs away!" Nora cackled manically, leaping from the Bullhead with a happy whoop. Pyrrha followed suit quietly, and Qrow chuckled.

"Heh. The girl's got spirit. I like that. She'll make a fine huntress," he said. Several pink explosions sounded off below courtesy of Nora's grenade launcher, and soon a loud alarm started to blare.

"Perfect." Qrow smirked and motioned for the pilot to move a little. "Head to the northwest, now!"

"Yes sir!" The pilot flew the ship over to where Qrow said to, and the huntsman pointed to Ren and the quiet boy who Emerald hadn't met yet. "Ren, Jason, here's your stop. Give them hell."

Jason slammed his fists together, his strange knife-rifle thing strapped to his back. "With pleasure." He gave a two finger salute before doing a backflip out.

Ren paused to give Qrow and Emerald one last glance. "Make sure you get him." He followed his teammate to join in on the chaos now below.

"You know, I didn't expect the kid Jay to actually want to take part in this assault," Qrow remarked, stroking the stubble on his face. "But he proved me wrong."

"That's not exactly hard to do these days," Lightning scoffed. Her Buster Sword was already prepared, and she gave him a hard stare before the three left headed towards the open hatch. "Let's try not to screw this up. We only have one shot at this."

"Don't worry too much," Emerald said. Both older huntsmen looked at her, and she gave a shrug, looking at a column of smoke that began to rise from the center of the palace. "He's a survivor. Something in my gut tells me that Jaune is doing decently for the position he's in." _'That smoke…it's caused by him. I know it is.'_

"That thing in your gut better not be a child, or I'll definitely kick his ass," Lightning said with a growl. "I'm tired of waiting, so I'll see you on the ground."

She leapt, and Qrow let out a heartfelt swear before he and Emerald followed suit. "Well, fuck me…"

"Why are you bitching?" Emerald asked once they started falling. "You have that stupid magic that allows you to change into a dusty old crow." _'I have to rely on my landing strategy. Well, great start.'_

"Because I'm willing to bet money that Jaune not only is down below mostly okay, but he did impregnate you," Qrow answered. He jerked his thumb to Lightning down below, who had already landed on the roof and was making her way to the rooftop entrance door. "And that means she's going to kick my ass first for being a bad luck charm."

"Is that your semblance? Being a pain in the ass?" Emerald asked half-sarcastically. As they fell closer to the roof, Qrow transformed and grabbed Emerald by the back of her shirt, slowing her descent enough for her to land with most of her aura still intact.

She got up, dusting her shoulders off, and Qrow landed next to her with a loud caw. "For the record, don't think this means I've forgiven you for making me marry the love of my life while incredibly intoxicated."

"Well, shit." Qrow drew his sword, clicking on it to extend the blade into its claymore form. "I was hoping you'd let it go already."

"Not happening." Emerald's Blazefire Saber was in its gun form, with a fresh supply of lightning bullets in it. "Time to whoop some serious ass."

Inside, the palace was in absolute chaos. Dozens of uniformed men and women were yelling angrily, and their rifles were already releasing their fire. Lightning was holding them off as best as she could, spinning her sword in her hands, but even she was being forced slowly back, and she gave them a grateful look when they showed up. "About time! There are too many for me to handle at once!"

"Sorry we're late to the party," Qrow replied with a grunt, flipping his sword's blade down to reveal the heavy shotgun inside. "We hit some traffic on the way." His shotgun blasted out, and the wide shot took down a solid six of their enemies at once.

Emerald fired too, providing additional support to the huntress. Their enemies' gunfire started to falter, and Qrow grunted before reloading his shotgun with fire rounds. "Pinky, hit them with your namesake! I'll unleash some fire!"

"Got it!" Lightning yelled back. She started to cast her magic, lightning bolts striking the Mad King's men and electrocuting them.

Qrow provided a few fiery explosions, and all Emerald could see was elemental Dust at its finest. The rounds from her Blazefire Saber provided covering fire, and soon their enemy's numbers had been reduced to half of what it was.

"Come on!" Qrow waved his hand, motioning them to follow him into battle, and suddenly the men and women were blasted aside by a giant fireball. They screamed in pain as they were disintegrated, and the three screeched to a halt, the chamber filling with smoke.

"What the hell was that?" Emerald asked, coughing as some of the smoke hit her.

"I don't know," Qrow said, coughing himself. "But I guarantee you it wasn't us."

The smoke started to clear, and out from it walked a man with long silvery hair and a black coat. In his hands was a ridiculously long odachi, and Qrow tightened his grip on his sword. "Light, you and Emerald go on ahead. This one is mine."

"Got it!" Lightning and Emerald ran, and the mysterious swordsman went to intercept them when Qrow attacked. Swords clashed, and Emerald looked back as the door slid shut.

"I have a bad feeling about this…"

* * *

Qrow slid back, panting heavily and watching as Light and Emerald went on ahead. He could tell just by the way his opponent moved that he was a deadly adversary, stronger than anyone he had ever gone up against before. _'He's strong. Really strong.'_

"Hmm…" the swordsman murmured. "You are powerful. I can feel it."

"Who are you?" Qrow snarled.

"Hehehe…" The man laughed quietly before leaping towards him with unnatural speed. Qrow barely got Harbinger up in time to clash with the razor sharp odachi. Qrow's aura absorbed the force behind the blow, and the silver-haired man grinned menacingly. "I…am Sephiroth."

Sephiroth's sword clashed with Qrow's again, and the two began to trade blow for blow.

Qrow ducked under a swing, flicking Harbinger's blade down to use his shotgun. Sephiroth neatly dodged to the side, keeping composed despite nearly being blasted to bits.

He attacked again, and Qrow found himself on the defensive, a position he didn't often find himself. He parried blow after blow, and yet the bastard showed no sign of fatiguing anytime soon. _'He's not just powerful. He's incredibly durable, too; even my heaviest strikes are doing little to him right now.'_

Sephiroth's attacks let up a little, and Qrow charged back with several heavy slashes of his own. Each time, steel met steel, sparks lighting up their faces as each sword continued to collide with the other.

"Oh? Where in Remnant did you find this strength?" Sephiroth asked.

"I'm not about to tell you!" Qrow returned through gritted teeth, raising his foot and kicking the man back. Sephiroth landed gracefully, avoiding a powerful downward swing from the huntsman in the process.

The two got in each other's faces again, and they started trading blows again and again, with Sephiroth still taunting him. "I've thought of a wonderful present for you. Shall I give you despair?"

Qrow slid back, digging his sword into the ground to slow himself down, and he panted for breath. His aura was starting to get seriously low, and he doubted he could last much longer at the current pace.

"On your knees," Sephiroth said with a sneer. "I want to hear you beg for forgiveness." His hand glowed with power, and he sent a wave of destructive fire towards the huntsman. Qrow leapt over the fire, landed, and met Sephiroth with renewed anger.

It was so damn frustrating. Never had he had an opponent last this long, and to make it worse for Qrow, it felt like Sephiroth was the one winning the fight. _'Dammit! This needs to end!'_

Their blades met again, and Sephiroth dipped his shoulder to put Qrow off-balance. The huntsman stumbled, and Sephiroth elbowed him in the face. Qrow grunted in pain, rolling to his feet, and Sephiroth lifted him in the air and kicked him into the wall.

Qrow yelled out as he crashed through the wall, landing in the next room, and Sephiroth raised his sword in preparation for the final blow.

Qrow got back to his feet, seething in anger. His aura glowed brightly, signaling it was going to fall any moment, and he ran towards him with an angry cry. Sephiroth blocked the first two strikes, and avoided the next five heavy swings with his unnatural grace.

Qrow leapt up, ready to swing his sword down, and Sephiroth's odachi flashed. The huntsman cried out in pain, his aura shattering, and Sephiroth's sword went through his abdomen.

He struggled to break free, gasping in pain. Sephiroth smirked at him, his eyes glowing. "Is this the pain you felt, Qrow? Let me remind you. This time…you won't forget it."

A single black wing grew from his shoulder, and Sephiroth flung him in the air. Qrow tried to move Harbinger to block the strikes, but in his wounded condition he couldn't move fast enough.

Sephiroth stabbed him multiple times, each strike causing an extreme amount of pain to the huntsman. The odachi stabbed him in the foot, and Sephiroth slammed him back onto the ground.

Qrow crawled towards Harbinger, with Sephiroth hovering in the air like an angel of death. "Tell me what you treasure most. Give me the pleasure of taking it from you."

Sephiroth raced towards him, and yet…everything slowed down and turned white for Qrow. He heard a familiar voice behind him, one he hadn't heard in far too long.

" _So what if it looks hopeless? If it were me, I wouldn't give up,"_ she said.

Qrow knew that voice. It was his first love, and the one whose death he blamed himself for. "Summer…?"

" _Hey, chin up, my scruffy bird,"_ Summer whispered. _"You have too much to live for now. Do you need a hand with him?"_

Qrow shook his head, and he summoned his strength to stand back up, Harbinger in hand. "I'm sorry, Summer. For everything."

" _Don't be. It was my own fault. And I want you to move on. Don't lose out to a memory."_

Summer vanished, and Qrow leapt up to clash swords with Sephiroth again. Blood was dripping from the various wounds on his body, and he spat out a mouthful of it. "You don't understand at all. There's not a thing I don't cherish!" _'Time to use it!'_

Their blades met, and Qrow activated his Limit Break. He became cloaked in blue flames, and he rapidly slashed Sephiroth. The silver-haired swordsman gasped at the first five, and he tried to spot Qrow with his eyes.

But he wasn't fast enough.

Qrow hit him with ten more strikes, breaking his aura and delivering the killing blow. He landed on the ground, catching Harbinger in his hand and glaring at the dying swordsman. "Stay where you belong…as nothing more than a bitter memory."

"I will…never be a memory," Sephiroth hissed. His black wing wrapped around his body, and he vanished in a flurry of black feathers.

Qrow felt his side, falling to one knee, and he gritted his teeth before starting to shuffle after Lightning and Emerald. "Well…"

"This fucking sucks. Hope they're having better luck at the moment."

* * *

Lightning let out a growl of annoyance as her and Emerald continued running through the palace. "Goddammit, why the hell is this place so fucking big? This guy has serious self esteem issues."

"He's definitely overcompensating for something," Emerald agreed. The younger woman had managed to keep up with her fairly well despite the huntress's experience, and so far had shown she was worthy of using her old Blazefire Saber.

"By the way, how do you think Jaune's doing?" she asked.

A loud explosion rumbled from deeper within the palace, and a smirk started to grow on her face. "I think he's doing quite well for himself right now."

"An inconvenience that will soon be rectified," a cold sneer said behind them.

The two whirled around, and Emerald let out a frightened gasp. Lightning couldn't blame her, and she started to seethe. "Salem…"

"Wait, who?" Emerald looked at the Grimm Queen nervously.

"Salem, the Queen of Grimm," Lightning answered. "She's the one behind all of this. Jaune's capture, Cinder's death, the Grimm…all of it. Everything went as she planned. Until we showed up, anyway."

Salem drifted towards them, her long black dress billowing behind her, and Lightning pushed Emerald back. "Get Jaune, and get the hell out of here. do not come back for me."

"But—"

"Now!" Lightning shoved Emerald out, and she spun her Buster Sword in her hand, facing Salem. She'd have preferred to do it with Qrow, but as he was currently occupied with that silvery swordsman, she'd have to handle the Grimm Queen long enough for reinforcements to arrive.

"How very like you to put the safety of others before your own," Salem said softly, a massive sword forming in her hand. The eyeball in it swirled around, and the blade glowed red with power. "That selflessness will be your downfall."

"Talk is cheap. Just shut up and fight!"

* * *

Emerald ran through the palace, panting and calling out her husband's name. "Jaune!? Jaune!?"

The palace shook as another explosion rocked it, and she stumbled before pressing on. Her limbs hurt, and each breath made her side ache. But she had to press on, and find her beloved husband.

And found him she did.

He was below her, in some sort of maze fighting off dozens of men at once. His sword was spinning in his hands to deflect their bullets, and Emerald opened fire to help him.

"Jaune!" She waved at him, trying to get his attention. "Up here!"

"Em!?" Jaune looked relieved to see her. "Oh, thank Oum you came! I'm kinda in a bit of trouble!"

"Kind of? Jaune…" Emerald shook her head, helping her husband out by shooting at his assailants. "Can you get a rope!?"

"A little busy at the moment!" he yelled back. He ducked under an angry slash, waggling his finger to taunt him. "Nuh uh uh. That wasn't very nice, was it?" He punched the man in the face, knocking him out.

' _When did he get this trolly?'_ Emerald wondered, shooting a man off his rope. She grabbed it, tossing it down to the blond knight below. "Grab it!"

"Coming on up." Jaune grabbed hold, and he gave the men below the middle finger as Emerald hoisted him up.

"Really?" She let out an exasperated sigh.

"Hey, they fucking injected me with shit. I think I can be petty today." Jaune shrugged, and he gave her a tight hug. "Sorry."

"You better be," Emerald hissed, wiping a tear of happiness from her eyes. "Do you have any idea how afraid I was that you were dead?"

"Feel free to kick my ass later all you want," he replied softly, kissing her head. "Thanks for coming. How did you even get here?"

"Qrow, Light, and your old team came to help."

"All of them?"

"Yeah. All of them," Emerald answered. "Did you expect anything less?"

"Nah. Not really. It's good to see my friends have my back." Jaune shrugged his shoulders, and Emerald traced a finger down the surgical scars, having long been healed by his aura.

"Oh Jaune…what did they do to you?" she whispered.

"They injected me with something called Grimm essence," he answered. Anger filled his voice, and he started to shake. "They said it would make me stronger. They threatened to go after you if I didn't go along with it. I had no choice but to accept it."

"I wouldn't put it like that now," a man wearing a kilt and a crown on his head interrupted. Jaune bared his teeth in a snarl and drew his sword, Emerald doing the same. This must be the Mad King, who had her love captured and experimented on like he was a lab rat.

"Fuck you," Jaune snarled, ready to attack. "You made me into this…this thing."

"I made you stronger, boy. You're now capable of using your powers to become the hero you've always wanted to be." The Mad King smiled. "You can easily protect your beautiful young wife."

He bowed his head to Emerald, lightly tipping his crown. "It is a pleasure to finally see you."

"Wish I could say the same." Emerald aimed her weapon at his throat. "You kidnapped him, and tortured him...you're dead."

"Well, if that's how it must be…fine." The Mad King shrugged and drew the beautifully crafted sword that hung on his belt, holding it in a unique stance. "I suppose this is the closing act of our grand play."

"The end for you, more like." Jaune spun Crocea Mors in his hand, and charged with Emerald at his side.

Their blades all met with a clang, and the Mad King smirked. "Well, well, well…it looks like I'll be able to have quite a bit of fun after all."

His arm glowed red, and he cast a powerful fire spell. Emerald and Jaune leapt to the side, and their enemy chuckled. "What do you know? You actually avoided it. Color me impressed. I didn't think mere humans would be able to get out of the way of that attack, huntsman training or no."

Jaune gave him the finger, and the couple clashed with him again.

For someone in a kilt, the Mad King was extraordinarily fluid in his movements; he moved with the grace of a dancer, and his twisted smirk never left his face.

Emerald went in for a strike, and the Mad King dodged it. His sword hit her, and though her aura protected her from the worst of the damage, she was still flung back and slammed her head against the floor.

She groaned in pain, and Jaune snapped. He became cloaked in this dark energy, and with several lightning-fast movements he disarmed the Mad King and broke his aura. His sword clattered on the ground, and the Mad King let out a soft chuckle as he sank to his knees. "Well, well…it looks like I have finally been bested in combat. You have done very well, Arc. I commend you."

Emerald groggily got to her feet, and she saw Jaune standing over him, sword ready to plunge into his heart. Jaune's eyes were dark with fury, and she hobbled over to him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Jaune…"

He turned to her, and his eyes returned to normal. "Emerald…"

They had beaten the Mad King, and now had him at their mercy. There would be no forgiveness for the things the man did to her husband, or to anyone else who was innocent.

"We'll do it together." She put her hand over his, and the two sank Crocea Mors into the Mad King's chest. His eyes bulged, and he managed to give them one last grin before he sank to the ground.

His crown hit the floor with a clatter and rolled away, and the Mad King was finally dead.

Jaune let out a sigh of relief, pulling Emerald into a tight hug and kissing her. "Thank you…"

"I'll always be here, love." Emerald kissed him back, and the two set off back to where Lightning was holding off Salem. "We better go and rescue Light."

"Rescue her? Why?"

"…she's literally fighting the Queen of Grimm right now…"

* * *

Lightning and Qrow both hit the ground, and Lightning struggled up to her feet. "How are you feeling?"

"Like shit." Qrow was covering a nasty stab wound with one hand, kneeling down. He had joined her soon after she engaged battle with Salem, and even the two of them were having a hard time with her.

Salem herself was bloodied well; both huntsmen had managed to land significant blows on the Grimm Queen. But everything she took she dished back, and good gods did it hurt. Qrow's aura was still dangerously low from his earlier fight, and Light's had practically vanished after the sixth hit.

Not to mention they were tired, and the palace was starting to show signs of collapsing.

Qrow looked up at the ceiling and aimed, blasting a hole in the roof. "That ought to be enough room."

"Room? For what?" Lightning asked. She saw the stars twinkling above, and the realization hit her. "You intend for Jaune to use his Limit Break."

"Something like that." Qrow gave her a bloodied grin, and he fell facefirst, unconscious but alive.

"Sorry we're late. We miss anything?" Jaune asked.

"You missed him beginning his nap." Lightning jerked a broken thumb towards Qrow. "Don't worry; he's fine. Bloodied up, but alive. You're looking pretty damn good, considering."

"I take that as a compliment." Jaune grinned lazily, and he glared at the Grimm Queen, stalking towards her. "So, you're the reason I was tortured and turned into some sort of freakshow."

Salem spat out a mouthful of black blood, wiping her chin with a pale hand. "We gave you power. Don't you understand it, child? You're nothing but pawns to us."

"Maybe." Jaune shrugged. "Or maybe, this is finally checkmate." He raised his sword high, and Salem struggled to rise up as he used his Limit Break on her.

"Stars, rain down!"

"NO!"

A meteor crashed through the hole provided by Qrow, and Salem screamed in anger as her body slowly turned to nothing but black mist. It swirled around the room, and Lightning let her sword fall out of her hand with a sigh of relief. "Holy shit…thank God…it's finally over."

"Not quite." Jaune shook his head, and he hefted Qrow over his shoulders. "There's one more thing to do."

* * *

Jaune carried Qrow out of the palace, and was greeted by his old team. "Hey guys. Nice to see you."

Nora leapt at him, trying to tackle him to the ground. "We missed ya!"

"Nora, get off!" Ren scolded. He had a cut on his cheek, but otherwise looked fine, and he gave Jaune a brotherly hug. "It's good to see you again."

"Likewise." Jaune nodded, and he looked over at Pyrrha. the last time they met, she had run him out of their dorm. Back then, he was angry with her.

But now…he wasn't.

"Pyrrha, I'm sorry I lied. To all of you."

"No." Pyrrha shook her head. "I was wrong, too. I shouldn't have done the things I did. I'm sorry, Jaune."

"Apology accepted." Jaune gave her a friendly handshake, and noticed the last member of Team JNPR standing back. "Hey, what's your name?"

"…Jason…" he replied.

"Jason, can you make me a promise?" Jaune asked.

"What?"

"That you keep them safe. Lead them the way I never could."

"You have my word." He nodded, and Jaune turned back to give Emerald a smile. Everything was finally over.

He wrapped one arm around her waist, and sighed.

"Now…let's go home."

* * *

 _14 years later…_

"Hey, Dad!" Dante Arc ran towards his father, clutching a wooden sword in his grip. "I finally managed to beat Vergil in practice!"

"Lucky hit," Vergil grumbled, wiping dust off his shirt.

When Emerald and Jaune finally got back, they found out a few weeks later that Emerald was pregnant, with a set of twins. As true to her word, Lightning did give the blond a few whacks for that.

"You two are getting to be quite strong, you know." He knelt down to ruffle his son's hair. "Soon, you'll be putting your old man to shame."

"No way!" Dante shook his head. "We'll never be able to beat you!"

Emerald made her way inside the kitchen, stretching up. She had just woken up after coming back from the doctor's, and she was confirmed to be expecting their third child soon. "Morning love. How did everything go?"

"Went fine." Jaune gave her cheek a kiss, and he rubbed her stomach affectionately while their sons bickered about who was the stronger, smarter, better looking, and had the bigger dick.

"So, is it going to be a boy or a girl?" he whispered.

"Not telling you," she whispered back.

Jaune chuckled, and he wrapped an arm around her.

Fourteen years had gone by, and they stayed happily married. One a knight, and the other the thief who stole his heart.

One drunken night changed their lives forever.

 _ **A/N: And that's it! Thank you to all those who made this fic so enjoyable to write!**_

 _ **Special thanks to blaiseingfire, who helped get this off the ground, and Austin Ga Kill, creator of the RWBY Drunken Marriages.**_

 _ **Thanks for the support and patience you've shown! Till next we meet,**_

 _ **-DPLxBeAsTxSnIpE**_


End file.
